Post # 1
My mom has been supportive of the wedding in mostly just a financial way. She’s given us some money for the wedding and paid for my dress but other than that she’s complaining about EVERYTHING. She complains about how she’s gonna have to host people in her house for two weeks (dad’s family) and every time we spend money on things we want she complains about how we don’t need this or that or how dumb it is we are buying this or that. Like my Fiance and I are paying for most of our wedding so it’s not like she’s paying for the whole thing and we aren’t letting her have a say on what we buy. She complained about me buying my dress “too early” and if the wedding doesn’t happen then the dress will be a waste (idk why she thought that). And now my bridesmaid offered to throw me a small bridal shower since my other wedding shower is gonna be family only and my mom is mad that I said yes and she thinks I should tell her to not do it and that it’s a waste of money and time and that she can’t come cause my sister has a sport obligation (which is in the afternoon and the shower is at night). Idk, it just sucks feeling like she’s the only one that doesn’t support this marriage and wedding and I almost feel guilty for feeling bad since she’s giving me money for wedding stuff. I’m not sure why she’s giving us money for the wedding stuff and then being so unsupportive and critical about everything 🙁 Anyways, that was just my rant I needed to get off my chest but if anyone has ever had similar experiences with their parent then please share!
Post # 2
I’ve experienced it so I can probably relate to some of your feelings. It does suck.
However, some people are just not into weddings and as many will tell you…no one will be as excited for your wedding as you. Though, I think think it’s different experiencing it from a parent whom you naturally seek approval from and support. So, I think you need to examine your situation more closely.
Does your mom usually get excited about events or weddings? Is she the type of person to enjoy celebrations? Does she like you Fiance or are their underlying issues? Is it possible she’s experiencing empty nest feelings and just not masking it as well as she thinks?
I do think there is something more to your mom’s behavior rather than not just being a wedding person. Purely because the comment on if the wedding even happens. I had similar comments and, in my experience, it meant there was more under the surface.
So, what can you do? You could have a heart to heart with you mom if this is not normal behavior for her. Find out if anything can be resolved or concerns addressed. If that’s not an option then it would probably be best to just stop including her in planning and not to talk about it in general. Let her come on the day of the wedding and enjoy it as a guest. Let yourself not be dragged into disappointment by her lack of expression or words and just try to focus on the positives. Remember the support you have from others because it does help.
Big hugs to you and sending well wishes. Best of luck with planning! Hang in there.
Post # 3
My mother would rather have a tooth pulled than have to shop for (or egads! wear) a dress to a formal occasion and had almost nothing to do with planning my or my sister’s weddings. Some women just don’t have that gene. Let her know it hurts your feelings that she criticizes every little thing but don’t expect her to become Martha Stewart.
Now–the house guests for two weeks part? I’m on her side there. That’s a LONG time to have to host your ILs. Is there any way to shorten that?
Post # 4
Maybe you should give her back the moiney and tell her to have dad’s family stay in a hotel. Sounds to me like people are taking advantage of her, both them and you.
Post # 5
Sorry for tone of my comment, but I REALLY can understand pressure your mom is under. Please try to be understanding. Hugs.
Post # 6
Perhaps not tell her about the planning. If she doesn’t want to host people for two weeks why don’t they just ask people to get a hotel?
Post # 7
They are DAD’s relatives. This is putting MOM in a tought position. If OP really wanted to help, she would talk to DAD.
Post # 8
I put exactly ZERO pressure on my mom to do ANYTHING for the wedding, and she still bitched. My sister and my Maid/Matron of Honor asked her to open her house for the bridal shower, but they literally did everything for it – including clean-up before and after. She asked me to step in and plan it because they “hadn’t finalized things soon enough” and she “wanted to know what would be going on in her house” – okaaaaayyy.
When I said “I’m not supposed to plan my own bridal shower, it’s kind of tacky” she replied “well neither am I, I’m the mother of the bride!” …… wtf. Nobody asked you to plan anything. Just open your door for 2 hrs.
She also opted to get her hair and makeup done with the rest of us, which was awesome because she normally hates that stuff, but then she bitched about how she looked (she looked AWESOME, nothing wrong) and made the poor girl re-do her hair AND makeup. And then she didn’t pay. I had to pay for her… the total hair and makeup was $1000 which I paid out of pocket on the day of my wedding.
Then for outdoor photos she refused to take her coat off because she was cold. She was the only one who wouldn’t take it off just for a few minutes for photos. This didn’t bother me TOO much, but my dad was pissed – he’d bought her a dress that cost more than my WEDDING DRESS, and she wore a long coat over it for pictures…
Basically my mom never got excited about anything, never helped me, didn’t offer support, and bitched about basically everything. Not exactly a fairy tale…. but thankfully my dad is awesome and supported me in everything! So glad it was him who walked me down the aisle, danced with me, and gave a speech!
Post # 9
Thanks for the reply. My mom is not usually one to get that excited about planning events which I understand, I’m not really into planning either but she just acts excited about events for other people all the time and not me. Like my bestfriend is getting married and she got really excited when we got the STD and she gets super excited all the time for my siblings highschool accomplishments. I think you might be right though, it could be an empty nest thing since I’m her oldest child. However, she’s not the heart to heart type person so there’s nothing I can really talk to her about that would resolve anything :/
My dad’s parents and brother and sister don’t really have the money to stay elsewhere, plus we literally never get to see them. They live really far so we only see them like once every five years so my dad really wants them to stay here and so does my siblings. This part is a little complicated because she’ll host her siblings and cousins in our house for a month at a time but can’t take 10 days to host my dad’s parents? There’s always been some tension in this topic with my family but it sucks bringing it up all the time.
Yup that sounds like what’s happening with my mom haha. She is willing to just give us some money for the wedding but complains about EVERYTHING we do. Like my mom is still telling me to cancel the bridal shower my bestfriend is planning since it’s a waste of time and money. My dad has been super awesome though too! When I got engaged he was super super excited lol he was like a little kid running around telling people about it, it was cute hahaha.
Post # 10
ugh she sounds like a PITA. 🙁
Post # 12
Lol nvm, I just put it together hahaha
Post # 13
i feel you girl. im trying not to let it bother me, and i think i can do that, but occasionally i get sad when i witness other girl’s moms get SO excited about their daughters weddings.
my mom is not a social person. she gets super anxious about being around people and she has always been that way. but we always had a pretty tight relationship and i have so many memories of shopping with her and talking about weddings, that i am a little blown away that the time has come and she actually doesnt hold back when she makes jokes about her social anxiety like “haha i wish i didnt have to go”. she wont even come wedding dress shopping even though we do not live that far away. i was pretty surpised my parents didnt offer to pay for my wedding dress or anything just considering theyve always been pretty generous. they are not contributing to the wedding financially and every opportunity my mom gets to convince me i dont NEED a bridal shower or other social things.. its just too bad.
but… like i said, ill get past it. i know its only the pangs of jealous when i see other peoples moms getting pumped so i can deal with it. i dont mind paying for my dress at all is not a big deal, i just hope that at actual events like a bridal shower or the actual wedding she can step up and pretend to care a little bit. for the in between times, ill deal.
Post # 14
A lot of times when people come, it ends up that MOM does all the work. In My Humble Opinion, DAD should help when his relatives come. Are Dad’s relatives helpful? If you and your siblings want them to stay, you guys should help. Do all of you live at home? Can they stay with one of you? Can you help out other ways?