(Closed) Having children "Late" in a marriage (Poll)

posted 3 years ago in Babies
  • poll: When did you and your husband conceive your first child?
    >1 year of marriage : (43 votes)
    27 %
    1-3 years of marriage : (62 votes)
    39 %
    3-5 years of marriage : (39 votes)
    24 %
    5-8 years of marriage : (11 votes)
    7 %
    8+ years of marriage : (6 votes)
    4 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    6713 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: February 1997

    I absolutely disagree with your family. First, your family planning is YOUR business and not theirs, and I wouldn’t mention anything about it to them again. Second, the longer you and your Darling Husband have been a team, the better you will probably be as parents. You will know each other better and quite possibly have a stronger foundation than people who have not been together as long. Last, when you have your child/ren s/he/they will be very wanted, not rushed because you thought it was the “thing to do.” I think your plan sounds well-thought out and considered. Please don’t let anyone dissuade you from doing what you know is right for your life and your marriage.

    Post # 3
    Member
    385 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2017

    I am also in my last year of my undergrad and will get my bachelor’s soon and can relate to you! I don’t have kids yet, and like you and your husband, my Fiance and I aren’t planning anytime soon. That being said, your family is absolutely wrong! It is up to you and your husband ONLY as to when you have children. I personally think it’s a great idea to wait after being married a while to have children. Whether it be 2 years, 5 years.. hell even 10! Enjoy your time alone together, travel, establish you career, do the things YOU want to do. There is nothing wrong with that.

    I’m so thankful someone roughly the same age as me thinks the same! I thought I was the last one lol. But then again people have been asking me when I was having kids since I turned 20… 2 years ago.. lol

    Post # 5
    Member
    3008 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    pipsqueak :  I think your family is being ridiculous. You should have children when you are ready, period. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been together. Having good quality time togther to live your lives before having kids is a plus in my book, not a minus! I waited until I was 32 to have my first kid and wouldn’t have had it any other way. Granted, I didn’t meet my husband until I was 25, but still. My parents got married at 20 and didn’t have me until they were 31, married 11 years. They just weren’t ready to be parents in their 20’s, which I think is totally reasonable. It’s honestly none of your family’s busniess when you want to have kids.

    Post # 7
    Member
    6269 posts
    Bee Keeper

    For what it’s worth I think your plans to wait are sensible, practical, and actually quite romantic. 

    I ticked the first option in your poll but that’s due to our meeting later in life’s and therefore not being able to afford the time biologically to see if we could have a baby together. 

    Im so happy to be pregnant BUT the thing we say to each other is we wish in some ways we’d met sooner as we’d have longer together. 

    On the plus side we’ve both done our travelling, partying and we are now really ready as you can ever be and don’t feel we are missing out on anything  

    The fact you want to live your lives a bit first is a great thing. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    2655 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2016

    I can’t answer your poll, as we don’t have children yet, but Darling Husband and I are also newlyweds and were also high school sweethearts (we got together around 15/16). We’re actually coming up on our 10 year (dating) anniversary this year, so I can kind of relate. We’re hoping to start TTC from about mid year and I honestly don’t think that the length of time we’ve been together has made any difference. I have been ready to have kids for a few years whereas Darling Husband hasn’t and there have been other circumstances that have just meant it wasn’t a good time – this year, everything is starting to fall into place and we finally feel like we can offer our future children the life we want to. It’s been great just being us two but we have plenty of time for that again when our kids move out lol.

    All I can say is try not to let your family’s opinions get to you. If you believe that waiting until you’re 30 to TTC is the best decision given your circumstances, then this is the best decision. You and your husband are the people who have to raise these kids, so yours are the only opinions that should matter. Your plan makes a lot of sense to me (and I lot of other people I would wager) – so enjoy the next 8 childless years!

    Post # 9
    Member
    156 posts
    Blushing bee

    My parents got married the week they graduated from college…they were 22.  I was born then they were 30 and my sister when they were 34.  They were also high school sweethearts.  While I don’t think waiting so long was planned (miscarriages), my mom always says she’s glad they waited so long because they really grew together.  They’re very happily married 40 years later.

    Post # 10
    Member
    587 posts
    Busy bee

    Don’t let your family tell you what to do or guilt you in to parenthood sooner than you wanted.  Have childeren when you are ready, not when they want you to.  I have been married nearly three years but we have been together for nearly 14 years, and we still don’t have kids, but looking to TTC possibly this month! eeek!! We have waited until we both feel ready.  We have managed to basically cut our morgage right down, which will take a lot of pressure off the money situation when we do have kids and I won’t be able to work as much.  I am 32 this year!!

    Post # 11
    Member
    1236 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2016

    Don’t let your family guilt you! I am recently married and we are TTC but I am 35. I wish we  had a few years to wait to TTC!  Enjoy your time with you husband. Pay down any debt, work on paying off your house. Have kids when YOU feel ready!

    Post # 12
    Member
    2328 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: January 2015

    I feel you. My Darling Husband and I have been married two years but together 9 and I won’t consider TTC before I am thirty (another 2 years away). I’m establishing my career, we own our home and when we do have a baby I want to be financially comfortable.

    Some of our family may privately side eye, but I couldn’t care less. My body. My/our decision.

    Post # 13
    Member
    1293 posts
    Bumble bee

    pipsqueak :  I’m not in this position (yet) but I have a cousin that was.

    She and her husband married in their late 20’s (28/29 if memory serves) but didn’t have their 2 kids until she was 38 and 40.  They were on the fence for a really long time about whether or not they actually wanted to have kids so that was in part why they waited so long.

    They were much more prepared financially being older parents.  My cousin is now a Stay-At-Home Mom and they can comfortably afford it because she worked all the years they were child free.  She had no qualms about staying home as she felt like she had given a lot of years to her career and was ready to try something different.

    However, having kids was a huge adjustment because it was just them for so many years.  They tried to keep their child free lifestyle up, in going out to dinner and traveling all the time.  Obviously it was much harder to do with 2 little ones.  You would think as older parents they would have more patience, but they don’t.  Their kids are very spoiled because their behavior is always rewarded with material things.  They don’t realize that most families do not go to Hawaii every year.  They have better cell phones than I do.  The kids got dumped on the grandparents a lot (in my opinion) so that the parents could have their own time.  It seems as an outsider that they had more trouble adjusting than my other cousins and sister who had kids when they were younger.

    But in your case, OP, I don’t think waiting until you are 30 to have kids is old by any means.  I think it makes sense to focus on your career for a while, especially since you went to grad school.  Try not to let your family get to you.  If they’re all used to popping kids out as soon as you get married, it’s them that will have to adjust to what your plans are, which are really none of their business anyway.

    Post # 14
    Member
    7642 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    pipsqueak :  It’s less about the time married, and more about the age of the mother. Having your first child at 30 is fine! Your family is being silly. More to the point, your sisters and mothers need to butt out of your business. Your uterus isn’t their business.

    I ticked “3-5 years”, but that’s because I married in my mid-20s, and conceived when I was 29. I have some very good friends who waited 7-10 years before their first child. I also know some very happily, strongly married couples with 20+ year marriages and no children at all.

    Post # 15
    Member
    5364 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2016

    Do not let them make you feel guilty!! I think your plan sounds more than reasonable. We’re kind of in the same boat. We’re high school sweet hearts, met when we were 17, engaged at 22 and I had just turned 24 when we got married (DH was still 23). I always thought I wanted kids around 27, but I’ll be 25 in April, and 27 just seems entirely wayyyy too close. We’re thinking 29ish now, but I want 4 kids so I also can’t afford to wait forever lol. I don’t agree with your parents…if anything, I think us being together for 12 years and growing in so many ways together and individually, will make us a better team. 

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