Post # 1
I stated my wedding planning over a year ago and due to some money issues had to push it to 2014 vs. 2013 which in the big picture no big deal. However to all you brides to be let me drop some knowlege on you! Weddings bring out the best and the WORST in people.
My best friend of 18 years you would think she would say yes to being my Maid/Matron of Honor. She agrees at first. Then complains about every dress choice. Like it’s the last dress she is ever going to wear! Really could you be any more of pain in A*%?!!! Doesn’t appear to be remotly happy for me at all. I dig a little not that it took much at all. She would rather be a guest doesn’t want to be in my wedding at all. It’s to much stress. So I say understand and don’t hold it against her. Even though it hurt like hell.
Next friend of 15 years I ask if she would be my maid of honor she agrees super excited for me all about the planning. One day her husband makes a really off color comment to me on F.B. of course my fiancé sees this and nearly flips and tells him to please take it down it’s offensive. So my “friend” goes from I’m so sorry he said that it was wrong to F me and she hope I drop dead. Not kidding she said I hope you drop dead. Keep in mind when she needed a replacement bridesmaid and asked me like I’m just some jerk off the street I said yes because clearly I’m to nice and need to tell some people to F off!!! I paid $160.00 for a short bridesmaid dress keep in mind November wedding in New England. Gave her an expensive shower and wedding gift and paid for her drinks all night at her bacheloret party. Not even a thank you. I should have cut my losses then!
So my sweat heart of a friend Heather steps up and says you need a bridesmaid? I’ll do it! She’s been a doll! I need someone to vent to she’s there! I need an opioion she’s there! She’s the best. Unforntantly for me I have two more bride maids who are still in the wedding and haven’t been great from the get go so I can only imagen how its going to go the closer we get to the wedding…
One told me flat out she thinks my wedding dress is ugly… Yep it’s ugly. Oh and on my make up trial she said she didn’t like that too. Good thing I haven’t shown her what I’m doing with my hair! I tell her I want gray bridesmaid dresses. She says she thats not her color. I pick 3 bridesmaid dresses and ask her to pick the one she likes the most she picks the one that’s most like my dress… She doesn’t return phone calls, emails, text, or message on F.B so it’s been a blast getting in touch with her for dress shopping. I already told her don’t worry about coming to my bridal shower and no bacheloret party. Why set my expectations that high?!
There is more yep. If you think it can’t get worse it can…. There is another who shall go un named. Not remotely excited about my wedding. In fact I think she is board or even annoyed by my wedding. She said I don’t even feel like I have a choice to be in your wedding. How the hell do I even respond to that? Keep in mind she came out of left field with that one! I think she hates the fact that I’m plainng a really nice wedding And she didn’t have that. But why the hell is that my fault? It’s gotten to the point that I’ve lost sleep over it! This is supposed to be a happy time so I just try to focus on the positive like my amazing wonderful fiancé. My wonderful parents! And all that has gone right. Including having my friend Heather in the wedding! But for brides to be you have been worned! Be prepared for friendships to go to sh*%, family to turn into hour nightmare! And for the bridesmaids to be more like bridezillas! And for any bridesmaids reading this. Don’t be that girl! Be a good friend! I’m not saying ita ok to put your girls in bad colors or ask them to spend more then what they can offered on a dress or attened every little thing. But don’t be an asshole….
Post # 2
I understand and see from on these boards that weddings bring out the worst in people. However, I had 6 bridesmaids and no issues at all. They threw me my shower that was amazing, were easygoing about dresses, went to Jamaica for my bachelorette, and just all around great. When people have a problem with everyone I look at the common denominator.
I can kind of relate to someone being not such a good bride when I was in their wedding. Like you, my friend was a difficult bride when I was her Maid/Matron of Honor. But she wasn’t bad as a bridesmaid, thankfully. At first I did debate whether to ask her…
I hope your remaining bridesmaids are better. Sucks to lose friends no matter what.
Post # 3
Its nice to hear that it’s not all horror story’s! Yes it sucks to lose friends but if it wasn’t a friendship worth having then not a huge lose. I hope that things go better in the remaining 3 months. However I don’t want to rock the boat so till now I’ve kept my feelings to myself. Neith woman is very approachable and both hot tempered. So I do a lot of stuff by myself rather then asking for help from them. I’ve learned a lot from this experience and if I had to do it all over again I would do it VERY VERY differently!
Post # 4
I’m sorry that things aren’t going better. Though it seems that most of the issues are that the bridesmaids aren’t excited enough and you’re having trouble figuring out a dress they like? And a non-wedding related FB post that got out of hand? Certainly nobody should ever say that your wedding dress is ugly, but the rest of the stuff seems non-wedding related or not worth stressing about. Pick a dress and tell them to get it and be done with it. And don’t worry if they aren’t more excited. It’s not their wedding and there are plenty of bees here that can be excited with you!
And as to the warning of this post? Weddings do not, necessarily, bring out the worst in people. For me, the wedding absolutely brought out the best in people. Everyone was so kind and helpful and I felt incredibly loved and supported. I had zero issues with my bridesmaids/guys. They didn’t really help with wedding planning and weren’t super excited about the wedding all the time, but I didn’t expect them to be. So bridesmaids aren’t inherently drama. And, mine at least, were a great source of emotional support during wedding planning and especially on the day of the wedding. I continue to rely on them as a newlywed and plan to continue throughout my marriage. That’s why they stoof up with me.
Post # 5
Thats very sweet it makes me feel better that there are other woman out there that have had a great experience from the get go. But thank you I needed that push. I’ve been trying to accomdate them from the start with style of dress and who’s liking what. I told them wear what ever shoes you want don’t go crazy with having your hair done if money is becoming to much I’ll do your hair for you that day and I have pleanty of shoes that any of them could wear. So I guess I wasn’t expectingthe back lash. Ya that wole off color comment was just a bad experience! Not all has been bad! I have wonderful parents and an amazing fiancé! The days are drawing closer 124 days and counting yikes!
Post # 6
You know you don’t NEED bridesmaids, right? The fact that you replaced your Maid/Matron of Honor – twice – indicates that you view bridesmaids as slots to be filled instead of a way to honor and be supported by your best friends at your wedding. I suspect that explains a lot of the trouble you seem to be having.
Post # 7
I’m sorry to hear you’ve had such a bad experience. I have seven bridesmaids and everyone has been really easygoing so far. They’re traveling to Charleston for a wknd for my bachelorette and everyone has been happy and sweet about my choices for the wedding. I’m not saying this to make you feel bad, I just want to let other brides-to-be who may be reading your warning know it’s definitely not always like that.
Would you be willing to choose a color and length for the dresses and let them choose a style they’re comfortable with? I definitely don’t expect my bridesmaids to be as excited about my wedding as I am, but they certainly shouldn’t be saying mean things like your dress is ugly. Did you tell her how that made you feel? The friend that told you to drop dead doesn’t sound like a great friend anyway. Maybe your first Maid/Matron of Honor is going through some things you don’t know about. Perhaps ask her if everything is going okay in her life? I’m glad your friend Heather has been a champ. I know it’s hard, but try to shake off the drama and focus on moving forward with the bridesmaids that are still with you. Good luck!
Post # 8
esk716: Hi there!
No I didn’t tell her how it made me feel. I just said well everyone has there own taste. As for my good friend of many years I found that she had a really bad experience being the made of honor at her sister in laws wedding and it sulitfied for her how much sue doesn’t want to be in weddings.She truly is a dear friend so I didn’t push the issue. Just having her there that day would mean so much to me. I ended up picked 12 different dresses for the bridesmaid there were all different shaps but all long and all cane in the color I really want. I asked them to look at them and tell me what they like. I also made sure to be budget conscious. Weddings are expensive so trying to put as little on them as possible. I got them to narrow it down to five. Some people keep telling me to forget how they feel and just tell them what you want them to do. But I’m not bossy by nature and hate conflict so I’ve been thinking of ways to resolve this issues with out striking a nerve with either girl. One is family and I thought this would be a nice experience for us together. Unfortunately she’s not feeling the same it appears. I’d give her an out but I’m afraid she’ll be offend by that. As if I don’t want her to be part of it. It would be easier if she would just tell me what she wants. I’ll have a better handle on things after Saturday I hope. I’m meeting with all 3 girls to finilize a dress choice and put down deposits. 🙂
Post # 9
Cheese and Rice! Thank you for posting this – I honestly thought it was just me having Bridesmaid or Best Man issues (bridesmaid… not bowel movement, though I’d take the latter right now).
Count your blessings that at lease your Maid/Matron of Honor bowed out when she realized she wasn’t up to the task. Unfortunately mine is hanging on for dear life and she is MISERABLE. Every step of the way has been nothing but an inconvenience for her. “I hate the dress, what am I supposed to do with my kid during the wedding, I don’t know what color ‘ivory’ is for shoes, I don’t want to go away for your bachelorette so you shouldn’t either)… and so on. I’ve let every single thing slide, but I’m afraid this has really put a dent in our friendship (18 years worth of it!)
My other bridesmaids have been fine… but not in the least bit helpful. They haven’t helped with anything… at all. Nor have they offered. I feel like I’m putting way more energy into getting them excited for my big day than I should be and it’s breaking my heart.
My advice to new brides – choose WISELY. I won’t go as far as to say “don’t have bridesmaids” because I think that, given the right group, it can be among the most memorable times of your life. But I reiterate… CHOOSE THEM WISELY. If you don’t, it’s a nightmare.
Good luck 300spurple. Thanks for making me realize i’m not crazy.
Post # 10
So, you’re just using your BMs as props? Why else would you keep replacing them when they drop out? And why would they keep dropping out if you’re not giving them reason to? Sounds like these friendships weren’t that important to you in the first place if you’re willing to treat these girls so poorly.
Post # 11
Weddings can definitely bring out everyone’s true colors!
For the perfect PPs who keep making comments about the OPs view of bridesmaids: how do you know exactly what happened? Maybe the OP and her Fiance decided on a certain number of people in the wedding party, and there were some “must include” people (relatives, etc) on the list? OP even said her friend stepped up and WANTED to be a bridesmaid. As I said, weddings tend to be a time when true colors show, and those aren’t necessarily all bad. Maybe while OP was having issues with her original bridal party, other friends really stepped up and she realized how much they wanted to be there for her.
Post # 12
No my dear your not crazy. You don’t relize how much work goes into planning your wedding until your in it. Of course it’s natural to want your bridesmaids to participate in projects. However I have figured out and accepted that some people just are not into it. And thats ok but setting expectations for your self is important. My mom made a really good point to me yesterday when she said this should be happy time for you. Don’t let others get in the way of that. Meaning don’t let there lack of enthusiasm bring down your exciment. As for your Maid/Matron of Honor don’t do what I did don’t wait till it gets so bad. I wish I hadnt been so wrapped up in the plainng to not see right away that it was to much for her to handle. We are still friends but I would never want to put or friendship in that position again. I assure you what ever is going on it’s not worth throwing away 18 years of friendship! I’m finding people have there own way of being happy for you and it doesn’t always show the way you think it should. I don’t know if you’ve asked her yet but instead of trying to address every issue she has have you tride just telling her I love you as a friend and I don’t want to lose that and this is stretching us thin so what will make you happy? I know the trying to make everyone happy it doesn’t work but when it’s one issue after another there has to be something else going on… But I get what your saying you put a lot of thought into dress, shoe and flower selections for your bridesmaids you think theyll get pumped up right! Sometimes not so much that doesn’t mean you did something wrong just again me personally I’m finding that people just don’t show there exciment the way you expect them to. Stay happy your getting married!!! And I suggest talking to your Maid/Matron of Honor if you haven’t already and try to get to the root of the issue. She’s a friend of 18 years that says something!
best of lucj and best wishes!!!!
Post # 13
I understand and that is why we donot have a wedding party. Two of my best friends and one of his are making speeches.,Thats it!!
Post # 14
I don’t treat people poorly. I give what I get. Let me be clear I’m still friends with my first Maid/Matron of Honor choice. As for my second choice I never got to the real root of her issue but anyone who says they hope I drop dead isn’t worth saving that friendship far as I’m conserned. I’ve kept the remaining bridesmaids in hopes that things will improve! If I didn’t have any attachment to these girls I wouldn’t have asked them to be a part of the wedding to begin with. People have a free will if someome doesn’t want to participate in such an event at any time that person can bow out. I’ve gone through the effort I have with these girls because I really do want them to be a part of me and my fiancé day inspite of the frustration that it has come with.
Post # 15
I think that’s a nice idea still keeping people a part of your day with out the trouble!