- 6 years ago
- Wedding: October 2014
I’m really really stuck and frustrated.
I’m engaged to an amazing guy who I’ve been with for almost 4 years now. Apart from when we just started dating, he’s always had a low sex drive and we’ve been through SO MUCH trying to work around this.
Last night being Valentine’s day – it kinda struck a cord again that we didn’t have sex :/ When I mentioned it, he said we had sex 2 days ago..
We vary between once a week to once every 2 sometimes 3 weeks which to me is really really very little. I’m 33 and he is 37.
He has been open to try different things to improve it, I’ve talked openly to him about how I feel – we’ve tried horny goat weed, been to a therapist, I’ve listened to and carried out his fantasies (got lingerie, danced infront of him, talked dirty (despite it making me feel like an idiot) etc. (sorry for too much info
I’ve also tried to get over it but the emotions build up and with it comes lack of self confidence, feelings of rejection. When that builds up – it has lead to various emotional breakouts – where he has called me a shitzophrene… because he can’t understand why I would be so happy the one moment and so emotionally wrecked the next.
To make it worse, he has another condition where he can’t kiss me for more than 3 seconds… 🙁 I kinda miss being snogged until the sun comes up. He suffers from a condition where the one side of his nose is blocked so he can’t get enough air when kissing and the operation is really costly (but no guarantee that he is all of a sudden going to like kissing for hours.
He also doesn’t like oral sex which is also okay I guess but with everything else I’m really being pushed to the limits here I feel.
Lately we only have sex when I start asking stuff like “ah are we skipping another week” and his answer is always “ah no honey, I have plans…” and then depending on how angry I feel – the quicker “The plans” come into being.
The therapist recommended that he excercise more which he has been doing but it doesn’t make a difference. The therapist also told me to look for something outside of my relationship that can keep my mind busy to think of it less.. which I did – started my own business but the busier we get, the more tired and disinterested he is in sex and me too so really it is causing us to have less sex.
I really really love this guy for so many reasons and these are the only problems we have in our otherwise perfect relationship. It is just affecting so much 🙁 I feel like I appreciate him less because in a way I guess it’s like he can’t take care of my needs but I’ve also just thought of myself as being selfish sometimes and then tried overlooking it again… just feeling so lost now.
Also, he has gone to see a doctor, and the doctor gave him pills to increase his testosterone levels. That didn’t work – the doctor told him to loose weight so we are both on light and easy meals to keep us in check but we still pig out every now and again.
Am I just fooling myself, or am I being a selfish person who doesn’t deserve such a nice guy – I don’t know anymore 🙁
I think he feels pretty traumatised with the whole thing too because he had an issue with going to the doctors, feeling that it was basically having to face that there was something wrong with him 🙁
Maybe the next step is for me to drink anti-libido pills.
It can be so hard to have to accept that a relationship and your marraige could not be what you had hoped for especially because I work really hard to get what I want out of life.
Any thoughts on the subject?
Starting to wonder what the point of a wedding is…