(Closed) Having Irrational fears….Help please!

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
869 posts
Busy bee

Yes!  (At least I think so).  When I was trying on dresses I had serious anxiety for days/weeks.  It got to the point where I was having heaviness/pains in my chest.  I seriously thought I was having a heart attack or something.  Ridiculous.  Since then I’ve said “eff it” to a lot of things. We had to scale back and make things more casual (due to other reasons), and now that things are going to be less formal, I’m less stressed.  Hope things get better for you!

Post # 4
Member
9130 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

IMO, since the anxiety is affecting you to this extent, it’s time for a visit to the doc.  I feel badly that you are suffering so much when anxiety is treatable.

Post # 5
Member
227 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Yes….it does/did this to me a LOT. Apparently all my friends were going through it too–to the point where I had a friend think that she was pregnant while being a virgin (we laughed later about it) but the wedding panic puts you in a panic about EVERYTHING! (RE: My post of having a panic attack in Michael’s last night) 

Post # 6
Member
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

@sassy411:  I agree

It’s normal to be stressed and act out of the ordinary but you are having quite a bit of anxiety!

Post # 7
Member
52 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@KallahinBaltimore:  The anxiety is normal.  Many people suffer mild anxiety throughout their lives, especially when they are thrown into a stressful situation that they aren’t used to being in.  Weddings are truly overwhelming – you have to constantly think about money, invitations, family drama, decorations, color schemes etc etc and all this is done in your head (unless you happen to be a designer, then maybe you can draw it out!)  Theanxiety is just your brains way of trying to compensate for the over load.  I have dealt with an anxiety disorder my entire life – and I knew that planning my wedding was going to be difficult for me!  But to help – it’s really about taking things ONE STEP AT A TIME – you have to make sure your not allowing your brain to go off on crazy tangents of thought (eventually leading you to the irrational fears).  Breathing exercises truly help as well when you find yourself at the point where your out of breath, crying, and just really freaking out.  Take three deep breaths and then talk yourself down (“This is okay”  “I am not sick”  “Everything will work out”).  I usually keep repeating this until I feel like I have a little more control.  Another tip is exercise!  It will help boost your seratonin levels which will help with the depressive feelings. 

These are things that really help me.  You have to find techniques that work for you and use them.  If you find that nothing is working, then I agree with sassy about seeing your doctor.  who might be able to suggest a better treatment.  Good luck!

Post # 8
Member
6019 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

I am this way normally. It does not affect my ability to live a normal life. Like i wont stop driving because of my irrational fear that I will end up on the 10 oclock news in some horrific accident. I dont have any noticeable reaction when im driving its mostly just the thoughts that pass through my head. I also think every pain is some sign of something that im just ignoring and ill end up finding out its something horrible. So i get it. I actually did speak with my therapist for this and she said that in my case (everyone is different obviously) given what she knows about the rest of my life and how I am that she thought it was part of the fact that in the past few years I have had to accept that I am no longer a kid and that in turn has made me think  more about my mortality. So basically I have become obsessed with the fact that I will someday have to die. It made total sense to me. So she has been working with me on trying to retrain my thought process so that I do avoid the occasional panic attack that would result from thinking about this stuff too much. I just have to remind myself of the things that I am in control of and get to a point where I can accept that death is a part of life, that I am not abnormal for having these fears and that I am in control of my thoughts and how far I let it go. Its gotten so much better since bringing it up to my doctor. It might have a different cause for you so Im with others who have said to speak with a doctor. I did not opt to take medication but I know a few friends who have had the same thing go on and have taken that route and it helped them tremendously. Just know that whether its through counseling and working on your own thought processes or through medication there are ways to improve this so that it does not affect you as much. I know its hard, so good luck and I do hope things get better for you!

Post # 9
Member
1319 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

@stardustintheeyes:  This helped me so much to read.

OP, I’ve been overly anxious since I was young, but when I started planning my wedding, it got *so* much worse. I ended up breaking down in the doctor’s office (third visit for him to tell me nothing was wrong with me). My breath had started getting short, and it was terrifying me. Any time something hurt, I freaked out. He prescribed me Xanax to see if it would help, and it helped a *lot.*

Back off on the wedding. Still plan it, but tell yourself it’s not that important. It’s not worth your health. You just need to show up. It’ll be pretty no matter what.

Post # 10
Member
187 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

It’s great that you recognize that these are irrational thoughts and the likelihood of these things happening are so slim—and there’s nothing certifiable about experiencing them!! Many people experience irrational thoughts… the difference is that some people think them and let them pass through their mind without reacting–an anxious person has an irrational thought and sees that thought as a red flag and as a result feels more anxiety and creates a horrible cyclic pattern of thinking that can be very tiring and time consuming!

Unfortunately, it takes more than saying the “right thing” through an online forum to help them go away… but, the good thing is that many people have irrational thoughts & related anxiety and learn how to work through them to the extent that they no longer impact their lives.  Yes, stressful things can bring on more anxiety, but I wouldn’t therefore ignore it if it bothers you this much.

Personally, I don’t recommend running out to your GP and getting a prescription for Xanax just yet… I know lots of people take it now and yes, it can lessen the effects of anxiety, but it’s not going to help you with thought patterns that create anxiety, and if you’re planning on having children, can only intensify post-partum.  I’d consider scheduling a consultation with a good therapist who has experience in obsessive, irrational thinking and cognitive behavorial therapy and nip this in the bud before it becomes something that you’d want to medicate.  For many people, they go right to the meds right away and it’s a short-term solution to a broader issue.

 

 

Post # 11
Member
693 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I was overwhelmed too, and decided screw this. I’m naturally lazy and unorganized but I love to clean and make lists. Does that make sense? My house is spotless but my craft room and my own closet are INSANE.

I decided to chill out, and make lists. And then cut back on EVERYTHING. No, I don’t need to purchase fabric to sew my own napkins. I can’t even sew. Yes, I have a sewing machine. That sits and collects dust. Did I really buy turquoise satin to make my daughter a dress? Ugh. Mason jars for centerpieces? Tons of stuff for hair clips for 3 flower girls (that aren’t coming?!?) Fill notebooks with sketches of everything I insisted I needed? Over it.

I had to take a step waaaaay  back.

We agreed on a beach ceremony with dinner afterwards. 14 hours away from us. This helps because ALL of those craft ideas I had, are now ridiculous. How would I transport gazebos and napkins and huge candlesticks in the Explorer with us, daughter, dog, and suitcases? We can’t. I had to let it go. I was driving everyone crazy with thousands of ideas and nothing to show for it.

Four months away and we still don’t have a dinner site. I’m cool with it, because I have to be. I’ve thrown all my anxiety into exercising and eating healthier. I can control those things.

 

 

 

Post # 12
Member
1319 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

Just to clarify, I wasn’t suggesting you run out and get drugs. I didn’t ask for them, the doctor did it to see if my complaints were anxiety related. It helped a lot to know they were, and Darling Husband and I are planning to find me a therapist fairly soon. Only a doctor can decide if you need to take medicine.

Personally, I think you’re fine. Planning a wedding is stressful. Sounds pretty normal. Just told my story to let you know how badly stress can mess you up. 🙂

Post # 13
Member
187 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@sweetpea87:  Also to clarify, definitely not judging!  People need to decide what’s best for them.  I’m a definite advocate of using drugs to supplement therapy when necessary.  Anxiety can be absolutely horrific and people experience in different severity, frequency, and for varying underlying reasons.  What works for one, might work for the other.  But, it’s always better to bring it up with a professional because it’s the sort of thing that gets worse over time if not treated. 

Post # 14
Member
65 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

I have EXACTLY the same thoughts and feelings!!!!!

 

I think some of mine are driven by the fact my dad died when I was just a child, and now I’m nearly the aged he died… so I really have to face my mortality (for this world anyway). I wish I didn’t feel this way.

 

I’m starting therapy next week which I hope will help me, it doesn’t stop me doing anything but I don’t want to live life like this!

 

Post # 16
Member
911 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

those thoughts are totally normail and everyone has them, just tell yourself that you are having a normal silly thought, and you do not need to focus on it. its more of you harrassing yourself about thinking these things than that your actually thinking them..

its called pure o, google it for some tips on how to change your thinking pattern

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