Having a pre-wedding meltdown

posted 3 months ago in Emotional
Post # 2
8548 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: Dorset, UK

averyj :  He has probably been on a list for a transplant for years and probably didn’t want to waste half his time telling people that when there was no certainty on when he would get a transplant! I am sure a bit of googling will help you find out of FI’s Mom can officiate. 


As for the other stuff, it’s all normally wedding stuff that needs to happen, try not to stress about it.


And as for the astrology thing, if you believe in that, that is one thing, but you don’t so why on earth are you paying that any attention! 


Everything will be ok. 

Post # 3
5558 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

averyj :  sometimes people say things to us that they think will be helpful but it really makes everything worse 😆

Just remember to breathe, take slow, deep breaths.

See if you can find out if it can go across state lines, but I believe it’s a simple thing that someone can do, they can go online and get ordained to marry you. So if it won’t go across state lines, maybe a close friend or family member will want to marry you, maybe someone is already ordained and you don’t even know it!

Just. Keep. Breathing. Everything will come together. Around this time before our wedding, I had my first panic attack in years so I focused on relaxation and canceled all unnecessary activities

Post # 4
3740 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

Whether mercury is in retrograde, oerfectly aligned or falling out of the sky, you will be stressed and anxious the month before your wedding. It’s a big event with lots of planning required, lots of vendors and balls in the air… things WILL go wrong.

Cry it out for a few mins, then take a deep breath & Google whether ministers can perform ceremonies in different states. Then create a to-do list and split it up over a few days… this doesn’t have to be the end of the world. You can do this!

Post # 5
948 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

Ok Bee breathe. You should be able to find that out on your government website or call your town hall. These are things that happen when you are down to the wire. It will be ok. There last minuate things. First things first find out about the officiant. That’s the important thing. Ok things may tend to go wrong but you can fix them. Now make a list of the things that need to be done and check them off one by one. You got this bee. 

Post # 6
6445 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

Is your officiant affiliated with a church? Can they arrange for someone else to cover for them if they aren’t well enough? Otherwise, I agree about googling about your MIL; otherwise, I am sure you can find a judge, a minister, a notary public or someone else ordained that you can pay to officiate.

And while I understand the stress of an upcoming wedding, in the big scheme of things, its seems that your wedding is GOOD LUCK. How wonderful your officiant is getting life-saving treatment! It sounds glib, but be grateful for all the troubles you don’t have (kidney failure).

Post # 7
182 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

Everything will be ok. If you can’t use Mother-In-Law as your officiant, check out Thumbtack. You can find anyone for any service on there. I used it to find mine and it worked out fine. You enter your event date/time/details and only people who are available will respond. Good luck and breathe!

Post # 9
154 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

Yea, when Mercury goes into retrograde everything goes down the tubes. It’s not forever! It’s just a time where you shouldn’t start anything new and everything in your life seems to fall apart. You’ll get through it!

Post # 10
904 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2019

What state are you in? In some states they can literally get ordained in 5 minutes, or in some places like colorado for example, you don’t need an officiant

Post # 11
131 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

Dont worry bee! Its stressful but it will be ok!

I’d start with current officiant and ask if just in case he or she needs extra recovery time if he has a backup who can fill in for him. I’m sure he does and then take it from there. I wouldnt sweat it since they tend to have a few officiant friends and lots of people to ask

Post # 12
44 posts
  • Wedding: June 2019

The ordained minister knows the legalities and how to take care of things. Ask if they’re willing to take care of this for you and if they are, trust them because they’ve done this before.

The absolute worst case scenario is that you have your wedding as planned but with another officiant, and if they aren’t official enough for your state you’ll need to have an officiant come by some afternoon and say the words and sign the paper officially. The only thing that would change would be the date on your marriage license and the extra legwork. Your legal document date could be you and your SO’s little secret.

Post # 13
351 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

One. Thing. At. A. Time. 

Sounds simple enough, but we lose sight of that when we are overwhelmed. 

He most likely did not think he would be chosen from the transplant list so soon, or maybe his condition changed and he was moved up on the list. 

You have a back up, so thats great! If you’re in the USA – Once the wedding date has been confirmed, the ordained minister must contact the department of that state that is responsible for granting the marriage license or other documentation. He/She must present his/her own documentation to request recognition in the state as a wedding officiant. Many U.S. states allow ordained ministers to perform ceremonies with no additional documentation required. Other states require specific processes, such as licensing in that state, letters of support for their services, and registration with their governing body.

I hope this helps! 

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