Post # 1
Just curious — For those who have had their children close in age…. like a year or two apart…. can you tell me what your experience was like… the good and the “bad”… If you don’t mind sharing….. could you share:
1. How far apart are your children?
2. If you could have a “do-over” would you do the spacing differently?
3. What are some of the pros and cons for doing it the way you did it?
Thank you so much! Just curious… there is no right or wrong answer.
Post # 3
I only have 1 child at the moment, I am going off of my DH. He and his brothers are close in age.
1. DH is the youngest. His middle brother is 2 years older, and his oldest brother is 3 years older.
2. My MIL would say no on the spacing.
3. Pros- my DH was close to his middle brother until, about 4 yrs ago. He and his wife live about 20 min away. DH and his brothers were best buddies growing up. Cons I would say is that MIL tends to get their names confused to this day, than again she named them all to start with the letter “B”
Post # 4
I have not had children, but there is some scientific evidence suggesting that children who are born less than two years after their sibling are more likely to be diagnosed with autism.
Now, correlation does not equal causation, but my mother is an autism researcher and she thinks the “uterine recovery theory” might have some merit. Apparently there is the thought that it takes at least a year for a woman’s body to fully recover from birth/breastfeeding and if the second baby is conceived too soon, she may not have returned to her optimum nutritional/physical status.
FWIW, my brother and I are a little over 2 years apart and I think it’s a nice gap!
Post # 5
I don’t have kids but I saw this on the front page & I’m from a family where we are all super close in age – there are 3 of us in 3.5 years. It was nice because you always had someone close to your age to play with, but it also caused A LOT of unnecessary competition. For instance, if my older brother was good at something or really enjoyed something I felt like I either had to be better or not care about that thing (my brothers have expressed having this same type of feeling growing up) It’s also hard because when kids are that close they have all the same “wants” at the same time – example, my parents paid for my older brother to go through driver’s ed before he turned 16 and a couple months after he finished I was old enough to start but they couldn’t afford to put two kids through in one year. Same thing with proms, all being in college at the same time, etc.
Post # 6
@vermonster: Thanks so much for the information, I hadn’t heard that before. thank you again. Me, my sister and brother are each 5 years apart (me being 10 years from my sister) but I know that I don’t want to gap that much due to my age. Not that I am old (only 33) however, I would like to be finished having kids by a certain age though (just my preference).
Post # 7
@trulyblessed: I am not going to talk about my experience but I am going to talk about my Brother’s Children. And my Brother and I growing up.
1. My brother was 23 and enganged when his 10 year Girlfriend told him she was pregnant. It was a surprise but we were all so happy we just moved the wedding date to 1 year ealier.
Baby X was born beautiful Baby boy. It was clear they were going to wait longer for another and baby X was the Hapiness of the entire Family. 3 Months after his Birth My sister in law started to feel extremly Poor and she thought it was terrible case of Anemia. Well …It was not anemia it was a baby Number 2 !!!!!! Baby A. Also a Baby Boy. They have less than 1 year appart and let me tell you it is AMAZING.
They are extremly close best friends.. They share clothes toys because they are so close to age and size. They always want to be together. There is no problem about : be careful with your little brother because they are the same size…..
The work for my brother and sister in law was a lot. Not easy taking care of 2 babies at the same time. Specially when 1 was starting the crawl and baby number 1 to walk.
And baby number 1 was the baby for less time.
Both my sister in Law and Brother say they love the way it is and would never do it differently.
1. My brother and I we are 2 years Appart and Boy and Girl. Again we are super close and it was amazing having each other growing up. I really dont think it is the same when you are 4 years old….you are just not in the same place at the same time.
my Husband and I have discused it many times and we are not going to space the children we are just going to let nature do it is own thing.
Post # 8
@Sassygrn: Thanks so much, I do hear ppl say a lot that when you are close in age — most of the time the siblings are closer…. of course not all. LOL @ getting the names mixed up.
ErinC6 great point about not being able to do things for one child — if done for the other –due to funding, etc…. thank you!
Post # 9
(I have no kids so I’m coming from the point of view of the child) My sister and I are two years apart (she’s older), which I enjoyed growing up and didn’t really mind that I mostly wore hand-me-downs. We had a lot of the same interests, played together, took swim lessons together, etc. However, looking back now I can see that some things were hard for my sister. She enjoyed feeling older/smarter/superior when we were younger. Due to her shyness they had her to go to preschool longer and she ended up being old for her grade when she started kindergarten and I was young for my grade, so we were 1 year apart in school despite being a little over two years apart in age. By middle school I was ahead in math, so we were studying the same thing. In high school I’d take the PSAT and SAT for practice while she was taking it when it counted and I would get two or three hundred points better than her, which looking back was really hard on her.
Post # 10
@bbfyso: thank you for your response…. I definitely agree with what you stated…when you are 4 + years apart, you are not in the same place… one would be graduating high school when the other is just starting, etc… not saying that children who are spaced apart can’t be close….but I def see what you are saying.
Post # 11
@sah612: yeah, I can imagine how she felt with those situations…. I guess it’s pros and cons with both… Thank you for responding
Post # 12
@trulyblessed: Yeah the funnier thing is my MIL also gets my name and my SIL name mixed up. Our names are pretty much the same except for a letter. So between getting her sons names mixed up, now she has 2 daughter n laws whose names are almost the same. My other SIL name starts with the same letter as mine… LOL so its fun at family functions when all actually get together
Post # 13
I don’t have kids, but FI and his brothers are 2 years apart except for the youngest who is quite a bit younger because he was an Oops. They’re all very close as adults (which is a big positive IMO) though a few of them were very competitve growing up (think ms/high school age). I’m about 3.5 years older than my brothers, but we aren’t especially close. They are twins so I guess that is something else entirely. I have no idea how any of the parents feel on the spacing though!
Post # 14
@vermonster: That’s really interesting. I’ve been struck recently by the number of acquaintances I have with an autistic child.
Post # 15
I am not a mother, but I am 12 years older than my brother, so I wanted to post my feelings about that. I’m the oldest- my sister is four years younger than me, and my brother is 12 years younger. My sister and I were born in the US, and then our family moved to Europe, and my parents didn’t want to have a child in another country (due to different healthcare systems, etc.). When we moved back to the US, my parents got pregnant with my brother right away.
He is such a blessing and makes our life as a family so much more fun and exciting. It’s always fun to have a child around. But as an older sister, it has been really really hard on me to to make decisions that mean moving on with my life (going away to university, moving to a different state for a good job opportunity, etc.). I feel like I am missing so many important moments with him (sports games, solo music performances, etc.) that I never had to miss growing up closer in age to my sister with the traditional sibling experience of living together. Of course, we still text message almost every day and we talk on the phone a fair amount, and I get to see YouTube videos of his music performances, but I still have a really hard time not being there.
Just my two cents =).
I like the age difference with my sister because we are close enough in age to truly be best friends, but not so close in age that we went to school together (not since elementary school) and would have been competitive.
Post # 16
I find this thread really interesting! I have a 10 month old and now pregnant with our second that’s due in January! Some days I feel excited, but there are some that I feel terrified that our kids won’t get along or I won’t be able to handle it!