Having sex with neighbors.

posted 2 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 2
Member
284 posts
Helper bee

I’m with your Fiance… people have sex (including your neighbors!) and they should have the right to do it when they want within reason. It sounds like you’ve gone out of your way to be courteous of the neighbors schedules. I’d be done with it and keep being intimate with Fiance whenever it is convenient for you two. 

Just a thought… is it possible they are hearing something else and banging on the wall? The reason I ask is when our upstairs neighbors water is running it sounds EXACTLY like a bed creaking from doing the deed. For the first few months we lived there, I was shocked at how often they were having “sex” because they’re in their mid-70s and it was happening 1-3 times per day! Eventually we figured out it was the water 🤣 But just a thought! Maybe there’s some pipes or something in the wall thats making noise. 

Post # 3
Member
399 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

I say be louder. You have tried being courteous, now they are just being dicks about it. So be a dick right back.

Post # 4
Hostess
8670 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: Dorset, UK

I would be fucking up against that wall if it were me but hey, I am a spiteful bitch! lol

Post # 5
Member
146 posts
Blushing bee

I feel for both you and your neighbours. 

No,  you shouldn’t have to forego sex for the rest of your marriage; that obviously isn’t a reasonable option. But there also isn’t ever a time when it is convenient for other people to have to hear you have sex. I doubt that’s a time of day thing, I think that’s a discomfort thing. This isn’t music or conversation that is being heard, it’s a pretty intimate act that they, understandably, don’t want to be a part of. 

You mention child(ren) in the adjoining home. Are you certain who is on the other side of the wall?

Assuming you really are being reasonable in terms of volume, can you perhaps do some more significant furniture re-arranging? Can you move into a different bedroom? I think I’d really explore those options as a first step.

Post # 7
Member
1551 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

Can you move the bed further away from that wall? Like to an opposite wall?

 

outside of that, as long as you aren’t being ridiculous, what you’re doing is normal. Your fiancé probably has the right attitude. I do remember in college, you could hear through the walls between units. In the second apartment I lived in in that building I could hear clearly enough to hear what music the girl next door was listening too. I also was privy to an exciting moment when she got an internship lol. But I remember the first apartment, and I could hear the guy having sex. I was going through a really tough time in my personal life (my ex was an ass) and it made me cry. It never ever would have occurred to me to bang on the wall though and ruin his time. From your description, I can’t inagine you are hearing things as clearly as I was. It’s really easy to sleep through the level of noise you’re describing. 

Post # 8
Member
735 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

Is it possible to rearrange your room so your bed is on the opposite wall? I can totally see why it would be off-putting, the worry of hearing a neighbour knock on the wall isn’t the most romantic thought! Are there other places in your house you’d want to have sex? Our living room isnt connected to the neighbours so the sofa can be a fun place to mix things up a bit.

You do have to live beside them, and while they’re not doing great at being non-confrontational, personally I’d do my best to keep the peace (even with them in the wrong), rather than confront them. My sil has fallen out with multiple neighbours as she escalates everything, and is now desperate to move again, I just couldn’t live like that!

Post # 10
Member
3049 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

Eh, I wouldn’t care or change anything if you don’t want to. I’m with your partner’s point of view on it.

You could try playing some music to make their knocking less noticeable and not interrupt your “vibe”. Might be a win win as well to muffle anything they might be hearing.

But overall, don’t stress it. If they have a complaint then file yours for all the noise they make. 

Post # 11
Member
3720 posts
Sugar bee

Honestly the fact that they have the nerve to bang on the wall while you’re having sex (that’s ballsy) tells me they have zero respect themselves and I would carry on carrying on. That’s just incredibly rude, and it sounds like you all have been more than thoughtful about it. It some music on next time so you don’t hear their banging and have fun 😉

Post # 12
Member
1350 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Leave everything as is. It’s part of apartment living. 

A few weeks ago, we heard my next door neighbor having sex at 6am on a sunday morning and the only reason I remeber this time so vididvly is we were just wondering if they woke up that early or just came home, I’m sure she hears us having sex. It’s not something we ever need to discuss or worry about. 

Post # 13
Member
2019 posts
Buzzing bee

Is it possible it’s their son who is doing the banging and thinks he’s being funny? My guess would be normally there is noise in their house at night, so they never really heard you before. Maybe at 7AM their house was quiet, which made it possible for them to hear you. 

Banging on the wall during sex non stop sounds childish, like something a 14 year old boy would think is HILARIOUS. When I lived in apartments or condos where you had attached walls, I never paid attention to what my neighbors were doing unless it was basically from midnight-6AM. When you live that close to someone else, naturally you will just hear what they are doing sometimes. I feel like most adults are pretty chill about it. 

Post # 14
Member
589 posts
Busy bee

This happened to me and Fiance once recently. I was so embarrassed. 

The walls in my flat are so thin. We have people above us, below us, to the left and the right. During the day I work at home, when the TV is off I can hear conversations going on, I can hear a mum singing to her baby (literally word for word) and when a child/baby cries  

My Fiance made a point of saying ‘funny how if these walls are so thin we never hear the neighbours who banged on the wall having sex’.

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