Post # 1
Not as in- having sex WITH the neighbors, but having sex while also having neighbors.
We live in tow homes and the walls are decent- we usually only ever hear our neighbors when they close/slam doors. We hardly ever hear voices (sometimes when their child screams or something, but even then it’s very muffled and you would have to listen for it). Sometimes if it is completely silent on our end you can tell someone is having a conversation but can’t make out what they are saying. I think unfortunately this is mostly true of our bedroom wall, which we share with our neighbors bedroom.
FH and I have sex maybe 3-4 times a week. I am usually conscious of times and try to make sure things are wrapped up before 11pm. (I don’t think he is as aware nor does he care). We also have adjusted our volume levels since we moved so I know we don’t have like screaming sex or anything.
FH was going away for a 3 day school trip and we happened to be awake early and both decided to send him off properly ;). It was rather early I will admit (7am) but I know we were not being excessively loud. The neighbor banged on our wall though repeatedly, even after we stopped. 🙁 I felt bad but FH said that it was ridiculous.
Heres the thing- I sort of get that 7am is early, but ever since then the neighbors will bang on the wall WHENEVER we have sex. Even if it’s 9pm. We tried moving the bed a couple of inches from the wall, tried being quieter. I’m not sure we can schedule sex mid day as we both work opposite schedules, and I really don’t like the idea of “scheduling” sex anyways.
I do want to be courteous but this is also affecting my relationship- it’s very hard to even be in the mood when I’m worried they’re just going to be knocking. FH is ticked off by the whole thing and has a “fuck them” attitude, where I’m not really even sure what to do. I’d feel weird just going over there and saying “Hey when are we allowed to have sex?” I also don’t know if it would be appropriate to leave a note on the door. FH is worried that they will only want us to have sex during the day which is not always possible and would greatly diminish our sex life.
Not sure what to do bees. I mean I can totally see if we were having excessively loud sex every single night at like 1am, but that definitely isn’t the case (we both wake up early and like to be asleep by 10-11.) this is FHs main argument for just not giving a shit what they think/want. They also can be quite loud- not sex wise but I think they’re son is in a band and you can definitely hear the instruments playing until 11pm, and there has been on several occasions where they have left some sort of vibrator/massager on against the wall all night which is very loud in our room as its banging against the wall. I’m not complaining because all we need to do is turn a fan on and we can’t hear it anymore- but I’m just saying it’s not like we always make noise and they never do. I really don’t want to be “that neighbor”, but I don’t think I should have to give up sex either.
Post # 2
I’m with your Fiance… people have sex (including your neighbors!) and they should have the right to do it when they want within reason. It sounds like you’ve gone out of your way to be courteous of the neighbors schedules. I’d be done with it and keep being intimate with Fiance whenever it is convenient for you two.
Just a thought… is it possible they are hearing something else and banging on the wall? The reason I ask is when our upstairs neighbors water is running it sounds EXACTLY like a bed creaking from doing the deed. For the first few months we lived there, I was shocked at how often they were having “sex” because they’re in their mid-70s and it was happening 1-3 times per day! Eventually we figured out it was the water 🤣 But just a thought! Maybe there’s some pipes or something in the wall thats making noise.
Post # 3
I say be louder. You have tried being courteous, now they are just being dicks about it. So be a dick right back.
Post # 4
I would be fucking up against that wall if it were me but hey, I am a spiteful bitch! lol
Post # 5
I feel for both you and your neighbours.
No, you shouldn’t have to forego sex for the rest of your marriage; that obviously isn’t a reasonable option. But there also isn’t ever a time when it is convenient for other people to have to hear you have sex. I doubt that’s a time of day thing, I think that’s a discomfort thing. This isn’t music or conversation that is being heard, it’s a pretty intimate act that they, understandably, don’t want to be a part of.
You mention child(ren) in the adjoining home. Are you certain who is on the other side of the wall?
Assuming you really are being reasonable in terms of volume, can you perhaps do some more significant furniture re-arranging? Can you move into a different bedroom? I think I’d really explore those options as a first step.
Post # 6
You guys sound just like my FH!
Are there times that would be unreasonable? I just keep thinking that this only started after we had sex at 7am that one morning so maybe it’s our fault for doing that?
i also know they have a small child so I’m not sure if they’re just trying to get us to stop at times because the child is there? I really don’t feel like they can hear like detailed sounds or anything, it’s not like we’re that loud- but you never know 🙁
Post # 7
Can you move the bed further away from that wall? Like to an opposite wall?
outside of that, as long as you aren’t being ridiculous, what you’re doing is normal. Your fiancé probably has the right attitude. I do remember in college, you could hear through the walls between units. In the second apartment I lived in in that building I could hear clearly enough to hear what music the girl next door was listening too. I also was privy to an exciting moment when she got an internship lol. But I remember the first apartment, and I could hear the guy having sex. I was going through a really tough time in my personal life (my ex was an ass) and it made me cry. It never ever would have occurred to me to bang on the wall though and ruin his time. From your description, I can’t inagine you are hearing things as clearly as I was. It’s really easy to sleep through the level of noise you’re describing.
Post # 8
Is it possible to rearrange your room so your bed is on the opposite wall? I can totally see why it would be off-putting, the worry of hearing a neighbour knock on the wall isn’t the most romantic thought! Are there other places in your house you’d want to have sex? Our living room isnt connected to the neighbours so the sofa can be a fun place to mix things up a bit.
You do have to live beside them, and while they’re not doing great at being non-confrontational, personally I’d do my best to keep the peace (even with them in the wrong), rather than confront them. My sil has fallen out with multiple neighbours as she escalates everything, and is now desperate to move again, I just couldn’t live like that!
Post # 9
meegwan : The bedroom is set up the only way it can be with our size bed due to where the closets/doors are. We do have a guest room but it is very small and we wouldn’t be able to fit our bed in there with the dressers. And their guest room would be in the same place.
Our living rooms also share a wall and we don’t have sex there (very infrequently at least).
I don’t know who is on the other side of the wall when we do it- I’m not sure there would ever be a way of knowing that.
Post # 10
Eh, I wouldn’t care or change anything if you don’t want to. I’m with your partner’s point of view on it.
You could try playing some music to make their knocking less noticeable and not interrupt your “vibe”. Might be a win win as well to muffle anything they might be hearing.
But overall, don’t stress it. If they have a complaint then file yours for all the noise they make.
Post # 11
Honestly the fact that they have the nerve to bang on the wall while you’re having sex (that’s ballsy) tells me they have zero respect themselves and I would carry on carrying on. That’s just incredibly rude, and it sounds like you all have been more than thoughtful about it. It some music on next time so you don’t hear their banging and have fun 😉
Post # 12
Leave everything as is. It’s part of apartment living.
A few weeks ago, we heard my next door neighbor having sex at 6am on a sunday morning and the only reason I remeber this time so vididvly is we were just wondering if they woke up that early or just came home, I’m sure she hears us having sex. It’s not something we ever need to discuss or worry about.
Post # 13
Is it possible it’s their son who is doing the banging and thinks he’s being funny? My guess would be normally there is noise in their house at night, so they never really heard you before. Maybe at 7AM their house was quiet, which made it possible for them to hear you.
Banging on the wall during sex non stop sounds childish, like something a 14 year old boy would think is HILARIOUS. When I lived in apartments or condos where you had attached walls, I never paid attention to what my neighbors were doing unless it was basically from midnight-6AM. When you live that close to someone else, naturally you will just hear what they are doing sometimes. I feel like most adults are pretty chill about it.
Post # 14
This happened to me and Fiance once recently. I was so embarrassed.
The walls in my flat are so thin. We have people above us, below us, to the left and the right. During the day I work at home, when the TV is off I can hear conversations going on, I can hear a mum singing to her baby (literally word for word) and when a child/baby cries
My Fiance made a point of saying ‘funny how if these walls are so thin we never hear the neighbours who banged on the wall having sex’.
Post # 15
asobos : I’m thinking how lovely this would be- haha.