Having doubts about choosing my maid of honor.

posted 2 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
2240 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

Who says you can’t have two maid of honours? My fiance couldn’t choose between his two best friends so he is having two best men.

Post # 3
1836 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

I would have three bridesmaids and skip the maid of honour.

Post # 4
1452 posts
Bumble bee

I was in a similar dilemma with my BMs so I had ended up making my two BFFs my MOHs.  

Post # 6
7627 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

You could just not have a maid of honor. That’s what I did. There was no obvious candidate for me (I don’t have a sister) so rather than stress myself out and potentially hurt people’s feelings, I just had 5 bridesmaids and no Maid/Matron of Honor. Worked out just fine!

Post # 7
142 posts
Blushing bee

I would talk you your friend A about how distant you’re feeling in the friendship. Maybe she doesn’t feel needed nor does she realize how important her presence is to you right now. I think a mature conversation about how it’s hurting you, will open her up about her reasons for becoming more distant. If you don’t want to talk to her, then I agree with others that you can have two Maid/Matron of Honor. I’m in a similar situation, actually. I may go with the two Maid/Matron of Honor option.

Post # 8
3024 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

I didn’t have a maid of honour, just bridesmaids. I wouldn’t have one either in your situation. And MOHs don’t really help you with planning the wedding anyways, that’s what your fiance is for!

Post # 9
8938 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
rainyday72 :  “she’s been kinda flaky about engagement related activities” — How many engagement-related activities are we talking about here?

Post # 11
983 posts
Busy bee

You don’t need a Maid/Matron of Honor. I’m a bridesmaid for one of my friends (2 other attendants) and she is not having a Maid/Matron of Honor, but I’ve naturally slipped into the role of helping her organize, dress shop, etc…I don’t mind not officially being the Maid/Matron of Honor – I’m happy to help however I can. 

As far as speeches, you can have whoever wants to give a speech. I went to a wedding last year where two bridesmaids gave a speech together, and then one bridesmaid gave a speech alone – and there were 9 bridesmaids, so not everyone gave a speech (thank goodness!!)

Post # 12
574 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
rainyday72 :  Have you considered asking your mom?

Post # 13
12840 posts
Honey Beekeeper

I wouldn’t try to “match” the relationship your fiancé has with his brother by naming one person to be maid of honor when one relationship doesn’t clearly stand out. You don’t have to have any speeches beyond the one traditional toast, for that matter. Alternatively, anyone can speak. 

Post # 15
258 posts
Helper bee

If the only distinction you’re making between a Maid/Matron of Honor and a bridesmaid is that the Maid/Matron of Honor will make a speech, then choose A. She’s known you for longer, it sounds like she knows your fiancé and relationship best, and perhaps it might help you grow a bit closer again.

But think very hard beforehand about whether you really won’t expect the Maid/Matron of Honor to perform additional duties. If you hope the Maid/Matron of Honor will plan the bachelorette party or take the lead on any other wedding-related duties. If you interrogate your feelings & realize you really will want that or be hurt if your Maid/Matron of Honor doesn’t volunteer to do those things, then choose B. Having high expectations that may go unmet will only wreck your relationship with A further. 

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