(Closed) Having children "Late" in a marriage (Poll)

posted 3 years ago in Babies
  • poll: When did you and your husband conceive your first child?
    >1 year of marriage : (43 votes)
    27 %
    1-3 years of marriage : (62 votes)
    39 %
    3-5 years of marriage : (39 votes)
    24 %
    5-8 years of marriage : (11 votes)
    7 %
    8+ years of marriage : (6 votes)
    4 %
  • Post # 31
    Member
    582 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    My parents were married 10 years before having me (and together a few years before that) it worked for them, getting careers established and travelling. I still think I’m a couple of years too young to have children yet, so me and Darling Husband will have been married a few years before we try, I like having the time just us while we can, as there’s no going back afterwards! 

    Post # 32
    Member
    217 posts
    Helper bee

    My parents had trouble conceiving in the first place and were relatively young when they got married (24 years old). They had their first child after being married for seven years and they say that they wouldn’t change a thing. Whenever they tell stories about their time before their children, I can only imagine they had so much fun spending time together and solidifying their marriage. Marriage can already have it’s set of challenges…getting used to living with someone and having someone in your space 24/7, saving money, etc. 

    Post # 33
    Member
    1387 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    I think your plan is great! Darling Husband and I waited 2 years after getting married to have kids, BUT … 

    we’d already been together almost 8 years. We were both now in our 30’s and finished with school and post-graduate courses and financially stable. It sounds like the reasons you want to wait are the same as ours even though we didn’t get married right away. 

    Post # 34
    Member
    268 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2016

    My husband and I are also young.  I’m finishing up my bachelor’s and he finished last year before we got married.  I have already gotten questions about when we will try to conceive.  First of all, we are still in a one bedroom apartment.  Second, though we are fairly financially stable, neither of us are where we want to be career wise.  There’s a lot we want to do first before children.  Plus, I have some health issues, and am not sure I want to put my body through pregnancy and child birth.  So we’ve discussed adoption-which is so expensive!  Ideally I’d like to TTC within the next 3 years or so, but it could definitely be longer depending on what we decide and how our jobs go.  Enjoy yourself and your husband while you can, and don’t worry so much about others’ timelines.   

    Post # 35
    Member
    509 posts
    Busy bee

    pipsqueak :  I would honestly ignore them and do your own thing.

    Darling Husband and I are trying for our first child right now. We are 29 and 30. We have been together since we were 14 and 16. Got married at 25 and 27. So we have been together for 15 years. We are not the least bit concerned about it disrupting our relationship beyond repair. A baby will be a disruption regardless, but being together longer will not negatively impact it.

    It sounds like you are quite young (maybe 22?). I would encourage you to spend more time together and wait until you are both ready for children.

    Post # 36
    Member
    1350 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2017 - The Lodge at Little Seneca Creek

    My parents waited for 7 years before having children. My mom was 35 when she had me, and I’m the oldest of two! Like you, they wanted to establish their careers and enjoy spending a few years just the two of them before having kids. They’ve never regretted their decision, and they’ve been happily married for 36 years. I think you should do what works for you and your husband. If you’re only 22 now, I personally don’t think there’s any rush to have kids!

    Post # 37
    Member
    2443 posts
    Buzzing bee

    We got married at 29 and our son was born a few weeks after our fifth wedding anniversary. We wanted to enjoy married life a bit before having children. I’m happy with how things turned out.

    Post # 38
    Member
    101 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2017

    dizzybee130 :  My parent’s story almost to a T! I ended up coming into their lives through adoption when they were 35 and 37. I love that they were able to have a life together and establish careers before I came into the picture.

    Post # 39
    Member
    7131 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2012

    It’s no one else’s business but you and your husband.

    One thing I will say that while it’s awesome to have a plan, just know that people change their plans all the time. Right now at this stage in your ages/marriage 30 seems super far off and you have a lot you want to do. As the years go by a lot of people do find that their wants/desires/priorities change.

    Darling Husband and I are also high school sweethearts. We didn’t get married until we were 27 & 30, so we’ve been together 17 years total….married for 4.5 years. I was ready to TTC right away, but life sometimes gets in the way. Here are now in our early & mid 30’s are we just started TTC last year. So far we’ve not been successful and my biggest regret is that we didn’t start it sooner. Plenty of people have no issues having kids, while others it’s a struggle.

    Now I’m not saying you should have kids soon if you don’t want them, but just don’t let your family or others influence your decisions. Stick to your plan, but just know that it’s ok to change the plan as your life changes.

    Post # 40
    Member
    270 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2016

    I can’t answer your poll because I went through with my pregnancy after becoming pregnant at 16, with an ex-boyfriend. Now, at 24 with my wonderful husband, we are planning to be TTC in the next year or so even though I am still working on my degree and working.

    It’s different for everyone. A lot of people think I should wait 10 more years to have a second kid, but I don’t want to be sending my first born to college and my youngest to pre-k. Emptying the nest with one and preparing for another just is not appealing to me. There’s already a gap and I want them to be as close as possible at this point. Plus spreading out the cost of 2 kids for that long is also more of a financial stretch in the end.

    I’m sharing this insight because how we view it is completely different from others. As is your situation. I am so sorry that your family isn’t being supportive…but in the end, your future child will be so loved and come into a home that is 100% ready. This is your decision and as long as you have the means financially, mentally, and physical presence capability, you do it on your own time. Don’t let them influence your decision and be firm in that…so that over the next 8 years or so they won’t bother you about it.

    Post # 41
    Member
    1192 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    We were together for almost 10 years (married for almost two years), before our son was born. Having a kid is hard, but having all that time together without one was amazing and we have been through so much and we are deeper in love and more committed. I  think if we had had a kid early on the commitment level and love wouldn’t have been there to carry us through. 

    Post # 42
    Member
    2728 posts
    Sugar bee

    pipsqueak :  Your family is being bonkers. IGNORE them. I absolutely agree with you that it’s best for your family (the family you are creating, the children you’re yet to have) that you complete your education and get established in your career first. I didn’t want to vote in the poll because Fiance and i will probably have kids in 2-3 years. However – big however – I’m 31. 

    Post # 43
    Member
    2728 posts
    Sugar bee

    Sorry, I just realized my previous post could be offensive. I’m obviously not opposed to people having kids earlier if they’re ready and that is their plan together as a family. 

    Post # 44
    Member
    283 posts
    Helper bee

    Our plan is to TTC pretty soon after we get married, but at that point we will be 30 & 31 and together for 7 years/living together for 4. 

    I have a lot of friends who are having their first child now, around 30, after being married for 5-6 years. They are all so excited about their little ones and feel very prepared financially/emotionally and that they have done the things they wanted to do and accomplished the things they wanted to accomplish before babies. If that is what you want, you should definitely do it. Starting a family is so personal and you will be the best judge of when the time is right. 

    Post # 45
    Member
    179 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2017

    We’re plan in on having one in 8-10 years after our marriage! Same reasons as to wait until schooling is done! I dropped out of college until I can finally decide on what I want to do, so I’ll be working while my FH is going to school full time. Once he gets out I’ll be going to school full time and he’ll be working full time. Only after I’m done with school will we begin trying for a baby 🙂

    -which could be even longer than 10 years, he’s wanting a master’s and I am learning towards being an anesthesiologist lol!

    I feel that it’s good to wait, though nonecessary! It will allow us to strengthen our relationship as much as possible, without the stress of raising and kid and financial stuggles that could come along. But man, kudos to those who have kids early on and still have awesome relationships!!! 👌

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