(Closed) Having different personalities makes it very difficult…

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
1607 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Has this been an “issue” for us? I suppose.  Sometimes I want to go out and he doesnt, and sometimes he wants to go out and I dont (more often, I’m the homebody!)


Does it bother me? No.  This is adult life. It’s not his job to entertain me or do everything I want to do.  We have different levels of energy at different times. I think the reason we’re good together is because we have different interests and do things apart.  If this isn’t the type of relationship you want to be in, you need to get out of it- I know if I dated someone who wanted me to “want” to go out more, it wouldn’t work. I just like being at home. I wouldn’t expect your SO to change that portion of himself.

Post # 4
94 posts
Worker bee

My fiancé is the same.  It used to bother me until I realized that’s just who he is and I shouldn’t try to change him. If I wanna go out I go with friends.

Post # 5
284 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

My Fiance and I are very different in a lot of respects. He’s more laid back and relaxed. I am very Type A and not relaxed. However, we both love being at home. We’re homebodies.

If you value going out and spending time together and he doesn’t value going out with you, then you need to decide if that’s a dealbreaker or if it’s something you can compromise on. For the record, I don’t think there is anything wrong with going out without your Boyfriend or Best Friend, but I understand that you want him to go into the city with you.

Post # 7
1319 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - NH

figs2006:  I think as long as you have a group of friends who you can go out with, it can work.  My husband isn’t as social as I am, but I go out with girlfriends a lot for lunch, to catch a movie, go to the beach, whatever.  It works out fine, and when I ask him in advance to go to things that I really would like for him to attend with me, 90% of the time he’s there because it’s not super frequent and I try to make sure it’s something he will enjoy.  I’m also not a lover of house projects, but I offer to help once in a while so he knows I care even though it’s something he likes to do and I really don’t.  I like seeing how happy he is when I do help him, I just don’t want to do it weekly.  I hope you can work a compromise out so you won’t feel like you can’t have fun or that he doesn’t care.

Post # 8
937 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

This could be you guys just growing apart.  For me, in the past, I thought I could make it with guys that I had a very different personality from but it just lead to frustration and me pushing down my true feelings.  It’s super cheesy but there’s a song lyric- as soon as you start to make room for the parts that aren’t you it get’s harder to bloom in a garden of love.

I’m not telling you to dump the guy but if you posted on this site it means you’re probably thinking some things over.  Maybe try to get him off the couch or tell him you’re concerned.

Post # 9
2638 posts
Sugar bee

figs2006:  Well there has to be comrpomise. It sounds like you stay home pretty often, but how often does he go out with you?

does he perhaps have any social issues? 

You being able to go out on your own is great. It gives you guys time away and you can each enjoy what you like to do, however, i do agree he should go out with you SOMETIMES.

maybe you guys can come up with an agreement. Like two days a month he will go out with you (perhaps into the city) maybe one day with a group of friends and another day just you two. If he will agree to this *which i think is fair* you guys can preplan it so he is aware well ahead of time. You can pick a day that he is off or gets off early so he has time to nap (since he is always tired) etc.

Post # 10
559 posts
Busy bee

figs2006:  It seems strange he doesn’t have energy (says he is tired) when he is in the prime of his life. Does he have issues or a hard-working job?

He might benefit from exercising, sometimes expending energy makes you feel more alive.

You could get a dog together and you would bond over that and it would give him a purpose at home and also you could walk it together and go for runs. I think you could have a lot of fun that way..

Post # 11
173 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

It should be a bit of a compromise – if you’re always doing what he wants and never what you want then it doesn’t seem fair.

I’m a bit more outgoing than my Fi. I just go out with friends or go without him. He’ll sometimes go places with his friends or without me if I’m not interested in going. Sometimes I’ll go to a gig he wants to go to, even if I don’t like the band, or he’ll go to the cinema with me, even if he doesn’t like the film. A little give and take goes a long way. As some PPs have said, perhaps plan in advance and agree to 1 or 2 nights out per month. 

I wouldn’t call it an issue at all, but then I’m not someone who expects to be joined at the hip. 

Post # 12
1065 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Welcome to marriage! Not in a jerk way…just…yeah, having two different personalities is exactly what makes it difficult. It’s like one of those three legged races where both parties are trying to decide on which direction to hop in. The reality is, you are two very different people with different motivations. Which is good. Otherwise you would choose to be alone, with your own, self-known personality. Like PPs said, compromise – have him go out with you, but go to a really low key bar and people watch. And then stay home and do what he wants. Basically, marriage is hanging out with one person, forever, who is frustratingly and coolly different from you.

Post # 13
2787 posts
Sugar bee

My first impression is that you are fitting in with his preferences but that he isn’t fitting in with your preferences.

My second impression is that he can’t be bothered to pay you enough attention.  You are quite right to consider this a problem.  You’re probably a high maintenance girl who craves and deserves lots of fun and attention.  Quite right too.

After almost 27 years of marriage I am still high maintenance, but I know I’m worth it.  And so does my husband.


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