Post # 1
How long after the wedding do you think is a good time to have kids? My fiance and I both come from big families, and we both want 4-6 kids, I’ll be 27 when we get married. I know it gets harder to have kids when you reach your 30’s, but I also don’t want to be known as the wierdo who gave birth 9 months after her wedding.
And how does having kids early in the marriage effect the marrige, and how does having kids a few years after the wedding affect the marriage?
Post # 3
I don’t have children yet, so I could not comment on that part.
Where I live, we have one of the latest ages for marriage and first birth in the world. The average age for a first birth is 30. This is all the more remarkable when you consider that we have one of the highest teenage pregnancy rates in the world…. so there are some old first time Mums out there who are bringing up that average!
I am 30 years old. When I mention to my friends that we are thinking about having children soon, they usually react with horror. It is not on their agenda yet. Whilst I suspect that many of them will eventually have children, this will be many years down the line. Personally, I would rather have kids in my 30s in order to avoid the increased risk of birth defects, if possible.
I think it’s when you feel ready, not about anyone else. You also don’t say how long you have been with your FI. DH and I were together for almost 8 years when we married. We had been living together for several of those years, and had been in an LDR (for work reasons) for a while as well. For us, we had been together so long already that marriage was just one more step on the road to adulthood… it really hasn’t been some sort of big emotional upheaval. Being married is just like… not being married!
One of the main reasons we got married (because some of my relatives were curious, and asked me what the point of marriage was in this day and age, when we could just live together instead) was to provide a secure environment for raising children. If this is also one of your primary motivations, it makes sense to have children whenever you want. I have several older, extended family members who got married and then immediately had children… like us, they had been with their partners a long time and got married for the kids.
When people say to you “enjoy being married first!”, I think what they really mean is “enjoy living with your partner and spoil each other!”. If you have already been doing this for many years, I don’t think that is necessarily a reason to wait!
Post # 4
Firstly, don’t worry about what other people think about when you should and shouldn’t have children. It really doesn’t concern them. This is about you, your husband, and your future children, not others. The right time is different for everyone, but, generally, once your married, the right time is any time.
My advice is to start having sex without birth control and let nature take it’s course. Do some charting of your cycle; get to know your body and how it’s working. If you want to go to the doctor to check how your fertility is, go ahead and do that. Have sex regularly and enjoy it. Let nature do it’s thing.
The effects of children on marriage, whether they come early on or later, is different for every couple. What I strongly advise, however, is that you start learning about child development now. One of the biggest ways in which parents do their children and themselves a disservice is to not learn about how children develop and what they are and aren’t capable of at different ages and stages in their lives. Make parenting easier on yourself and childhood easier on your children — learn about childhood development. This understanding of how children work will remove many stressors from your lives and, consequently, stress from your marriage.
Post # 5
@TheConfusedBride: My mom was a weirdo who gave birth 9 months after her wedding, lol. I would say if you’re ready for it, go for it. The only issue my mom had with it was that she was only 21 when I was born and hadn’t lived much of her adult life. My dad never started acting like he had a family, so she resented me for forcing her to stay home alone with me. But you’re 27, you’ve had your fun. If you feel ready and you want 4 kids, there’s no time like the present.
Post # 6
My husband and I may not have kids. But we might. If we do, we will adopt. I think the time you two have together alone (without kids) is important, as the dynamics change a lot once kids enter the picture. Kids require a lot of attention and require a huge adjustment.
Post # 7
@TheConfusedBride: I think it has to do with your ages, where you are in your life, and what stages your relationship has already been through. We will be TTC right away because I’m 28 (will be 29 when we marry), have graduated college, have a steady job and income, and we’ve already lived together for 3 years so I don’t feel like I’d be missing much in the newlywed stage. But only you and your FI can decide when is right for you.
Post # 8
I will be one of those people giving birth 8 months from my wedding as I was 5 weeks pregnant at the wedding. Despite what people assume, it is a planned pregnancy. We wanted children right away and thought it would take a few months to stick so we started the month before the wedding and I got my BFP 11 days before the wedding (on DH’s 30th birthday!). We were the type of couple that lived as though we were married for about 2 years before the wedding, so we didn’t expect getting married to change anything. We had already combined our income and owned a lot together. We had a good time living together and really growing as a couple before we said “I do”. Thus, the wedding was a formality and was a way to celebrate what we already had together. We were ready to take the next step together. It has been 5 months since the wedding and there have definitely been some changes, but all as a result of the pregnancy and all good changes. We are learning new things about each other and growing together as a couple while we prepare for our little girl to arrive in just 17 weeks!
Post # 9
have kids whenever you’re ready and it feels right. don’t put a clock on it. For me, I just want to be financially stable. That’s all i need. Every single couple we know that has gotten married in the past 3 years has gotten pregnant on their honey moon. EVERY SINGLE ONE. It almost makes me NOT want to do that just so I’m not the cliche. lol.
Post # 10
i’m 23, we got married last year in Dec and then had an unplanned pregnancy (yep i had baby fever). We did want to wait couple years but as I hold my child in my arms I would not want it any other way. He did change our lives in so many ways but we love it (yes my husband as well). Isnt he precious?
Post # 11
@TheConfusedBride: Do you live together now? If you do then it wouldnt be too much change at once if you were to get pregnant soon after the wedding. If you dont, wait at least a year to get used to living together. I am 26, DH is 28. He wants kids in a year and a half and I want them in 2-3 years. We also want 2-3.
Post # 12
For reference, we are 26 and 27. We had a big trip planned after our wedding, so we didn’t start trying right away. I think it is nice to have at least 3 months, but ideally 6m-1y of newlywed bliss before TTC. You can tie up loose end from the wedding and start preparing financially and physically (your body and house). It took us 8 months to get pregnant and I will be 7 weeks on our first anniversary. I wish I could drink champagne with my husband, but to be honest we really enjoy the sparkling grape juice more anyway (kids at heart).
Post # 13
Do what’s right for you. We just got married a month ago and plan to wait until I’m 30 (about a year and a half from now). We plan to enjoy having 2 incomes and no kids for a while, save up to buy a bigger place and to cover some of the expenses that come along with having a family (ie, I don’t have paid maternity leave). I have heard the first year of marriage is the most difficult. I’m not sure how true that is though. If you feel ready, then go for it!
Post # 14
I wouldn’t worry about what other people think. Also, if you’re healthy now, your fertility really won’t start to decline until your late 30s/40s. Maybe come to a compromise and start on your first anniversary.
If you are only moving in together after marriage I would probably wait at least a year before TTC. It’s not as important if you’ve been living together 4 years already!
I got pregnant immediately after going off BCP (before my wedding) but for some it will take a while. I’m 29. You really won’t know until you try but if you start TTC be prepared to become pregnant within a couple of months unless you have known/diagnosed issues.
Post # 15
This isn’t a decision you should worry about what other people think! If you and your husband feel ready for kids right away, then that’s great. If not, that’s great too. My husband and I decided to wait a year before trying, and are just TTC now. I have several friends who got pregnant or started trying right after the wedding, and I don’t think that’s weird at all. You may get some smirks and well-meaning jokes at your expense for being successful so quickly, but don’t worry about what other people think.
Post # 16
I wouldn’t worry about your age. All my friends who have kids got pregnant around/after 35, and had no issues. You’ll know when its time, and until then, enjoy being a newlywed! I just got married in March, and I wanted a LONG time to meet my husband, so I want to enjoy every second before we try to start a family!