(Closed) Having Kids vs. Not Having Kids

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 137
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1344 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

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@maloussii:  Any excuse to share some pictures of my babies Laughing 

 

This one is Jack, my darling riding horse! He’s a 4.5 year old Quarter Horse x Appy who I rescued, because his owner was going to have him shot for dog meat as a 2 year old. We’ve got a pretty amazing bond, he’ll do just about anything for me, but nobody else has been able to ride him yet. He still needed to put on a little weight in this picture, he’d probably been in my care for 2 months at this point.

This one is Lady. She’s 20 this year and I think an Arabian x or maybe a welsh. She was retired due to a lameness but has just come sound after 2.5 years, so in spring hopefully I’ll be able to start doing some light riding with her. She’s a darling, I grew up riding horses but had a break for a few years and this little mare gave me confidence again.

 

This one is Sugar. She’s FI’s horse (she’s really a pony, but Fiance hates me saying he has a pony lol). Don’t know how old she is, or what breed. Going by her teeth we’re guessing she’s 12ish and I think a welsh x, or maybe a QH x. 

These are our 3. I rescue one horse at a time and will work with them until they’re the best I can get them and then I will rehome them, but I just had one leave a couple of weeks ago so I haven’t rescued another yet, I told Fiance I’d take a little break. That’s actually how I got Jack, he was a rescue but I adored him SO much that I couldn’t bare to get rid of him, and at the same time he was here Lady became lame so he became my new riding horse!

Sorry, I’m blabbering and threadjacking. OMG, I’m as bad as the creepy people at work who won’t shut up about their babies…

Post # 138
Member
9916 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

Every intelligent, educated, critical thinking person should have, like, a hundred kids.  I need to see Idiocracy, it seems, but it’s totally true: people who don’t think are having TONS of kids, and people who DO think aren’t.  So even if a kid pops out of the nonthinkers who happens to BE a thinker, he/she will be diminished by his/her surroundings.  

Post # 140
Member
3088 posts
Sugar bee

NEVER.WANTED.CHILDREN…Ever……….. Was on my way to law school, married, and then??

I got pregnant and got pregnant again after that. Honestly, was considering terminating but could not go through with it. So, now I have two and I would not trade them for all the money in the world. Yes, it is hard, yes it is exhausting and time consuming but so is my job and all kinds of other stuff that I actually enjoy.  So yeah, I understand not wanting kids and to be honest, I see many advantages of not having kids (mainly financial and time).  But for me, it is the loveliest thing that I can look into my children’s faces and see my trademark, my genes, my fate…I believe the future will be the future.  We can be better and do better and hopefully, the earth will be fine.  Hopefully, my kids will be positive contributions to all of this.  For me, having children is AH.MAZ.ING and I shudder to think of my life without them.

Post # 141
Member
2285 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: Central Park

You can have one or two children without adding onto the poluation issues in the long run. They’ll replace you when you die. DH and I have decided on two kids.

Post # 142
Member
109 posts
Blushing bee

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@Butterfly6:  That’s such a touching story. Wonderful to hear. Thanks for sharing. xx

Post # 143
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749 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

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@VegasSukie:  As a “woman of science”, the first positive that comes to mind is fulfilling my biologial responsibility (might get flamed, people on here dont seem to approve of this thinking) to contribute and further the evolution and genetic code of man kind… Secondly, along the line of science again, creating life from one or two cells that grows into an intelligent being is so miraculus, that I cannot wait to be a part of that. 

I could argue with you that it not garunteed either that your children will grow up to “resent/hate you for some reason despite doing your best to raise them”. You might actually do a great job, and teach your kids love, respect, compassion, and they will grow up to be productive members of society that are very greatful and thankful for the parents that they have, and be more than happy to take care of you when youre old. (i dont mean “you” personally either) There might be some hard times when my child is a teenager and going through hormonal changes and figuring out who he or she is, but i dont think that is something that I would not want to deal with. 

I think by having a child i would learn and grow in so many ways that I would never know if i didnt hav one (or three). I think i will learn a different kind of love, I will learn how to have a different kind of relationship with people, with my children, and with my husband; I will learn sacrifice, which in turn will help me to appreciate things i never thought to appreciate before.

That would be enough for me, but I will add that I cannot wait to share things like holidays and birthdays with children because, especially when they are very young, the smallest things bring them the greatest joy. I also am looking forward to the pride i will feel when my kids reach milestones in thier lives. I think that is sense of pride thats different than when I personally complete something, or even when my dog learns a new trick.

I tried to stay away from the “typical reasons” like i just want to be a mom, or I love kids and want hoard of them running around. I honeslty feel like having a child is an extremely rewarding thing that I personally cannot wait to experience. 

I hope this shed some light on positive reasons why I want to have children. 🙂

Post # 144
Member
499 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Man, I am loving the crap out of this thread, it is funny as hell and I can so relate to what many of what pp’s have stated so eloquently.

Childless by choice here! Never had any maternal instincts, never felt any kind of biological clock ticking, never experienced any kind of jarring emotion from being near children, seeing babies/holding babies. I don’t find babies endearing or interesting, the thought of pregnancy grosses me out. I love my current lifestyle, I love sleeping late on the weekends, owning an awesome adult/non-child friendly glass/sharp edged furnished home, taking lavish vacations and living comfortably.

When I was a kid myself, and I always tell this story, the nuns in Catholic school asked us 7th graders to volunteer to monitor the 1st and 2nd graders- NO ONE volunteered. My nun teacher points at me and says “Denise, why don’t you want to be a monitor?” and I said “I don’t like children!” and she said “That’s nonsense, you will change your mind when you get older” and then that biyatch made me a monitor! NOTHING has changed since then, lol. I still resent her for making me watch those brats…lol, but I digress.

In addition to all of the above, the whole financial aspect of raising children is another deterrent and my hhi is probably in the top percent. The price of education in this country is INSANE. The thought of someone being financially dependent on me, forever, is not something I’d like to entertain.

Having a kid changes the whole dynamic of a marriage. I’ve seen the strain that having children has had on my friends and relatives- my brother hasn’t taken a vacation in over FIVE years, because he’s the breadwinner, his wife is a stay at home and he has two kids. I’ve also seen marriages fall apart because of the strain of having and raising a child has placed on the relationship. I have a few friends that are in therapy because of this- it’s not easy by any means.  About a month ago a coworker asked me “when are you going to have children?”, she has one, and I was honest with her and iterated what I said here, she then admitted to me how she didn’t want a kid either and she’s miserable, which just made me sad for her. Definitely not easy.

Post # 145
Member
1880 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

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@Kandiss16:  It definitely does!  Thank you for your response.  I guess nothing is guaranteed in life but if we spend our lives not doing things because of the possible negative repercussions then we wouldn’t get much accomplished.  That being said, I don’t feel the rewards/positives that you mentioned are “enough” to get me to change my mind either way.  I tend to look at life very realisitically and in my reality, parenthood/child rearing/etc. has not been the pretty picture of Kodak moments and love that you described/hope for.  Yes, we did have some good times, but I think the suffering/bad times outweighed the good so it’s hard for me to “see” the positives.  But, again, I thank you for your response and honesty. 

Post # 147
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749 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

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@VegasSukie:  No problem! I see nothing wrong with not having kids, espcially if you have decided its not for you. I was/am very careful not to use the words “you”, when describing my reasons because it is a very personal decision and those are my reasons. I was definitely not trying to convince you one way or another. 

I am also a VERY realistic person, but I guess I am just choosing to look at the psositive realities and posibilities and I dont see them as “Kodak moments”. I do understand the potential negative realities that could happen and im not discounting them. Me, and my Fiance especially, didnt have picture perfect childhoods, but i take from that, and what we have talked about, is what we will do differently with our children. We can only control our own actions and how we react to situations. We know that we have a chance to “break the cycle” and contribute something/someone that will be a productive member of society and could potentially have a positive impact on the future. 🙂

Post # 148
Member
513 posts
Busy bee

Pregnancy terrifies me, and it kind of grosses me out too. I have body image issues and I’m sure they would increase ten-fold after having a baby. I’m worried about passing health issues on. Kids annoy me – I’m disgusted by snot/poo/drool/vomit/boogers. Rarely do I find a kid “cute”, and that’s only when they are extremely well behaved. I want to travel, take awesome vacations, have my Fiance all to myself, spend my money on me/us. I’m worried about all the time, money, and effort you have to put in to raising a child.

 

I’m hoping I will change my mind, because Fiance recently decided he wants at least one. :/ I’m 24 and told him I need at least 5 years. He’s 32 and is worried about being too old.

Post # 149
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1222 posts
Bumble bee

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@VegasSukie:   ” If you’re lucky, said kids may even grow up to resent/hate you for some reason despite doing your best to raise them.” Tell me, do you resent or hate your parents, and if so, do you really feel they did their best? In my experience, the children that grow up to hate their parents have parents who physically or emotionally abused them, neglected them, or pushed them away with irrational behavior. In other words, their parents did not do their best. Yeah, the teenage years suck, but a lot of people grow out of that to have a happy, healthy relationship with their parents. Obviously having children or not having children is a personal decision, and a lot of people do see it as a thankless job, because a lot of times it is. But it is completely unfair to imply that most people don’t love their parents and that the best outcome a parent can hope for is unexplained hate and resentment.

 

OP, personally, I’ve always seen myself as a mom. Through choosing a career and college major, at the end of the day I always envisioned myself tucking in my babies, baking cookies and helping with homework. I have several younger neices and a nephew, and they are the light of my life. It’s always just been a given for me.

 

Post # 150
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1880 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

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@ForeverBirds:  You are probably right. But, I have heard many adults who come from good, loving homes that still bitch and moan about what their parents didn’t do for them. That may have more to with entitlement than child-rearing but it still exists. I’m sure a lot of those sentiments pop up over the teen years and they quickly get over it but that still doesn’t make me want to endure even a short period of time of being told I suck and or am hated by my kid.

 

Post # 151
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1222 posts
Bumble bee

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@VegasSukie:   I agree, it probably is an entitlement thing. My mom has Borderline Personality, and even after years of emotional abuse, I do still love her. I can’t have a healthy relationship with her, but I love her and wish her the best. But I do get what you’re saying. Being a parent is a thankless job. You spend the first couple of years being peed and pooped and vomited on, then several more years as a chef, maid, chauffeur, therapist, etc, and it’s usually not until after you’ve spent 18+ years giving another person your all that they really realize what you’ve done for them. It definitely is something no one should do unless they absolutely want to, and yet so many people do it because it’s what they feel society expects of them, and that is truely a sad thing. Not only because a lot of children come into this world unwanted, but because a person is worth a lot more than the fruits of their uterus.

Ok, I’m going to get off of my soapbox now.

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