(Closed) Having doubts and feeling guilty – help!

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
146 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011



dont think of it as getting old.. think of it as a progression in your life.. 


i know what you mean though sometimes i feel old too but honestly i dont care i love my man so much that the thought of spending my entire life with him is the best part of all of this.. 


Post # 4
121 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

No, you won’t be unhappily married. It’ll be a little bit of a different life, but you don’t immediately turn into your mother once you get married!

Once the stress of planning the wedding is gone, you’ll be back to your old self. Being married doesn’t make you old, the way you feel and act makes you old.

Post # 5
661 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

Yes, I can relate.

Same type of scenerio – caught up in wedding planning and enjoying all the wonderful memories that come with it; and it occured to me one day … if I had any doubts, would I cancel it or keep it because of how excited I am?

I know it sounds silly, but true.  And then it hit me …. Crap, this is rest of my life, only one person, for better or for worse, can’t kick him out for the night just sleep on the couch, don’t fight in front of the kids, forever and ever marriage.

And I felt guilty as I continued to plan this day.  And it only took one occasion where my Fiance was helping me plan something that made me realize how much I’m happy that man is him.  And I’m happy I’m doing this.  And you should feel the same as well.

Fact is, before you started planning … you said “yes” for a reason.  Wink Remember that.

Post # 6
1871 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

Hmm…Well, you know that you’ll get old whether you’re married or not. Do you want to grow old with this person or not?

Seriously, though. I think doubts are normal. And it is a change in your life which is probably what you’re dealing with–not so much feeling “old” but just like one chapter is closing and another’s opening. It’s fine to mourn the closing of your childhood if marriage symbolizes that for you, but just make sure that you separate that from any hesitations you have about your Fiance or marriage. And remember that at the end of the day, the end of your childhood is inevitable. But that also only means that you’ve got something else new to look forward to.

Post # 7
5118 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

To me it sounds like you’re not so much doubting your relationship/wedding, but are someone distressed over the idea of being ‘old’ or changed once the wedding happens. Your Fiance will still see you as sexy, and you’ll be his wife! There’s no reason that you can’t keep up that level of spark if that’s what’s getting you down. I don’t think you’ll be unhappy once you’re married, it’s just a change in your life, and you’ll learn to see yourself in a new role as a wife. That role doesn’t have to be dowdy though, sass it up Wink

Post # 8
111 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I understand. Under all of this stress, I feel old too. I think once some of this hectic junk is out of the way, we’ll have more space to feel young again.

Post # 9
9053 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

I already figured I was pretty grown up after I graduated college, got a real job and had my 25th birthday, so by time I got married the crises were over 🙂

It’s up to you whether these are just normal cold feet worries, or something more instinctual telling you to leave.

Post # 11
105 posts
Blushing bee

Your feelings are so, so normal.  Depending on your age, it might be affecting you differently too. It’s a huge transition, and as others have noted, it’s so common to ‘mourn’ or ‘grieve’ your single life as you enter into this stage of your life.  Life is cyclical, so anytime we gain something (husband, marriage, husband’s family, new title of wife), we also might feel the loss of something else (singlehood, leaving our own family, etc).  Encourage you to check out ConsciousWeddings.com and ConsciousTransitions.com.  She has a whole section on women who experience the same things you are.  Congrats on the upcoming marriage!

Post # 12
395 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I’ve felt the same way! It’s like the end of an era…

but do not worry. you’re not having doubts about the groom, just the aspect. Give it time, you’ll be fine. Besides, you wont cease to be yourself, just a new married version! 🙂

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