Post # 16
If you really feel this way don’t have bridesmaids at all. Asking your friends to dress a certain way, take photos and be there with you to support you on your wedding day is, by definition, a Bridesmaid or Best Man. There is no obligation at all for them to do any of the things you describe.
But assuming your friends think there is, you could accomplish the exact same thing by telling your friends that you do not want any showers or bachelorette parties. Go shopping solo and tell them after the fact. It’s not complicated.
If they are really just guests then it would be totally inappropriate for you to dictate what they wear. Also, please don’t offend everyone else by using a made up term like “honored guests.” Everyone should be your honored guest.
A bridesmaid by any other name is still a bridesmaid.
Post # 17
amireyn13 : I agree. 😕
Just wanna add I was coming from a positive spot when I wrote my idea.
Post # 18
Just call them bridesmaids. This whole thing seems like a strange non-issue to me. Calling them honoured guests is so insulting to your other guests.
Post # 19
I didn’t have bridesmaids, just a Maid/Matron of Honor (my sister). But my close girlfriends were just amazing. I didn’t ask them to be in any role for the wedding nor to wear a particular colour or style of dress. But they were amazing throughout our engagement from going with me to fittings and venting about florists and even got ready with me on the day!
I suggested a girls lunch at a favorite restaurant the week prior to the wedding and surprised them by paying the bill and just thanked them for being such great friends. An experience like treating them to a spa day or mani/pedis (not in preparation for your wedding) or a nice dinner/lunch could be very nice 🙂
Post # 20
I had what I called “non bridesmaids” however they were not actually asked to do anything at all, except come get ready with me if they wanted (I paid for their hair and makeup if they decided to join.) I got them all little gifts to show my appreciation for our friendship, not my appreciation for them being slaves at my wedding. I didn’t have any showers or parties or anything so they weren’t obligated to do anything. Oddly, they all showed up wearing various shades of navy so it looked like I had planned it when I actually did not! We took pictures together but not the typical wedding-day shots- more pics just hanging out after the ceremony and at the lunch we did after. I think they all had a good time and I felt good hosting them without asking them to do anything in return.
Post # 21
Erin Gustafson : Your non bridesmaids are doing everything that my bridesmaids are doing so I guess I don’t see the difference between the two. Just call them bridesmaids and let them decide amongst themselves if they want to throw any prewedding parties, or participate in them. The only requirements of a bridesmaid is to show up in the decided on dress and stand beside you.The fact that they’re doing just that and you’re calling them “non bridesmaids” makes me think that you were a little bit of a zilla for your first wedding.
Post # 22
amireyn13 : because it’s weird to create an issue because you can’t say the word bridesmaid. When you tell people in IRL I can see them saying ”so she’s a bridesmaid just with a different name 🤔”
Post # 23
meliboo : this is my vote. I attended a wedding and my friend who told me come with her to the salon in the morning. I got my hair and makeup done and got beautiful flowers and took lots of pix with her and the groom. She didn’t have bridesmaids which was a huge relief but I was a guest of honor.
Post # 24
I think all of this is great, what you are asking and everything, since they are the types that go above and beyond I see why youve said that parties etc are not needed, but I just don’t understand why they can’t be called bridemaids?
I peronally would be more honored to be a “bridesmaid without duties” rather than a “non-bridemaid”? I really just don’t get why you would call them that?
About everything else.. that it totally fine and I am sure they are happy to be a part of everything you want them to be part of, and I am sure they will respect ypiur wishes about not going above and beyind this time around… 🙂
Post # 25
I can’t tell from the post what you plan to call them if you do put them in the program. If you put them in the program, then put them in as bridesmaids, not honored guests. How insulting to all the other guests attending otherwise. Are your grandparents going to be in the program as an honored guests? If not, are they not as worthy of an honor as your friends? What about people of honor on your fiance’s side? A mentor, favorite uncle that’s just like a dad, cousin who is just like a sibling? Everyone guest is an honored guest – that’t the whole point of distilling all of the people in whole entire world down to a scant 20, 50, 100, 150, 200, 250, 300 what have you that you know and love and want there to witness your vows.
Post # 26
Erin Gustafson : I think you should just do whatever you want since you decided already what you want to do with your friends or have them do for your wedding. Chances are, there will be many bees here who will tell you that your “non-bridesmaids are actually bridesmaids” instead of giving you the suggestions you are looking for ( how to make your non bridesmaids feel special). It’s likely this thread might go elsewhere.
Post # 27
What an odd question for people to be so snippy about?
I think it’s sweet that you’re going to have people who are important to you included in your wedding however you choose, whatever you call them. And very considerate to relieve them of the expected (though not technically required) duties of a bridesmaid since they’ve done it for you before. I’ll assume you know all these girls well enough that they get your sense of humor and the intention behind calling them non-bridesmaids.
In terms of making them feel special, I think you already have. If you want their hair and makeup done, foot the bill. Write them a note explaining how their friendship and support have been meaningful to you.
Post # 28
Thank you all that understand what I was asking and offered suggestions. Definitely think might do a lunch or something along those lines.
I’ll put them in my programs as well, none of my other guests will be offended, they’re all well aware of the situation and that they were all my BM’s from my last wedding.
I appreciate all your input on the term non-bridesmaids, but that’s the furthest thing from the issue. None of them mind in the least. Every one of their weddings I was in, immediately after being asked would create a facebook group or get an group email going on to start arrange planning of our self imposed “duties”, and I know they do the same. Naming them what I did was just a easy & funny way to to clarify none of this is needed. It’s not the issue.
And this was not because I was a “zilla” last time lol. If anyone’s ever cancelled a wedding they can understand the amount of guilt I feel that they all already did so much for me and it was all for nothing. Just want to show them how much I appreciate them 🙂