Post # 1
So, my boyfriend and I have been long distance for 2.5 years. He recently moved to start school, so we went from being 4 hours apart to 2.5 (yay!). I’m having trouble adjusting to the change for a few reasons.
1) We disagreed on how often we would see each other (I wanted 3 weekends a month and he wanted 2; I ultimately agreed to 2). It’s hard to have him closer but not be able to see him as much as I’d like!
2) We talk less now that we did when we were further apart. This is due to the fact that he’s in school so he’s busy, trying to meet new people, etc. which I totally support of course! But, coupled with the fact that he gets unpredictable (and often shoddy) cell phone reception both in his house and at school, I find myself feeling disappointed and kind of abandoned since we don’t talk as much.
3) I find myself feeling a little insecure lately, which bothers me because I know he loves me and that we’ll get through it and be able to move in together and get married eventually. Like I said, I feel a little abandoned and worry about the possibility of him replacing me (totally irrational I know).
I told him all of this, and he said he had a feeling I was feeling this way, and that I have nothing to worry about. He has been a little better about talking more too. What do I do to make this easier? Any thoughts?
Post # 3
Oh sweets that’s tough. Do you have anything that can keep you busy when he is at school etc? Maybe when he is at home, could you communicate another way other than the phone? My husband and I IMed a lot when we were first long distance and FB chat now when he travels for work.
Post # 4
@MrsSaltWaterTaffy: Yeah, I work full time and have a part time job on the side so I am pretty busy. We do IM, usually at night. This is all just different than what I’m used to I guess. It’s not like he’s ignoring me or not making an effort… I just think my thoughts/worries are getting out of control in my head! That, and I’m also sooooo ready to be done with the distance! I’m applying to the same school he’s at for next year (they happen to have one of the best grad programs in my field)… I guess I’ll see what happens.
Post # 5
I’m sure you can do it! It’s hard to adjust your expectations but it happens with time. I used to freak out if I couldn’t talk to my husband because I was sure something bad happened but being out of contact with no option has sort of beat that out of me. I can’t be freaked out for weeks on end.
Post # 6
Can he ask his new friends at school what kind of cell phone service they have?
Perhaps a different provider would work better. Or he could get a landline so you could talk. or maybe skype/facetime (if you have wifi and apple products?)
Post # 7
@kerensa: Yeah, he’s been talking about getting a new phone/service. I should bring it up to him.
I forgot to mention something kinda important… I am applying to the same school that he’s at (different campus), so there’s a good possibility that I’ll be moving to the same state about 10 months from now! Our campuses would be about an hour and a half apart, and we could live together somewhere in the middle if we decided to. I guess I just need a reality check… I think my neurotic tendencies are getting the best of me!
Post # 8
I’ve done that distance before, and recently changed to a very long distance, so I know how it goes! I think transitions are always the hardest for dealing with the distance. He’s starting a new school, probably making new friends, and doesn’t have a steady routine yet. It should be easier once you have some time and visits under your belt, so that you can see he’s not replacing you and that he still wishes you were there. If he doesn’t have as much time to talk, or has bad service, could you set up skype dates? Or just times when you plan to call so he can be in a good reception area? If you could set up a plan you might feel more reassured.
I hope you get into the school near him, that would be so exciting to look forward to! And either way, this will get better once you guys get back into your groove. Hang in there!
Post # 9
- Wedding: May 2011 - A church in downtown Nashville
Coming from another person who has extreme experience with long distance (6 years) I totally feel you! Video chatting helps A TON. Maybe take a little time each night to video chat?
It also helps to feel connected if you guys can start emailing each other right before bed so the other person gets a message first thing in the morning. It really feels like you’re “together”, even if you don’t have a chance to talk as much as you’d like.
Post # 10
I know exactly how you feel hun! My Fiance and I have been doing long distance across the country for almost 4 years now. I am in WA and he’s in MD. It’s really hard no doubt about that. You just have to keep yourself busy with things. And try not to stress out about it too much. Video chat truly does help, a ton! I am always just soo happy after I can see his face 🙂 You’ll get through it, just keep reminding yourself that its only temporary. One day you two will be together all the time 🙂
Post # 11
Thanks so much for the replies! It’s really comforting to know that I’m not alone in this 🙂 I think the problem is that talking to him less reminds me of how I don’t have many friends here. Six months ago I left my hometown for a job in a state 4 hours away. It was the best decision for me with regard to my career, but it’s really taken a toll on me emotionally and socially. I’m the type of person who takes a long time to get comfortable in a place, and I’m on the shy side so socializing with people I don’t know is hard. I have plenty of acquaintances (and thankfully my family will be moving here soon in about a month), but I really don’t have anyone close to me that I can rely on. So, not having all-day conversations with my boyfriend anymore just leaves me with more free time than I can handle. Anyone else been through this? I’m trying to get out more and meet people, it’s hard because I work a 40-hour job and a part time job!
PS- I CAN’T wait to get back to school! lol