Post # 1
My Future Mother-In-Law is very graciously throwing me a lovely afternoon tea party at a fancy hotel in Toronto. I’ve been to tea there a few times (My Fiance takes me every year for my birthday) and I really love it. My Future Mother-In-Law knows this and thought it’d make for a nice, all-women pre-wedding party. I’m very excited! 🙂
Here’s the deal though: Afternoon tea at this hotel is pretty expensive ($45 per person, plus HST and gratuity) and since 10 or more people will be attending, she could not afford to pay for everyone completely. So, she put on the invitations that the cost will be $25 per person and she will just cover the rest of the cost. It will end up costing her more than $250 (about half of what it will cost total if 10 people attend).
However, Future Father-In-Law thinks she shouldn’t have had the party at all if she wasn’t going to pay for all of it (which they can’t afford).
This is a very, very nice tea (includes scones, finger sandwiches, petits fours, choice of loose leaf tea and a glass of sparkling wine.) in a beautiful atmosphere and, imo, paying only $25 to enjoy that and be with company is pretty darn nice (certainly wouldn’t have gotten that anywhere else). My Future Mother-In-Law is not only paying for half the bill, she is also planning and cordinating the whole thing herself. Only close female family and friends are invited. The invitations say no gifts are required.
The invitations are already mailed, so nothing can be done about it now, but is my Future Mother-In-Law in the wrong here?
Post # 3
Sorry, but yes, your Future Mother-In-Law was in the wrong. The tea sounds lovely and it’s sweet of her to want to plan a party for you, but she should have planned the party she could afford.
Post # 4
IMHO- yes. I understand where you are coming from, but if she is hosting she should be covering all the costs. Your guests will now have to pay to come to a party for you (even though it’s nice like you said) tea may not be everyone’s thing.
I would be a little put off by the invite.
Post # 4
It sounds like a really nice party, but it is rude to host something but have guests pay $$ to participate. This is like having a reception, but making people pay for their own food. I’m not sure what you do with this, considering the invites are already out.
Post # 5
I don’t know about right or wrong but i know that i have been invited to celebrations set up just like this and have never thought anything of it. I was happy to be included and invited. I paid my portion and had a great time.
Post # 6
I can see where Future Father-In-Law is coming from and I know everyone will agrea with this.
But IMO I think that it is wonderful that Future Mother-In-Law is doing this and really $25 to enjoy this beautiful afternoon doesn’t seem bad to me. And it is not like it will be a surprise for everyone that they have to pay, they know upfront.
I’d say don’t worry about it and enjoy this wonderful day that she is planning.
Post # 7
I wouldn’t worry about it too much, whats done is done and these people are your friends and family not strangers. But technically I think your Future Mother-In-Law should have either planned a party she could afford to host or informally invited everyone to tea.
Post # 8
I would say yes unfortunately. Maybe once she realized it would be too pricey she could have dialed back the guest list or had it at her house.
But like PP said, what’s done is done. It won’t reflect on you and I am sure your guests will be happy and want to celebrate, and will get that her heart is in the right place. Which is what matters really. Plus it does sound quite nice.
Post # 9
In this situation, I don’t think she did anythign wrong. It sounds like she only invited family members and a small group who know her financial situation and would appriciate being included in such an event. It’s less like she is inviting them and mroe like she is organizing a get together and helping to defer the costs. I don’t think that $25 is too much to ask.
I know my parents have attended a retirement party that was done in a similar manner on a larger scale where everyone was asked to chip in $ to cover their dinner and $ for a communal gift. It’s like a no host party. In your case, Future Mother-In-Law is covering some of the cost which is why people see her as the host but I don’t think she should be faulted for taking on some of the financial burden in order to allow for a fancier celebration. Ultimately, if your 10 family members are offended, you’ll hear about it or they won’t show up so I would not worry.
Post # 10
It would be a little weird to receive an invitation like this, but I’d still go b/c I love the bride and want to celebrate with her. What’s done is done, just enjoy your tea party! 🙂