(Closed) UPDATE: How do I dismiss our officiant?

posted 5 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 3
7437 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

I’d go with someone else.

Post # 5
12247 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

Oof. She sounds a little like a nightmare!

Post # 6
437 posts
Helper bee

@LadyMoriarty:  I’d go with someone else. This lady is going to be part of one of the most intimate moments of your life. Keep looking, I met so many celebrants I couldnt stand (I’m very young so alot of them tried to “mother” me) and now we have one who is so brilliant. We’ve met with him 4 times as he is writing our vows with us and he is someone we both genuinely like as a person.

Post # 8
12247 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

@LadyMoriarty:  Don’t send back the paperwork and don’t e-mail her. If she bothers to e-mail you (and she probably won’t), you can just say you’ve gone in another direction!

Post # 9
437 posts
Helper bee

@LadyMoriarty:  TBH I would tell her why, as someone who is starting out it’s good to have feedback so she can improve herself, just make sure to put positives in there as well (the fact that you went with her cause she seemed friendly).

Maybe say that you want someone with a bit more experience that will be able to meet with you face to face and you can build a relationship with?

Post # 10
9954 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Etiquette Snob here… lol


“I am sorry to inform you that our situation has changed, and we will no longer be requiring your services”

Short sweet & simple… no details required.


If she writes back, ignore her.

Your Officiant is probably your most important Vendor all day… you need to be comfy.  Clearly you aren’t so you don’t have to apologize further for moving on.

Good luck in your search for a new one.

Hope this helps,

PS… You need to use GOOGLE to find info about Officiants.  Mr TTR & I Eloped to a Destination Wedding… we used the Internet to search out possibilities… and also to read Reviews (on their own Websites – Yelp – Angie’s List – TripAdvisor etc)


Post # 11
2297 posts
Buzzing bee

@This Time Round:  I agree. A short and simple, but clear, message such as this should get the job done just fine. 

Don’t leave her hanging like some people have suggested, OP. It’s rude and it isn’t necessary. Do something like what This Time Around suggested; end it the right way. 


You’re not “ripping this apart”, you’re telling the truth, so don’t feel bad or keep her as your officiant just to be nice. What you described is not satisfactory and does not bode well for the day of the wedding. She may be just fine during the actual ceremony, but I don’t think you should take that chance. There’s no reason to give her the benefit of the doubt when other more competent officiants are out there.


Post # 14
417 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I agree, you should absolutely go with someone else.  You only gave her a $50 deposit so you could easily cut your losses there and just not respond to anything she may send you.  Or you cut email her and politely explain that you and your fiance have decided to go a different way.  You are the one paying for her services, you don’t have to explain why you have decided not to use her.  If you’d like to just explain that after giving it a lot of thought you’ve decided that you’d rather go with someone who has more experience.  Or say that you’ve found someone you both feel connects with you as a couple better than she does.

Post # 15
11271 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@LadyMoriarty: i agree with pp.  let her know just short and sweet.  not too much detail.

fyi, i found our officiant from a google search in my city.  there were so many to choose from.  i read over all of their sites including services and testimonials.  i emailed a few of them to discuss availability and fees.  i then set up a phone interview to make sure that they had a good, professional sounding voice for the service.  i didn’t meet him until the day of the wedding as i was planning the wedding while out of the country.  he was wonderful.  i was so pleased.

Post # 16
661 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Let her go!

I dealt with this (with my makeup artist). She was completely non responsive and so difficult to deal with. She would NOT get back to me about a trial or about how the schedule would look the day of the wedding. All I needed to know what how long each girls makeup would take so they could schedule their hair appointment.

When I called to let her go (I had to leave a message) she called back instantely with a sob story about why should hadn’t gotten back to me for over a month previously (after I had tried to call/e-mail her several times). She said she was in the hospital so I said okay, how about we book a trial then now that I have you on the phone? She asked when would work for me and I said the morning of my bridal shower? (That way my makeup would be done nicely for the day) and she was like “Well…. I may be going to Vegas with the girls then..” So I asked her to call me back once she knew if she would be in Vegas or not. Then I called her again she she never got back to me for weeks and she still did not answer. I finally left her a message letting her go AGAIN and then she called back instantly and apparently had been in the hospital again. Undecided


Anyways, when you let her go… let her go for good. She might try to weasel her way into staying somehow like my woman did. Then I just had to let her go AGAIN which was kinda strange.  

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