(Closed) Having a Tea Party, only covering half the cost = rude?

posted 7 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
2775 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Sorry, but yes, your Future Mother-In-Law was in the wrong.  The tea sounds lovely and it’s sweet of her to want to plan a party for you, but she should have planned the party she could afford.

Post # 4
347 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

IMHO- yes. I understand where you are coming from, but if she is hosting she should be covering all the costs. Your guests will now have to pay to come to a party for you (even though it’s nice like you said) tea may not be everyone’s thing.

I would be a little put off by the invite.


Post # 4
635 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

It sounds like a really nice party, but it is rude to host something but have guests pay $$ to participate. This is like having a reception, but making people pay for their own food. I’m not sure what you do with this, considering the invites are already out.

Post # 5
1150 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I don’t know about right or wrong but i know that i have been invited to celebrations set up just like this and have never thought anything of it. I was happy to be included and invited. I paid my portion and had a great time. 

Post # 6
1501 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I can see where Future Father-In-Law is coming from and I know everyone will agrea with this.

But IMO I think that it is wonderful that Future Mother-In-Law is doing this and really $25 to enjoy this beautiful afternoon doesn’t seem bad to me. And it is not like it will be a surprise for everyone that they have to pay, they know upfront.

I’d say don’t worry about it and enjoy this wonderful day that she is planning.

Post # 7
5800 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2011

I wouldn’t worry about it too much, whats done is done and these people are your friends and family not strangers. But technically I think your Future Mother-In-Law should have either planned a party she could afford to host or informally invited everyone to tea.

Post # 8
1160 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I would say yes unfortunately. Maybe once she realized it would be too pricey she could have dialed back the guest list or had it at her house.

But like PP said, what’s done is done. It won’t reflect on you and I am sure your guests will be happy and want to celebrate, and will get that her heart is in the right place. Which is what matters really. Plus it does sound quite nice. 

Post # 9
2889 posts
Sugar bee

In this situation, I don’t think she did anythign wrong. It sounds like she only invited family members and a small group who know her financial situation and would appriciate being included in such an event. It’s less like she is inviting them and mroe like she is organizing a get together and helping to defer the costs. I don’t think that $25 is too much to ask.

I know my parents have attended a retirement party that was done in a similar manner on a larger scale where everyone was asked to chip in $ to cover their dinner and $ for a communal gift. It’s like a no host party. In your case, Future Mother-In-Law is covering some of the cost which is why people see her as the host but I don’t think she should be faulted for taking on some of the financial burden in order to allow for a fancier celebration. Ultimately, if your 10 family members are offended, you’ll hear about it or they won’t show up so I would not worry.

Post # 10
109 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

It would be a little weird to receive an invitation like this, but I’d still go b/c I love the bride and want to celebrate with her. What’s done is done, just enjoy your tea party! 🙂

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