Post # 1
Our wedding is less than 3 weeks away and last night our officiant texted me that he was heading in for a kidney transplant but thinks he will be okay by the wedding.
I had NO IDEA he was on the transplant list. I am a little disappointed he didn’t mention that, but I am happy for him and told him his health comes first and I do not expect him to try to be at the wedding if he is not up for it and/or if it is too risky.
So now I am out an officiant. My FI’s mom apparently is an ordained minister. She lives out of state but will be at the wedding. The thing is, I do not know if it is legal across state lines? Or how to even find out.
I still have to pay for flowers, meet with the photographer, figure out what I am doing with my hair, meet with the DJ, do the seating charts….. I burst into tears this morning from just feeling overwhelmed.
Then FI’s sister who is into tarot and astrology told me mercury is in retrograde until Aug 1, so things tend to “go wrong.” I have never believed in that stuff but hearing it in this state of mind gave me a panic attack.
Just looking for support from other brides. This is more stressful than I anticipated.
Post # 2
averyj : He has probably been on a list for a transplant for years and probably didn’t want to waste half his time telling people that when there was no certainty on when he would get a transplant! I am sure a bit of googling will help you find out of FI’s Mom can officiate.
As for the other stuff, it’s all normally wedding stuff that needs to happen, try not to stress about it.
And as for the astrology thing, if you believe in that, that is one thing, but you don’t so why on earth are you paying that any attention!
Everything will be ok.
Post # 3
averyj : sometimes people say things to us that they think will be helpful but it really makes everything worse 😆
Just remember to breathe, take slow, deep breaths.
See if you can find out if it can go across state lines, but I believe it’s a simple thing that someone can do, they can go online and get ordained to marry you. So if it won’t go across state lines, maybe a close friend or family member will want to marry you, maybe someone is already ordained and you don’t even know it!
Just. Keep. Breathing. Everything will come together. Around this time before our wedding, I had my first panic attack in years so I focused on relaxation and canceled all unnecessary activities
Post # 4
- Wedding: November 2019 - City, State
Whether mercury is in retrograde, oerfectly aligned or falling out of the sky, you will be stressed and anxious the month before your wedding. It’s a big event with lots of planning required, lots of vendors and balls in the air… things WILL go wrong.
Cry it out for a few mins, then take a deep breath & Google whether ministers can perform ceremonies in different states. Then create a to-do list and split it up over a few days… this doesn’t have to be the end of the world. You can do this!
Post # 5
- Wedding: September 2019 - City, State
Ok Bee breathe. You should be able to find that out on your government website or call your town hall. These are things that happen when you are down to the wire. It will be ok. There last minuate things. First things first find out about the officiant. That’s the important thing. Ok things may tend to go wrong but you can fix them. Now make a list of the things that need to be done and check them off one by one. You got this bee.
Post # 6
Is your officiant affiliated with a church? Can they arrange for someone else to cover for them if they aren’t well enough? Otherwise, I agree about googling about your MIL; otherwise, I am sure you can find a judge, a minister, a notary public or someone else ordained that you can pay to officiate.
And while I understand the stress of an upcoming wedding, in the big scheme of things, its seems that your wedding is GOOD LUCK. How wonderful your officiant is getting life-saving treatment! It sounds glib, but be grateful for all the troubles you don’t have (kidney failure).
Post # 7
Everything will be ok. If you can’t use Mother-In-Law as your officiant, check out Thumbtack. You can find anyone for any service on there. I used it to find mine and it worked out fine. You enter your event date/time/details and only people who are available will respond. Good luck and breathe!
Post # 8
Thanks so much for the responses. I keep trying to remind myself it will work out and to breathe. It is hard not to get wrapped up in the anxiety of it all. I am trying really hard to take walks, eat right, sleep enough and just keep myself organized, calm and in a good frame of mind. I am really very happy for my officiant, I knew he had some health issues and he is the nicest guy. I really hope he can make it for the ceremony, but if not having my Future Mother-In-Law there to save the day if needed is a blessing. I am going to call the city hall and make sure someone ordained in her state can marry a couple where I live.
Post # 9
Yea, when Mercury goes into retrograde everything goes down the tubes. It’s not forever! It’s just a time where you shouldn’t start anything new and everything in your life seems to fall apart. You’ll get through it!
Post # 10
What state are you in? In some states they can literally get ordained in 5 minutes, or in some places like colorado for example, you don’t need an officiant
Post # 11
Dont worry bee! Its stressful but it will be ok!
I’d start with current officiant and ask if just in case he or she needs extra recovery time if he has a backup who can fill in for him. I’m sure he does and then take it from there. I wouldnt sweat it since they tend to have a few officiant friends and lots of people to ask
Post # 12
The ordained minister knows the legalities and how to take care of things. Ask if they’re willing to take care of this for you and if they are, trust them because they’ve done this before.
The absolute worst case scenario is that you have your wedding as planned but with another officiant, and if they aren’t official enough for your state you’ll need to have an officiant come by some afternoon and say the words and sign the paper officially. The only thing that would change would be the date on your marriage license and the extra legwork. Your legal document date could be you and your SO’s little secret.
Post # 13
One. Thing. At. A. Time.
Sounds simple enough, but we lose sight of that when we are overwhelmed.
He most likely did not think he would be chosen from the transplant list so soon, or maybe his condition changed and he was moved up on the list.
You have a back up, so thats great! If you’re in the USA – Once the wedding date has been confirmed, the ordained minister must contact the department of that state that is responsible for granting the marriage license or other documentation. He/She must present his/her own documentation to request recognition in the state as a wedding officiant. Many U.S. states allow ordained ministers to perform ceremonies with no additional documentation required. Other states require specific processes, such as licensing in that state, letters of support for their services, and registration with their governing body.
I hope this helps!