(Closed) Having second thoughts…

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
13017 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

You seem unhappy, and whether that stems from insecurity or not is something only you can tell.  I do think that something is off, and you two should have an open conversation about it, or maybe see a counselor to discuss things with an indepenent mediator. 

Post # 4
Member
1475 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@Cbeyelia

Im sorry your going through this right now.  It sounds to me like your feelings are a result of several emotions you have been feeling like the insecurity thing about your financial contributions and maybe even some resentment about that or the sacrifices you have made to stand by him through a messy divorce…

I think you should take some time to sort through your feelings step away from them and see if this guy and this relationship has “value” to you without being colored by your feelings and emotions as they are right now.  Does he meet your needs? Is he “THE” guy for you that you are in love with and want to be with for the rest of your life?

You guys also need to have a talk about things he says that hurts your feelings.  You said he doesnt know that those things hurt your feelings!  Does he know that you are only doing all those things to make up for the lack of financial contributions? He probably doesnt know any of this because men are not mind readers.

I think you need to do some soul searching about if this guy and this relationship can really make you happy.  Were you guys ever happy together? And if this is really where you want to be (with him/in this relationship) then you guys need to have a conversation about how to start treating each other better and what needs to be done so that the relationship works for both of you.

Just my $0.02…

Post # 5
Member
9690 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@MissThespian:  Relationships take work and time spent together.  They don’t just “happen.”  It sounds as though the two of you are drifting apart due to your circumstances.

I understand he’s working a lot and you’re a student.  But you need to put your relationship as a priority in your life (both of you) if you want to keep it.

Think of it as a child.  You can’t neglect a child and expect it to thrive and grow and feel loved.  Your relationship needs certain things:

Intimacy

Communication

Sharing of mutual interests for the purpose of bonding

If you can make a few changes and make each other the number one priority in your lives, your relationship will be better off for it.  Schedule time for each other.  Once you begin bonding in a loving, caring, sweet and intimate way all the other little annoying things will subside into the background.  Your relationship is suffering from neglect right now, you need to take steps to revive it.

That’s my diagnosis, lol. 

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