(Closed) Having a money conversation with BF

posted 8 years ago in Money
Post # 3
Member
3176 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Really you just need to start by saying, “we need to talk” and go from there. Tell him everything like you said here. Me and my FH moved in together before we were engaged but we didn’t open up a joint account, we kept things seperate and we just split everything down the middle, when we get married we’ll combine but we did it as a safety thing “just in case”. We did have a huge talk before we got engaged though about finances. I have a large outstanding student loan and FH has nothing. This was something that was surprisingly easy to talk about once we actually sat down and discussed.

Post # 5
Hostess
16213 posts
Honey Beekeeper

It may make him nervous, but it will make it easier for him to know that you have a plan and some money saved away to start paying it off.

I was a little shell-shocked by the amount of my FI’s loan, but mostly by the fact that he didn’t yet have a plan for how to pay it back. I think it’s great you’ve already considered how you’ll lessen your debt.

Post # 6
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I don’t think it’s a big deal! Honestly, yes, your student loan is probably big (um, who doesn’t have a ginormous student loan nowadays? Most people i know have them in the 40-50Ks from a CHEAP university!) but at the same time, if he understands he isn’t going to be responsible for it, he’ll understand. Education ain’t free ya know?!

It’s good to get it out there. Just warn him and let him know you aren’t expecting him to pay it off for you or anything. He’ll appreciate that, I’m sure. Nothing is a big warning sign like, “hey pay off my debt honey!” especially since he has his own, too!  I think it’s very practical to just chip away at your own student loans while maintaining finances for the home. It’s a start…you can always combine more down the road if it feels right and it’s working well.

And june’s right, just say, “hey we need to talk money….here’s my deal. I have X in the bank, I have X in student loans, and I make X. I can contribute X to a joint account every month. By the year 20XX, the loan will be paid off”

Post # 7
Member
3176 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Don’t worry so much. Having a whopping student loan is a lot better than having a massive amount of credit card debt do to shopping or something. If he starts to freak just tell him that you have a plan and explain it. For me my FH was really just like “ok” I explained to him that my last payment would more than likely happen when I was in my 40’s and he just kind of brushed it off and said that he knew school was important to me and he’d have the same kind of loans if his parents hadn’t helped so much. I also plan on working so its not like he would ever have to take over my loan.

Post # 8
Member
651 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I’m going through the same thing now pretty much, only I have no loans and Fiance has $27K from grad school.  It was easy to discuss.  I knew he had a loan and he’s moving in in August.  So I just sat down and we discussed everything.  He’s going to be making payments on it a priority.  He has to get a job first though, since he just graduated, which is a little scary.  However he had a paid internship that paid really well so he’s got money saved away from that to cover his expenses until he gets a job.  As long as you both make a plan for it, everything should be fine.  I don’t think he’ll freak out about it.

Post # 10
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

@BellsforHer, I have managers I work with (in their early 40’s) still paying off their undergrad student loans. It’s not the worst thing in the world, but it certainly wouldn’t be a bad idea to try to pay it off faster if you can (when you get a raise for example, put extra towards it).

Of course, the fact that you’re paying towards a loan and not the household DOES affect him–and other things come into play, like if you plan on being a Stay-At-Home Mom, then essentially his salary goes towards that if you aren’t working.

Most of my friends are living off one salary and using 100% of the other salary to pay off their singular or joint student loans.

Post # 11
Member
3219 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

My FH is 30 and will prob still be paying his off in his 40’s.

FH is the one with all the debt in our relationship. I dont like that he has debt but it doesnt really affect me because they are HIS bills not mine. I dont think you should be to worried about telling your Boyfriend or Best Friend about your student loans. Its not like you have 50k in credit card bills 😉

 

Good luck!

Post # 12
Member
2742 posts
Sugar bee

Ha ha. I went to a private law school. I’ve been out for a while…almost a decade. I have paid off about half but the balance is STILL WAAYYY more than most people who went to a cheap undergraduate university. NEVER EVER EVERY go to private universities except if it’s Ivy. Cry

Post # 13
Member
3176 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@brooklynrocks – I went to a school out of state for a degree I could have gotten from a cheapy school a mile away…can you say stupid???!!!

Post # 14
Member
1418 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I agree with the other ladies – you just have to start the talk and see where it goes!  My Fiance has a large amount of school loans to be paid off and he will pay them off from his own earnings. We made an agreement in terms of who is paying for what each month – in your case it may be more like we will each put $X into the joint account each month to cover off living and household expenses.  You are each responsible for your own loans and debt, but you both still need to know what all that entails.  You both need to understand how you will be living and paying off debts with much of your income will affect that.  Money conversations are important – not always easy, but essential.  Good luck! 

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