Having doubts after 1 month of marriage

posted 1 year ago in Relationships
Post # 31
1168 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

piscesgirl08 :  “…he’ll have food ready when I come home from work, he’ll clean the house, drive me to and from work whenever he can .. he’s there when I need him.”

This is the way your husband shows his love and affection. It sounds like you have to accept your husband for who he is and figure out whether you want to be with that person.

My husband is similar–he is not very romantic or affectionate and he has a lower sex drive than me. He also shows his love and affection in doing regular, everyday things for me. I have had other more passionate relationships with people that fizzled out over time. I really love my husband and although the passion isn’t as extreme, our values line up and I have always thought that we had a very stable relationship that we were building on. I love him deeply, and he loves me deeply as well. We accept one another and do our best to understand each other. We are building a deep love on a solid foundation.

Our relationship is not as passionate as some of my other relationships have been, but my husband and I have been through thick and thin together. Our love has not waivered. It has always been there and continues to be there. I can’t imagine a day without him, and I know that he feels the same about me. That’s what love is to me–it’s not all about the passion.

One quote I really love:

Post # 32
4522 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

sboom :  your partner has said over and over again that they would really like you to take them on a romantic date sometime and in 5 years you have never done it, I can see how that would be frustrating

I totally get what you are saying but I wonder if OP is actually really communicating her desire to be taken on a  romantic date etc in a way that her partner understands. I for example grew up with a dad who did not know how to deal if someone got completely emotional. He either went into rational mode or shut down and whatever message we tried to convey in our emotional state got completely lost in translation.( I can’t imagine how my dad felt having a house with lots of teenage daughters!!) OP is stating that she’s told him multiple times but I wonder if he really heard her. Maybe he is like my dad and doesn’t deal with ‘overly emotional’ well. I now know as an adult how to best convey my message for dad to ubderstsnd and here be. We are only hearing one side here… 

I think that a total lack of understanding of how the other works is a huge problem here. As is communication skills. I’m not saying OP should stay for the sake of it but I think some guided professional intervention may help OP.

I can also understand how exhausting it would be if in your relationship you were expected to have to be someone you aren’t and then be silently judged lacking because someone has really unrealistic expectations of you. Marriage is about loving an accepting someone as is. OP wants something different to her husband…

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