Post # 1
My SO and I do not have a perfect relationship, although we love each other and are determined to build and grow together.
This is my problem. I have had one serious relationship before which broke down when it became an LDR (And this was 5 years pre SO) I’m his first serious girlfriend. So neither of us are well practiced at having the difficult relationship discussions. We’re just about to hit two years together and in recent months I’ve been having quite a few ‘I love you, but I really wish you’d…’ insert ‘help more around the house more’ ‘be more verbal with your feelings’ etc etc moments. nothing huge, but it’s got to the point where, before he went away for work last week we had a ‘we need to talk’ pre-talk. He had family in town though which cut our talk short.
This is my problem. He’s not a verbal guy, and frankly Im scared of upsetting him with a list ‘it hurts me when you do/don’t do XYZ’. I’ve done a little research into the 5 love languages and i think it might help me express to him how I think and feel. I was pretty pessimistic until I looked into and I’m worried that it’ll be too much and can understand if he’s a bit dismissive (as frankly I would have been two weeks ago).
Anyway tips and tricks from those who have been there done that would be appreciated. Especially if you’ve got a mans man who needed a bit of prodding to vocalise feelings.
Post # 3
@Contented_J: How about instead of saying “I really wish you’d____ “
Say “it makes me feel great when you_____” .
Put a positive spin on it. It does work. My Fiance is shy, and when we first started dating he never really vocalized his feelings. Until I started letting him know how I felt In certain situations. I always try to keep things positive.
Post # 4
@Birdi: thanks. And I understand what you’re saying, that positivity is always going to be better received than a list of negatives (which I absolutely wouldn’t have gone in with anyway).
I guess there are a couple of things that I literally can’t use that line on though as hes never done those things!
Ive spent more time with his immediate family recently (we live a long way from them, they’ve been visiting) and I think I understand more why he’s the way he is, they don’t talk about thoughts and feelings AT ALL. It’s just not discussed at all.
Post # 5
- Wedding: September 2014 - White Point Garden, Charleston, SC
We’re kind of the same way. We can have those conversations, but it’s always tough and rarely goes as in depth as I’d like. My advice would be keep up with the constructive criticism, but also make sure you up your compliments and statements of appreciation to balance it out and keep him from feeling attacked.
Post # 6
@Contented_J: Same with my FI’s family. they’re not very affectionate. Although he is working on a better relationship with his dad. I don’t know how long you’ve been dating but it took a good three years for Fiance to Feel completely comfortable expressing himself. Now I can’t get him to shut up lol! Give it some time and you’ll both be fine.