Post # 1
So I talked to SO one more time for a final attempt at a timeline talk and I kindasorta was given one by him. I suppose I could have pressed him a bit more to be precise. However I’m just plain exhausted bringing this up! I’m tired of talking about it, I actually hate talking about it, and I know he’s probably tired too. So I took my sorta timeline of anywhere from maybe 8 months to a year and decided to lay it to rest and SIU. And so far I am and I have. I really have. Which is why I’m here. SO let something else slip. He has the ring, and has had it almost a year.
I am so not understanding him at all. We’ve even talked about rings quite a bit as I wanted a gemstone e ring instead of diamond. I would get frustrated he said we could go ahead and look at stones and he’d choose a setting, yet when I would show him something he would be totally nonresponsive and it’d hurt my feelings. It’d feel like he wasn’t interest in getting engaged and contradicting what he’d said earlier. Now it all makes sense. He was disinterested because he already had a ring and a) didn’t want me to know and ruin the surprise as he’s very traditional in this aspect and thinks a woman should not know her ring beforehand and b) its an heirloom ring from his great grandmother which he is very sentimental about.
Now at first I was so happy to find out. I didn’t feel like I was crazy when he said almost as year ago he wanted to move forward, yet in the past 3/4 months he seemed almost to be back peddling and avoiding. After the happiness of feeling validated and not crazy sunk in though, I got so upset! He’s been sitting on this a year?! And he might sit on it possibly another year!? Gah!!!! This man I swear!
So that’s my flabbergasted vent. I’m not upset towards him, and I’m working out my feelings on this separately. I’m not even angry really just, well, shocked and flabbergasted!
Post # 3
@southsun: I am sorry! It seems so strange that he has had it for so long, but hasn’t done anything. I am happy you had your talk! At least you know now that he intends to propose and you have the amount of time you are willing to wait.
Post # 4
@southsun: Sorry he’s been sitting on your ring! I hope he gets moving on it soon!
Post # 5
Possessing the ring is normally a good sign and who knows, maybe now you know about the ring he’s trying to throw you off? Either way, a proposal is on its way! x
Post # 6
Maybe I’m just crazy, but at that point, I would have found the ring and put it on myself. My SO would have come home from work and I would have just pointed to my finger and said, “Oh, we’re engaged now. Plan accordingly.”
A YEAR!? My SO wouldn’t DARE!!!!
I am so sorry it’s been so long :/ Even though you are exhausted, try talking to him again, maybe? Ask him why he is waiting so long to propose. Is there any other reason you can think for why he is waiting so long?
Post # 7
Things change, love. He says a year now, but he might move things up. ( I swear men change their minds more than women.) Keep your head up!
Post # 8
Thanks for the encouragement everyone. 🙂
@birchwood29: LOL! Your comment almost made me snort my drink when I read it! I doubt I could find the sucker! I know him and there are many many many hiding places in his family it could be. No way its anywhere near our house. XD but should I happen to stumble upon it I’ll keep your plan in mind!
As for waiting? At first probably moving. Last year we were in the process of moving him back(were a ldr for a year and a half), buying and renovating a house. We have a few small reno projects left but everything major was finished last October. It took from March till then to shop, buy, contract, renovate and move. As for why he wants to wait longer? I’ve received a generic ‘Need to get things in order’ and ‘Not ready to deal with all the family pressure after we get engaged.’
Idk what things to get in order, we have no mortgage, he has a steady, flexible and well paying job, he has a relatively new car that’s paid off. At most maybe our big lack of furniture in our house? We sunk so much cash into the house that we’re a bit skimp on furniture even with our many family secondhand pieces. But we have all the basics and aren’t in ‘need’ of anything, house is just a little empty in some rooms.
And the family comment, I have no idea what that means. His family loves me. The best I can guess is that his sister got recently engaged and she is going totally nuts over ever minor detail and in turn is driving his mom crazy. Which he already knows I want a longer engagement and maybe even elope/destination because I don’t like big parties or being in the limelight like his a sis but who knows…
Post # 9
@southsun: Sorry to hear about your frustrations. I would probably react the same way as you, but then I tried to see it from his perspective. The situation is a little different with him sitting on the ring for a year because it’s an heirloom ring – he didn’t go out and buy the ring. Perhaps he got a hold of the ring before he was ready to propose and make that kind of commitment? Or he has stage fright, or he has been planning for a very specific day/event to propose. There are so many possible explanations for it. At least this new piece of information has helped you understand previous miscommunications and why he is acting differently.