(Closed) Having a wedding but not legally getting married..

posted 8 years ago in Logistics
Post # 121
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: August 2014

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deetroitwhat:  you can absolutely change your name without a marriage certificate. In most states this requires going before the court and requesting a name change decree which will allow you too update your license, social security card etc.

Post # 122
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: August 2014

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deetroitwhat:  you can absolutely change your name without a marriage certificate. In most states this requires going before the court and requesting a name change decree which will allow you too update your license, social security card etc.

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Dragonfly22ny:  a marriage is between two people and God, there is no requirement to register your marriage with the state unless you’re seeking joint benefits through the government or an employer who doesn’t recognize domestic partnerships. You are able to easily change your name through your local courts and set up protections for you and your husband. Consult a lawyer if needed to set up power of attorney beneficiary status and draft a will. The main hurdle we have encountered is insurance which you and your husband can easily maintain independently. Frankly, it is none of your guests business when and if you choose to register your marriage with the state. Marriage is a sacrament, not a tool for taxation, do not delay your happiness or let other stake away from the validity of your commitment to each other!  In a time when divorce rates are soaring remember that no sheet of paperwill solidify your marriage, only your commitment before God!

Post # 123
Member
889 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

i think it’s incredibly deceptive not only to your friends and family members, but also re: financial aid. i mean, the voice in my head says if you’re mature enough to get married, then you’re mature enough to understand that taking out a student loan might come with that. and if you had $15k to put on deposits (and no i didn’t read all 9 pages yet, so i apologize if you made it clear elsewhere that someone else had paid that?), why wouldn’t you have $15k to put towards school? idk i guess it’s not fair to try to beat the system for a wedding, when others who have applied for financial aid honestly and transparently might have to take out those loans, and have a little extra strain on their budgets. educational debt is nowhere near the same as something like credit card debt (or wedding debt…). it is an investment in your/your FI’s education and future. if you find that you are too strained because of the student loan repayments (which don’t start until 6 months after he graduates, meaning your wedding would be long over by then), you can always apply for a loan forebearance which if approved means his payments are on hold for whatever amount of time you’ve applied. i guess i just can’t understand how you don’t have the money for student loans which are gradual, necessary expenses (and the payments can  be based on your income, meaning if you can’t afford a $200 payment, you won’t have one), but you do have it for all or part of your wedding. to me, my fiance’s education (which will help us have a stronger financial future) would take priority over a wedding in this case. you don’t have to forego your wedding, but i would give some serious thought to postponing it, and some thought to what is really important to you in the big scheme of things.

but, to answer your most basic question: you could have a wedding without being legally married. a legal marriage happens when you sign a marriage certificate, etc. a wedding and a marriage are not the same thing, they don’t have to happen on the same day, and so yes, you could. 

Post # 124
Member
13607 posts
Honey Beekeeper

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MrsHalpert:  This thread is two years old, but I have to disagree . By definition

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/wedding

a wedding is the wedding ceremony, the occasion upon which you are married. Whether it is tiny and intimate, at the JOP,  or large and formal, it is nevertheless,  a wedding. A reception  is the traditional followup  to the wedding ceremony.  

Post # 125
Member
889 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

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weddingmaven:  oh shit, didn’t realize it was old–somebody must’ve commented on it since popped up in my newsfeed. but thank you for correcting me on the definition. i got ahead of myself. i was trying more to highlight difference in being legally married (going to the courthouse kind of thing) and a big venue/dress/flowers/150 guest/reception event. my bad.

 

Post # 126
Member
527 posts
Busy bee

My cousin got legally married to her Marine husband a while before their actual wedding for financial reasons. So I don’t think situations like this are uncommon.

I don’t think I’d want to do it that way, but I’m not in that situation. . .can you talk to some people you both trust about it and get their opinions?

 

ETA: Oooh, whoops, old thread. Sorry!!!

Post # 127
Member
684 posts
Busy bee

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Dragonfly22ny:  It shouldnt make a difference to anyone but you and your Fiance. If you are ok with it then do it this way. No one ever asked to see my ID to see if my name was changed to my husbands.

Post # 128
Member
1552 posts
Bumble bee

Meh. Have your wedding and wait to become officially married until he’s done with school. It’s just paperwork, after all. I don’t think it’s deceptive if you consider yourself to be a married couple. It’s an agreement between you and him, nothing else should matter 🙂

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