(Closed) Having my wedding atfer 5 years

posted 6 years ago in Reception
Post # 31
2598 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Hyperventilate:  You are incorrect. A wedding is the act of two people getting married. Poufy dresses and parties have nothing to do with it.  When you get married – be it in a cathedral with dress, flowers and blow out reception afterwards, or at the courthouse in jeans followed by going home and watching Netflicks – that’s your wedding. 

Heres the thing – if a couple wants a do-over, fine but it simply is not a wedding when you are already married. 

Here’s the other thing – sure, you can do whatever you want if it makes you happy but it’s a little much to expect your family and friends to play pretend with you. When you are already married, living together and are an established household for  several years, it’s a bit much to ask everyone to play along and act and react the same way they would to a couple actually getting married and starting their lives together. 

I’m not saying people won’t want to come or be happy to celebrate with you but don’t presume upon them too much unless you want a lot of eye-rolling going on.  Keep it simple, low key and call it what it is –  a vow renewal – and don’t pull any funny stuff like trying to have showers, bachelorettes or registering.

Post # 32
479 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Taintedbeauty:  Its a good thing you didn’t mind negative thoughts since there are some strong opinons on this thread. I really wouldn’t care as a guest. However we like to celebrate over here (from the Bahamas) and even if we normally call it a vow renewal its throw almost as big as a wedding. MY cousin’s 20th anniversary is coming up and she is having a big blow out and honestly other then my wedding my family is totally excited for it. Most churches would call it a vow renewal I believe but there shouldn’t be a problem. I’m kinda having the best of both worlds I feel my wedding will be outdoor like Fiance & I always dreamed but it will be a religious ceremony and a minister from our church will be marrying us. Do what makes you happy if the terms are going to throw people off then word it as a renewal but get the dress you want, the ceremony you want and reception you want. Some people (the famous with to much money on their hands) have a “wedding” every year so I really don’t see the harm in you getting the wedding you truly wanted but didn’t get to have 5 years ago regardless the reason.

Post # 33
287 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Wow! I am disgusted at the judgemental, rude nonsense in this thread! OP if you and your fiancée earned the money then you are absolutely entitled to spend it in whatever your hearts desire! people aren’t able to do the big wedding initially for many reasons, finances etc. if you regret not having the wedding you dreamed of then have your day! Never live life with regrets. I would be so sad if my husband and I hadn’t had our day to celebrate with loved ones, no beautiful photos to share with our children. 

  I would sit down with hubby and discuss budget and then meet with your pastor to discuss your options. I’m confident they will understand your longing to have your wedding in the house of God , by clergy as opposed to a judge. A reception in the church is a great way to cut costs. You will most likely not be able to serve alcohol.

  If you were my family or friend I would be overjoyed to attend your wedding. Any celebration of love, marriage and commitment is welcome to me. I hope you do not have any family or friends as rude as some of the women in this board. If you do, run. I would not want anything to do with those people.

Post # 34
9098 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Zhabeego:  Have you ever gone to google and typed “Define Wedding”? It’s a pretty handy tool and sure enough… “a marriage ceremony, esp. considered as including the associated celebrations.”

The key word there is “Including the associated celebrations.” It celebrates the marriage.

I get your point, but your vitrol can be pointed elsewhere, like the issues in the Ukraine where it will do some good. God forbid someone be happy in their relationship, correct? Not everyone in life has the luxury of having a wedding when they get married, and I suppose that means they shouldn’t have a wedding where they get to celebrate with friends and family.

As humans (and women) we need to support people doing good in one another’s life. Ripping apart another person for wanting something they never had the chance to have but you (Lucky lucky you!) did is really brutal and downright cruel. It makes you come off as elitest.

If someone invites you to a belated wedding, just don’t go, that way you don’t have to suffer through rolling your eyes at someone celebrating something so beautiful and wonderful.

And just to beat you to the punch…

Define marriage = “the formal union of a man and a woman, typically recognized by law, by which they become husband and wife.” Tell me where it says they have a wedding celebration in that definiton.

Your social definitions don’t mean anything. The brass tacks of the matter is that everyone can have a wedding. It doesn’t make you superior if you had one when most people can. Not everyone is as lucky.

I had a belated wedding. I had a wedding and it was fantastic. No one was toxic like you and told me it had to be a vow renewal, no one rolled their eyes. I had a bachelorette, I registered, my husband had a bachelor party, and it was one of the most fantastic days of my life.

I’m sorry that you are so jugmental and closed minded. You’re not somebody I would have wanted to have at my wedding.

Post # 35
46 posts

Taintedbeauty:  oh my gosh…

you go on and call it a wedding and tell people you’re gonna have it! DO NOT…DO NOT listen to all of the negativity. Get a big fancy dress, go all out, make your husband spend the night in a hotel the night before if you want to! Do whatever you want and wipe all these comments that tell you you can’t off your shoulder. 

Post # 36
46 posts

Hyperventilate:  +1 

my thoughts exactly! Bees need to support one another and not tear them down just because their identities are hidden. 

Post # 37
451 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Zhabeego:  “it’s a little much to expect your family and friends to play pretend with you.”

That’s exactly what it is. If you want to throw a big party, go for it! You don’t need a reason to have a party.

But if a friend of mine who had already been married for five years decided to have a “wedding” with a ceremony, bridesmaids, registries, showers, bachelorette parties, etc…I would think she had lost her marbles. I would probably find an excuse not to attend because, as Zhabeego pointed out, I would find it incredibly awkward and uncomfortable to have to play along with the bizarre charade.

Obviously the etiquette police aren’t going to track you down and arrest you for having a fake wedding, but be aware that your friends and family may not want to play along.

Post # 38
2598 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Hyperventilate:  wed·ding [wed-ing] Show IPA noun 1. the act or ceremony of marrying; marriage; nuptials. 2. the anniversary of a marriage, or its celebration: They invited guests to their silver wedding. 3. the act or an instance of blending or joining, especially opposite or contrasting elements: a perfect wedding of conservatism and liberalism. 4. Business Slang. a merger.

In other words, a wedding is when too people get married and has nothing at all to do with parties, decorations or guest lists.

Also, it’s “vitriol” and nothing I said was mean – merely my opinion which the OP asked for. 

It’s interesting that you feel you know my personal history. I was married previously – at a courthouse, just the two of us. Had that marriage lasted, that would have been our wedding. Did I wish for all the trappings? Yes. Did I regret doing it that way later? Yes. Even considered the do-over. However, to me it seemed foolish considering we’d been married several years by the time we could afford the kind of celebration we would have liked to have and frankly, I don’t think one can go back in time.

Regardless of what I felt I’m”deserved” or wanted, after already being married and living as and being recognized as a married couple, I, personally, would have felt ridiculous having an “engagement” party and bachelorette and would have felt it inappropriate and in very poor taste to have a shower or register.  

We make choices in life. If you choose to get married in a simple courthouse wedding and forgo all the trappings and parties, then that’s your choice. If you want to have a second ceremony and party with all the trappings down the road, have at it – invite people to celebrate your renewing of your happy union. I just think it takes a big ball of chutzpah to ask everyone around you to pretend that you aren’t already married and demand they provide you the bridal experience, parties and gifts you voluntarily chose to forgo when you actually were a new bride. 



Post # 39
74 posts
Worker bee

WOW I CAN’T EXPLAIN HOW LUCKY I THINK YOU ARE 🙂 you already have a working marriage that you’re still excited to celebrate! if I were you I would go all out and have the best wedding ever! everyone attends their wedding not knowing what the actual marriage will be like. but you already know that you’re starting a fantastic succesful marriage! I would also call it a wedding not some other thing just so other people wouldn’t roll their eyes or whatever. who do are probably just jealous anyway and don’t deserve to attend your wedding in the first place. btw if you want people to pretend, then they should; because it’s your wedding day and you’re the bride 

Post # 40
176 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014 - Stan Mansion

Taintedbeauty:  We did the same thing. Hubby and I got married 5 yrs ago and immediately moved overseas. I never gave up the dream of having a big wedding, celebration, and dress. We focused on traveling and I focused on my masters degree. We mutually decided that when we moved back stateside we’d start planning the wedding. It’s in 19 days!!!! I decided on having the ceremony and reception at the same location for convenience purposes. I don’t think you’re weird for wanting to have the wedding 5 years later. It’s a dream you’ve always had and you should be able to make it a reality. Plus, I knew that I didn’t want to start trying to make babies until after we had our wedding. So congrats and good luck with whatever you decide.

Post # 41
831 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: Either Philadelphia City Hall or a small chapel.

MsIsopropyl:  Aha agreed. I had no idea those were even a thing until last year. 

Post # 42
1762 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Girl you go on and have that dream wedding!! Don’t listen to all this negativity….these haters arnt paying for your wedding so do you!

Post # 43
209 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Zhabeego: Most couples I know getting married these days have been living together and been an established household for quite some time and are in no way “starting their lives together.”  Would you not want to spend the money to attend an unmarried couple’s wedding because they happen to own a home together for the last 5 years?  Why would there be an expectation that you celebrate with the unmarried couple with an established household but punish the couple who has lived exactly the SAME way as the unmarried couple but had to get married at the courthouse for whatever reason 5 years ago?  Why is it ok for an unmarried couple with an established household to have an elaborate wedding, register for things, do the shower/bachelorette thing, but not for a married couple who didn’t have the chance to do this earlier for whatever reason?

It is now 2014 and the idea that a marriage means “starting their lives together” is a pretty dated notion.  So many couples own homes together, own pets together, and have kids together, all before getting married.  If you’re going to go by the “established household” rule, then you probably shouldn’t be spending money attending the weddings/showers/bachelorette parties of tons of unmarried couples as well.

Post # 44
11640 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

Good lord,it is as if some of you have never heard of the recession, the wars, and general life bs that keeps some people from being able to do things in tidy order. It is ironic that a few very privileged people are judging the non privileged and calling them ” entitled”. Entitled is thinking you are in charge of when another person can have a wedding. Seriously. 

I am the first to roll my eyes at pretty princess entitlement, but that is not what this is. There was a recession,  ffs. And many people were overseas fighting two wars. Get over yourselves. 

I hope OP had a or is having a gorgeous day full of love and a big white poofy dress. 

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