(Closed) having trouble dating a doctor

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
2981 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@doctorconfused:

Honestly, your SO is a DOCTOR. I seriously doubt that helping women avoid cancers and other health problems is turning him on. I’m around doctors all of the time and NONE of them gets a “rise” out of seeing a naked patient. There is a huge difference between women’s care in the medical field and enjoying the person he loves (you).

Post # 4
Member
1925 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I’m dating a medical student and he’s done pelvic and breast exams.  I hope to not offend, but I really am not bothered by it at all.  He’s a professional and examining bodies for medical reasons.  It’s completely separate from sex.  Just think of the doctors who do pelvic exams on you.  They act completely professionally.  Also, I know in California at least, and I would imagine nation-wide, if there is a male doctor performing a pelvic exam, another woman (nurse, medical assistant, or doctor) MUST be present during the exam.  In other words, I don’t think this should be something that should bother you.  I understand where you’re coming from.  But this is his career so I’d recommend seriously considering if it’s something you can handle before getting serious.

Post # 5
Member
5273 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

This is his career – so you have to either come to terms, or be honest with yourself & if you can’t handle it, you have no choice but to end the relationship.

Post # 6
Member
7293 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

I have a family member in womens medcine and he gets asked this type of question all the time. Honestly, he has seen thousands of vaginas and breasts, and they are completely meaningless to them. Its a serious job and the women are often terrified-there is really nothing sexy about it.

Also if iti makes you self concious about your own breasts/vagina-while I’m sure he knows alot about them, he wants just as much as you do to be able to separate job from real life 😉 Also, don’t be afraid to tell him how you feel. I’m sure he is thinking what you may be thinking !

Post # 7
Member
2786 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@Ms.GoodEarth: I agree! You need to decide if this is something you can be ok with or if it will always bug you, because it’s not going to change.

Assuming he is good at his job, then that’s all it is. Plus, let’s be honest: hopsital gowns and paper undies and the smell of a hospital waiting room don’t exactlly arouse me, or, I would imagine, your Boyfriend or Best Friend :p

Post # 9
Member
3520 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Some people are turned on by stuffed animals and masturbate with them. To 99.9% of us, they are just stuffed animals. Your SO is the 0.01% of men that can look at breasts and vaginas in a purely professional way. If he can’t, he has no business being an MD.

Post # 10
Member
1750 posts
Buzzing bee

@doctorconfused: Its just work and it is not sexy. I used to have to audit and count several $100,000 at work. Normal people get excited by the site of large amounts of cash. To me it was disgusting and a pain in the ass. When you see it everyday, its not exciting. Trust me he is not excited about seeing old deflated boobs at work. It is rare that he gets some young hot chick. Get over it.

Post # 11
Member
30 posts
Newbee

I am a doctor so I can probably give you some good perspective from your SO’s point of view. But I have two questions. First, what is it specifically that bothers you so much? Are you afraid that he will somehow be attracted to one of his patients? Or are you afraid that his patient will get turned on because a good looking guy is doing their exam? Or is it something else all together? Second, have you talked about it with him and what’s his response?

Post # 13
Member
258 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I’m not an MD, but I do know that when you work everyday on a body part like the pelvic area…it becomes just that, a body part.  Like working on an arm or the mouth.  Especially since when he’s examining, he generally can’t see the woman’s face (she’s lying down and her knees are up).  I doubt that your SO stills views them as “private parts” at all.  It’s the genitourinary tract and it consists of X Y and Z. 

I know it’s hard to understand how he views it, but you have to believe me (and him) when I say that it REALLY isn’t the same when it is your JOB to look at these things and you see like…20 a day. 

Here’s a slightly related, less sexual analogy:

I’m in optometry.  How would you feel if we were together and I told you that I spent 8 hours a day looking into other people’s eyes?  Making eye contact?  Touching their faces (a lot) and getting my own face REALLY close to my patients’ faces?  Obviously it’s not the same, but the point is that I can tell you that I view the eye WAY differently than I did before going into the profession and probably very differently from anyone outside the profession.  It’s almost like a separate unit, separate from a person.  When I see eyes, I see anatomy, neurology, muscles, constriction, symmetry.  I don’t see pretty green eyes or dark/handsome eyes anymore.  Of course I care for my patients, I don’t view them as objects, but I’ve learned to view the eye very objectively.  

I know that probably doesn’t really help, but you’ve got to try to understand where your SO comes from and become secure enough in yourself to trust that he tells you the truth when he says he doesn’t look at other women in a sexual way when he’s at work.  He loves you!  I’m sure of it. 

Post # 14
Member
2893 posts
Sugar bee

I don’t know if this would help you put it into a different perspective but :

Like everyone said, it’s just a job. Secondly, think about any woman you’ve seen on tv or in magazines, especially lingerie models and porn stars and forget about them. A huge portion of the population doesn’t have perfect porn star genitals. Think about gym locker rooms. Or maybe don’t. Normal lady parts aren’t mesmerizing, they don’t have magical powers, and they don’t come with lighting crews and photoshop. He’s a doctor. And at the end of the day, lady parts or man parts, they probably blur into one giant collection of everyone’s parts he’d prefer to never see again.

Genitals alone aren’t the equation for seduction and relationships. He loves your parts because they’re attached to you. 🙂

Post # 15
Member
258 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Also, on a less pleasant note, if he participates in obstetrics and delivers babies, I can ASSURE you that once you see a vagina give birth, you can NEVER look at it the same way again.  At that point, it is DEFINITELY not Victoria Secret Fashion Show and all sexual thoughts are probably out the window.  That’s at least 40% of the reason that he doesn’t look at genitalia the same way you do.  So…do with that what you will.  :p 

 

And ditto what claireos said.  You have something to offer that none of his patients can, YOU! 

Post # 16
Member
3522 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I’m sorry you feel that it “doesn’t seem right,” but your SO is helping women (and in some cases, saving lives). Try to look at that way instead of the fact that he sees tons of breasts and vaginas on a daily basis. 

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