(Closed) Having sexual thoughts/dreams with another person (that’s not your SO) CHEATING?

posted 8 years ago in Intimacy
  • poll: Having sexual thoughts about another person other than your SO..Cheating?
    Yes, totally cheating! : (2 votes)
    4 %
    Nope, not at all. : (39 votes)
    75 %
    It depends... : (11 votes)
    21 %
  • Post # 3
    3125 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2009

    Though I know you can cause yourself to have more dreams by eating right before bed or watching something thought provoking, I’m not sure you can actually control WHAT you dream about. So worry about controlling your impulses when you’re awake and you’ll be just fine 🙂 And enjoy any dreams that may creep up, haha.

    Post # 5
    92 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    I agree with you OP, on the THOUGHTS part, but the dreams part? You can not control them and besides, dreams are a manifestaton of other thoughts/ideas that don’t mean the literal meaning you think they do. But I do agree with the first part.

    That’s why I hate porn…..


    Post # 6
    165 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: February 2010

    LOL. I’m sure this will be a very thought-provoking thread.

    In my opinion, dreaming or thinking about someone other than your SO is no more “cheating” than dreaming you are walking around naked is being “an exhibitionist.” Dreams are manifestations of your imagination. You can’t choose your dreams.

    Now, if you’re thinking about someone other than your SO regularly, and fantasizing, and wishing you could be with them, and it is affecting your “real life relationship”, that’s a whole new can of worms.

    Post # 7
    5148 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I don’t see it as cheating. I have all sorts of weird dreams, occasionally sexual ones, sometimes the person isn’t my fiance. Sometimes I’m not even myself, my dream is like I’m in someone else’s body and seeing everything from their perspective. One of my friends said when she was pregnant she dreamed of sex with ex-boyfriends all the time. You can’t really control what you dream, I don’t worry about it myself.

    Post # 8
    543 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2010

    well said @Miss Bubbles

    Post # 9
    11325 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2011

    I agree with PP on dreams. You can’t control what you dream about! (can you? if you can let me know bc i’d like to do some cool stuff in my dreams haha). 


    re: thoughts… eh I don’t think its “cheating” but its at very least distasteful. More so if you actually know the person… less so maybe if it is someone at a distance (celebrity or something). 

    Post # 10
    5263 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2012

    @CorgiTales: you can! But it takes a lot of hard work. It’s called lucid dreaming, and basically you train yourself to know your sleep cycles and assess whether or not you’re awake. 

    To the OP: I wouldn’t consider it cheating at all. First of all, your dreams are (to put it simply) a mash up of your thoughts and what your brain has processed (so unconscious as well). So even having sex or sexy thoughts with/about your husband on a day when you watch a movie with your favorite male actor could result in a sex dream about the actor. 

    If every marriage treated sex dreams as cheating, divorce lawyers would make an absolute killing! 

    Post # 11
    6 posts
    • Wedding: July 2010

    @lilyfaith:I agree.

    I’ve actually steered my dreams a bit if you can imagine that! I was having a sex dream with one of my ex-boyfriends. I totally stopped myself from going any further. Luckily, I woke up after.

    Post # 12
    208 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    As far as I’m concerned, Miss Bubbles hit the nail on the head. You can’t control your dreams, so that’s an automatic pass. The occasional fantasy is perfectly normal and reasonable, too. Obsessing about someone else is quite another story.

    Post # 13
    2344 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    Dreams can’t be cheating, and I actually think it can be healthy. Your dreams work out stuff that’s going on unconsciously. That doesn’t mean that unconsciously you want to be with an ex! But if you just let your dreams be your dreams and don’t try to suppress them, I think it will honestly keep you from having those kinds of thoughts in your DAYdreams!

    Post # 14
    293 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    I used to have quite vivid dreams about having sex with an ex… we would sneak away, and then he would say, “We can’t tell Fiance.”  Then I would wake up in FI’s arms, inches from his face.  That was awkward, but I wouldn’t call it cheating!  Now, if I were daydreaming about ex sex… that’s a little different, because I’m choosing to do it.  I’m still not sure I would call it cheating, but definitely closer.

    Post # 15
    4803 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I don’t believe so – actually I really hope not, because my “sexy dream” last night involved Justin Bieber.  I do not actually like Justin Bieber in any kind of sexual way in real life and was quite appalled when I woke up. 

    Post # 16
    3255 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    Would it make me feel good to think that my fiance was having a dream about getting it on with someone else? No. However, I would not consider him to be a cheater if I found out he had done so. I don’t really think we have much control over the dreams we have when we are asleep. 

    I think there’s certainly a difference between committing a sexual act with a person other than your SO versus dreaming about it. 

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