(Closed) Having Kids vs. Not Having Kids

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 62
Member
648 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Oh my, how much time do you have? Hehe.

 

Here are my reasons for not wanting kids:

1) I don’t like kids. (I like some people’s kids, but not enough to want to create one of my own.)

2) I don’t want to be pregnant or give birth

3) Kids are too expensive (especially where I live. The cost of living is drastically high, so I don’t know how we could afford to give our child the kind of life we’d want for them.)

4) I don’t want to not have time for my husband

5) They kill your body

6) They kill your sex life

7) Overpopulation is helping to kill the earth

8) I have zero desire to have kids. The whole entirety of it doesn’t appeal to me, so I don’t see it as something I’m giving up since it’s something I’ve never wanted.

9) I don’t see a way to properly balance work and motherhood. (I’m very particular and wouldn’t want to just have a child and have to put it into daycare, nor would my parents help raise my child, not that I would ever ask them to. So that means I stay home, but how would we afford to live and raise a child on one income, see #3.)

10) I can’t function without a quiet home, I really can’t.

11) I also can’t function without adequate, quality sleep.

12) Increased freedom (Typical reasons like travel, can move when we want to, can take promotions if we’re offered them etc etc.)

 

….I know I’m missing a bunch. But that gives a general idea:)

Post # 63
Member
3460 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Well, I think I’m pretty darned smart, my husband is even smarter, and my kids will be pretty darn smart too.  I might choose not to have kids for many reasons, but overpopulation is not one of them because:

1) I fear this happening:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=icmRCixQrx8
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U8rhIZJAdd0
(2 mins each from idiocracy, watch top first)

I don’t think that stopping those intelligent enough to understand overpopulation will fix the issue and you need someone smart to solve the overpopulation issue.

2) Barring twins for kiddo two, I would only have 2 kids at most, which is actually less than replacement.  So I’m not contributing to overpopulation.  ETA: DH is of Jewish descent, so there’s actually an argument on his side TO populate the world. 

Post # 64
Member
7995 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

Just around the corner is probably something like the 1918 influenza pandemic that killed 50 million people (a conservative estimate).  Yes, the world may be heading toward over population- but I think nature has a way of taking care of those things- so I don’t stay up nights worrying about it.

Besides, those of us who are educated have to counterbalance all of the stupid breeders.

Post # 65
Member
893 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@maloussii:  I understand perfectly what you mean. Since I was a young little girl I knew I wanted babies. And as I get older it is not so black and white.

I still want kids but less than I did a few years ago. I understand people who definitly dont want them. I am not on of them yet…and I feel I would have huge regret later in life I dont have them.

My husband and I will be trying to concieve soon. However we have discussed if …it is not in Gods plan it wont happen and we would try to adopt but we wouldnt go with medical fertilty treatments and IVF. And if that didnt work out we would be perfectly happy being just the two of us.

If you dont want them dont have them.

Just find yourself a partner that doesnt want them either. And you are good to go.

Post # 66
Member
2453 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

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@mchitt329:  Thank you. 🙂

And now I’m realizing I did learn something in bio, ha.

Post # 67
Member
916 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@maloussii:  I don’t want kids and never have. My husband and I both live with a variety of mental illnesses and I would feel guilty of probably passing that down to a child. Some of it seems to be biological because his father has schizophrenia and his sister has autism. There also seems to be a history of depression in my family. Having a kid would bring up so many tough questions, like if we did have kids we would never want them alone with either of our moms because of how unstable and emotionally abusive they can be. Things would get complicated real fast. My husband and I also want to live for ourselves, which some people view as selfish.

If I did get pregnant, then I would have the child. I would try my best to raise it in a loving home.

Post # 68
Member
2249 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I would echo what most other PPs who want kids have said. I have a very real biological urge to reproduce, and so does my Fiance. We are intelligent people, and I personally feel like I am up to the challenge of raising a child right in a world that is so often wrong wrong wrong. I also want to give my parents the gift of grandkids (they have been waiting for years, it seems!).

We’ve discussed it, and two is our max. We don’t want to be outnumbered by our kids, and we want to replace ourselves without any “extras”.

As far as “ruining my body” goes, I hope to hell that my good genetics play a role here! My mom, at just over 50 years old and after having 4 kids, can still rock a bikini! Major kudos to her.

 

Post # 69
Member
130 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I always have wanted them, religious/ethnic obligations (there may be an “overpopulation problem” but it’s not like we Jews are in high supply), I feel like I’ll be a fantastic mother and my husband will be a great father, and we’re going to have the means to support them (we could reasonably support a child now, but I want to continue my education/buy a house and then we’ll consider it). I grew up always knowing that having a pretty large family was in my future and being excited for it (I love pregnancy, I love kids of all ages, I want to work in education with teenagers, etc).

I guess I don’t get the arguments that having kids ruins your life — my parents still had a beautiful house, fancy cars, and went on trips all the time (and eventually bought a condo in Hawaii when I was 16). They make only slightly more than what husband and I expect to make, so I genuinely believe we can have a fabulous life alongside our children.

 

Post # 70
Member
648 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

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@MrsNewDay:  Ugg, I know what you mean. At my office, all of a sudden everyone has become grandparents, some for the first time. Good for them and everything, but they didn’t do anything to become a grandparent, so it’s not really an “accomplishment.” Nonetheless, there are 7 co-workers who feel the need to constantly tell me about their grandkids (and one lady with stories of her niece’s kids) and how “super cute” they are. You know, because no one in the history of civilization has ever had anything other than the world’s cutest child, and all people must constantly reaffirm how cute their child/grandchild etc is.

Last week, one co-worker told me he just become a grandfather. I told him congrats. Then he was like “Ohh, I haven’t shown you the picture yet. I’ll go get it.” I was like “Please don’t.” But he wouldn’t take no for an answer, even when I said “Yay, babies. This office clearly needs more.” Then he sprinted upstairs and came back down to my desk to show me the photo. Then another guy overheard and brought out his phone to show the first guy photos. Then a female co-worker overheard and brought photos of her grandchild to my desk. I was like “That’s it! No! No babies around my desk! No! Go over there and frolic with your baby photos!”

It’s bad enough that there are 8 (no lie) photos of the other receptionist’s kid plastered all over the desk we share!

I have an extremely low tolerance for kids, let alone people talking about said kids as if I care about it. Especially when they all know I don’t like or want kids:/ I always act extreeemely uninterested when they talk about their kids/grandkids. You’d think they’d get the message. Know your audience.

*End rant*

Post # 71
Member
2167 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

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@mrshunnybunches:  LOL!!! You sound like me and my Fiance…we were discussing kids around Xmas just after he gave me a pair of Oakley sunnies and he said,  “Ya I don’t think we are ready for kids yet sweety. Then we would have to buy Okaley’s for our baby instead of for us!!”

Post # 72
Member
8435 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

I’m never having kids because I’m ridiculously selfish.  I like sleeping in, spending my money on me, and having the freedom/time to do the things I want.  It takes a lot of self sacrifice to be a parent, and I’m not willing to do that.

Post # 73
Member
9129 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

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@maloussii:  Inferno.  It just came out last week and it’s right on topic.  I just finished it last night.  Good read on the subject.  😉

Post # 74
Member
188 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

We’re probably not going to have kids. When we met we were both “uuh maybe, could take it or leave it”, but we have since changed out minds. This might or might not have coincided with watching our friends’ your puppies for a four days. While we had them, we talked about NOTHING else except if the puppies had had enough to eat/drink, enough time outside, were cold, warm, pooped already, pee already, if they are crying because they want attention or they need something… OOO MMM GGG!! And these are puppies, not human babies! After that, we are now pretty set in our decision to stay childless.

We are both scientists and have great jobs, and we are worried about more uneducated people reproducing than educated, but yeah. I guess we won’t be the ones giving up our lives as a countermeasure.

Interestingly enough, I was a full-time nanny for a year just for giggles between high school and university. I took care of a preemie, a 2-, and a 4-year old. The parents loved to have me as a nanny, because they knew I genuinely love these little ones. I wanted kids of my own, too. I know I wouldn’t have terminated if I had become pregnant unintentionally. However, now at the tail end of my 20s I do not want kids anymore. (Not sure if I would terminate though if it happened by accident.)

Anyhow, I feel like my/my FH’s situation is explainable biologically. When we were younger we were in our biological prime, the instict to reproduce is stronger. Once you move out of your youth, it gets less. Sounds logical, no?

PS: And I’m aware that modern society is forcing a shift in when people have kids etc etc., so I’m in no way implying that wanting kids after you’re 30/35+ is unnatural or not logical or whatever!

Post # 75
Member
6 posts
Newbee

@Maloussii: Some important facts are missing in your scientific analysis. It’s true that there might be more than 9 million people by 2050; BUT, scientists argue that not reproducing children today isn’t the wise decision to make. This will cause more serious problems. The biggest of those problems is that the earth is already facing a huge decline in fertility rates (especially in developed countries) and by 2050, the aging of the world population will be unprecendented in human history. (UN projections: The number of people over the age of 60 is expected to triple from an estimated 672 million in 2005 to a whopping 1.9 billion by 2050. There will also be a 4.5-fold increase in the number of people over the age of 80, from an estimated 86 million today to 394 million in 2050). 

So,if the majority of us in developed countries decide not to have children (or only have one), we’ll end leaving to the next generation a world in which taking care of old people will become the heaviest burden on all. Believe me, the projections that have been made for the US and other developed nations aren’t pretty at all.

This is the point that I’m trying to make: no matter what we do (having children or not), the world will be in a worse shape by 2050. If decision has to be made, let’s make them on the basis of our personal attitudes and feelings towards family life.

Post # 76
Member
10451 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2014

I have never been that girl who wants kids. I look at babies and see other girls gushing over them and I really don’t see the appeal. Kittens on the other hand…

I also don’t want to be pregnant, the thought of it freaks me right out. I want to keep my body to myself. And we have such freedom now – having kids would kill a lot of things we like to do. 

Kids are also messy, smelly, and turn into ungrateful sweaty teenagers. I couldn’t have that in my house. Especially a boy child! 

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