Post # 1
I’ll try to keep this short. But before I get to the mini rant, I need to say that I am in no way doubting marrying my Fiance, he is great and I want to start a life with him HOWEVER, it seems like what should be a happy time has just been stress and fights (not with FI) and dissappointment, I want to know if anyone else is delating with the same issues (or has in the past) and how they overcame them.
So just for backstory: Fiance proposed two months ago, it was something we had talked about and decided we were ready for. I was ecstatic he proposed and friends and family were all really happy too. Problems started when Fiance family were told it wouldn’t be a church wedding, they threw a fit, said hurtful things, then backtracked and said we can do whatever (but didn’t apologize). So that is issue one, I’m having trouble putting those hurtful comments behind me.
Issue two is budget, Fiance and I are both new grads with not much money and lots of student debt, I want a small, affordable wedding, but we both have huge families and there would be major drama if we didn’t invite all of our cousins so basically we have o have a 200+ guest wedding, which I cannot see us being able to afford without piling on more debt. Anyone know how to have a fun wedding with that many guests without breaking the bank?
So what do I do? I just don’t feel excited about the whole planning proccess, if it was up to me we’d gather a few close friends and family in my backyard, get a JoP and have a BBQ.
Please Help Bees,
Post # 3
What is your budget?
Also, don’t feel pressured to host a 200+ wedding. It’s absolutely unreasonable for anyone to expect two recent graduates to finance that sort of shindig. Do not get yourselves into a huge hole so that other people can be satisfied.
I think you should do the JoP and a backyard BBQ. That sounds like a lot of fun and intimate, which I think are the best weddings.
Post # 4
- Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley
It seems like you’re having so much trouble enjoying the process becaues you’re letting everyone else dictate what kind of wedding YOU are having. Do what YOU want. Is it going to hurt someone’s feelings? Probably. But you know what? Who cares! It’s YOUR wedding, and YOU are paying, so do what YOU both want!
Trying to please everyone is going to make this the most stressful process ever.
In the beginning we cared about that whole “making everyone happy,” but quickly realized that was not happening. Tell them you are paying for this wedding, it is your wedding, you will invite who you want, it will be where you want, and it’s not up for discussion! Stand your ground!
Post # 5
Your idea of a small wedding sounds great! If your friends and family want a big party, they can throw one for you 🙂
Post # 6
Ok here’s some tough love. You need to put on your big girl panties and tell your families that they cannot have things their way if they aren’t going to pay for it. It sounds like you guys should elope and then just have a very casual party for these people. Invite them to a park and have a pot luck, if it’s not an official wedding you can get away with it being much more casual. You’re going to piss some people off, but you and your Fiance are a team now and you gotta do what you gotta do!
Post # 7
@zoso90: I felt this way too, after being engaged. My Fiance and I have to pay for our own wedding. I’m still in school, so we live off of his income… so money is tight.
We decided to move into a cheaper apartment, so we could save more money each month for the wedding.
And we set out guest list at only 40 people. But, because we’re inviting so few people, we’re able to afford catering, and flowers, and nicer things; so our little backyard wedding will look nicer. (We’re totally serving BBQ at our wedding btw, and everyone LOVES the idea!) You’re obviously going to hurt a few feelings for those you don’t invite, but considering your financial situation, those “family” members should be understanding.
It’s definitely not worth going into debt for a wedding. I know alot of people will disagree with me about that but… it’s just 1 day. It’s not like you’re buying a house, or going to school. There’s no investment. It’s literally just pissing money away for 8-10 hours, and then you’re left with bills, bills, bills.
Just invite the closest family members and friends, spend modestly, and enjoy yourselves.
As far as the hurtful comments from your FI’s family, I’ve had that happen to me too. My Future Mother-In-Law threw a hissy fit after we got engaged… she basically pouted for a week and said that I posted a picture of my ring on FB “just to rub it in her face.” Yeah. She basically acted like a 16 year old spoiled brat. She hasn’t apologized either… i just ignore her. I hate her. I kind of hate my whole FI’s family, they’re all mean/rude and say hurtful things and then never apologize. But my Fiance is wonderful, so I just focus on him. And he focuses on me. And we’re in love. 🙂 Don’t let them ruin your spirits!
Post # 8
@RunnerBride13: Eloping was my first choice, but during the FIL’s fit about it not being a church wedding they said something along the lines of well if it won’t be in a church then you may as well just elope because celebrating would be wrong. So because of that I’m kind of determined to have some celebration because I feel it is an event worth celebrating.
Post # 9
Thank you all for the support. I would totally do the whole small wedding thing, but the big complicating factor is that my Fiance really feels like we can’t do that. For one thing I think he really wants the big wedding, the other thing is I think he feels like he can’t let his family down again after the church fiasco.
I guess Fiance and I will have to really sit down and figure out our priorities. I’ll let you know how it goes.
Post # 10
@LadyMoriarty: I bet it will be an awesome, intimate wedding, sounds so great! Was there any fallout or drama because of who wasn’t invited?
Post # 11
@zoso90: Nope! Everyone knows we’re kinda struggling financially right now. I’m even going as far as telling my cousins (who all have at least 2-3 kids each) that no kids are allowed, (mainly because we cant afford the extra $ on food.) It’s going to be small, simple, and pretty.
A good way to “get the word out” is if your mom and his mom kind of tell their family members “(bride) and (groom) are having a small wedding because they cant really afford a bigger one right now” and everyone understands and spreads the word amongst themselves.