Post # 1
Sorry If you don’t feel this is etiquette related the bridemaid board looks like its mostly about dresses!
Hi so I am recently engaged as of Friday! I am trying to make decisions on who I want in my wedding party! I have two brothers both the same age (one is a step brother both are my brothers) and in long term relationships. Well I want to ask one of my brothers gf to be one of my bridesmaids. I have gotten very close to her we talk daily and hang out just to two of us all of the time.
She will be a great bridesmaid and I would not think twice about it except the thing is I feel this would be rude because I have no intention of having the other girl in my wedding at all. I do not like her very much we have nothing in common and I honestly have never even had a one on one conversation with her (they have been dating over 3 years) she is constantly rude to me…..Oh and I’m sure my brother will marry her she is here to stay.
Should I ask the gf I am close with to be in my wedding or do you feel it would cause to many hurt feelings amongst the family (my mom thinks i need to ask them both)(not going to happen)…..?
The other issue the gf I would like to ask fights and is off and on with my brother…..mostly his fault .. It has been this way between them about 5 years and it has never affected our closeness or friendship either way! What should I do? If I do go through with it how do I go about it causeing the least damage possible…..
Post # 3
Why would anyone be offended that you invited your friend, but not someone you’ve never talked to? I would phrase it that way, vs Girlfriend vs Girlfriend which it is not.
I would consider though how you and your brother would feel if the Girlfriend and your brother broke up before the wedding. They would have to interact and be together for the entire wedding, and pre-festivities.
Post # 4
I had this problem too, except the girl I wanted to ask was FI’s brother’s Girlfriend and the other two were wives. I decided that didn’t want to hurt any feelings, so I decided to make said Girlfriend a reader instead of a bridesmaid. I figured that reader is an honored position, but not enough so to where the others would be jealous.
In your situation, I would do what your heart tells you to do. I’m guessing that your wedding date isn’t correct since you just got engaged, so you don’t need to feel rushed in this decision. Take some time and weigh the pros and cons. Take into account both of your brothers’ feelings. They are family, so they are the ones that are most important and who’s opinions you should value a bit more. Don’t make your mom pressure you to add someone that you don’t want. That will just cause more drama down the road.
And honestly, if your relationship is like you describe, the girl you don’t ask really shouldn’t be offended. There is no real relationship there without your brother, so no pressure for you to add her to your wedding party.
Post # 5
@andielovesj: yes I have thought of that …. They have been dating 5 years off and on and have all the same friends so even when they are broken up they are still around eachother alot (maybe why they always get back together) so I dont think they would be botherd but if a breakup were to occur I would let her know it would not hurt my feelings if she was not up to the task anymore…. As for my brother I know him very well and honestly he would not care! But before I asked her I would ask him. I feel its gf vs gf because I feel it may really hurt feelings my other brothers gf spends all holidays with us and is a round alot….. I think it could hurt my brothers feeling. Its just the only time she bothers to talk to me is when telling me what to do or making a snarky comment….I am alway nice to her despite this because I was raised with manners….I also know she is not going anywhere even tho I dread the day she becomes part of my family……
Post # 6
@MarriedtoMedSchool: thanks you can also see above reply! And you wouldnt think she would have hard feelings but she prob would cause drama over it lol ( i think even my mom would put a stop to that drama tho). It is my day and I just couldnt imagin to have to take pictures with her or look at her in my wedding video my entire life ehhhh. I think my mom really wants her to be in it because both brothers will be but you know I just think that is so dumb…. I have to suffer through all of this time with her to make my brother happy. The only people I want up with me are people who lift me up and make me feel supported! I think you had a good Idea for you with the reading Idea but for me i really feel like my brothers SO is one of my closest friends. I think I am going to make her a Bridesmaid or Best Man and just write a nice letter to the other girl about how I hope she will attend all wedding functions and I look forward to seeing her just to be polite…….
Also my date was off by a year I am hoping for next july 4th weeked!
Ps I hope I dont sound like a mean bridzilla alrady (i am typically fairly easy going)
Post # 7
i wouldn’t want to do this b/c what if they break up later and she’s in all your wedding pics. anyhow, idk if it would cause too much drama or not w/o knowing the people involved.
Post # 8
@Future_Mrs_C25978: I guess the other thing to consider, is do you think this girl will still be in YOUR life if they break up.
I personally, wouldn’t have a psedo family memeber like this in my wedding party. It would be too uncomfortable for me to have someone who has a turbulent relationship with my brother in my party. But you have to decide what’s right for you.
Post # 9
I have 3 sisters, one of them is married and one is engaged. My fiance has just recently asked my sister’s husband (my BIL and his soon to be BIL) to be a groomsmen, but not my other sister’s fiance. We spend time with my BIL and see him often. We don’t hang out with my other sister’s fiance much, she comes around all the time, but without him…he always has some reason he isn’t attending family things (we are a close family and hang out all the time). My fiance and her fiance barely speak and certainly arent friends, so I wasn’t going to make him ask someone he barely knows to be in our wedding. I really don’t have much of a relationship with her fiance either. We want to look back at our photos and smile at all the people in them who were by our side. My BIL isn’t going anywhere, whereas her fiance, not so sure they will end up getting married to be honest….
You just gotta hope that people understand…and if you don’t have a relationship with this girl, she shouldn’t be upset and probably won’t be (unless she likes drama as metioned, but if she does, then don’t worry about her dramatic butt). If this does make her upset at all, hopefully it will just make her realize that you guys need to build a better closer relationship like you have with the other girl. I am hoping the same for my situation as well, I know her fiance isn’t going to care at all, I am more worried about her feeling bummed, this just happened, so I don’t know if she even knows yet. plan to bring it up this weekend.
I personally would never be upset over someone’s choice of bridal party..it’s that person’s wedding and they should have who they want, I always feel bad when I hear people ask people only because they have to, shouldn’t be that way. I certainly would never want to be asked to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man by someone who really didn’t want me to be one! Bridesmaid or Best Man are the closest people to you, period.
Post # 12
She’s your friend, ask her. If all your brothers were married and you only picked one sister in law, I can see why some people would be busted up….but they’re not. So it’s cool.
I am close friends with my fiance’s cousin, and even when we split up for a year we were still close friends. If I were having bridesmaids I would ask her becuase she’s my friend, not because she’s his cousin. So I think if you’re making the decision for that reason, then you go girl. If not, then you might want to reconsider.
Post # 14
wow, sorry, my computer froze and apparently posted mine three times! Sorry bees! Can’t figure out how to delete?
Post # 15
I would be sure to think about what you’d want to happen if they broke up. It sounds like the Girlfriend you’re closer to, you would try to stay friends with, and the other one, probably not. I was debating whether to ask my brother’s long term (4+ years) Girlfriend to be in my wedding, and ultimately decided no, because while I like her, we’re not super closer. Well, they just broke up. I am so glad she wasn’t going to be in the wedding because that would be super awkward! I don’t think we’ll stay in touch now that they are not together.
Just something to consider.
Post # 16
@blushpink10: Great insight! I think the key is I am close friends with the girl! Its a shame that I am not closer with the other girlfriend (althoug shes not going anywhere)She did not even congradulate my Fi and I on our engament!!!!!I have seen her since.It made me sure that there is no way she will be in my wedding!
@weddingnerd: Exactly I am actual friends with her we still talk and hang out even when my brother and her are not together! I dont feel I would ever regret not having her in the wedding!
@Almost Mrs.P: ts a shame that I am not closer with the other girlfriend (althoug shes not going anywhere) and I am closer to the one who brob will never get to be my SIL….But I know I would always maintain a relationship with her. If the other girl was gone I would just do a happy dance! lol