Having trouble reading him-do you think he'll propose?

posted 3 months ago in Engagement
  • poll: Do you think there's a proposal on the horizon?
    Get yo nails done, that rings a coming! : (1 votes)
    4 %
    Maybe at a later time : (6 votes)
    23 %
    No way, he's not gonna do it : (5 votes)
    19 %
    Stop thinking about it dummy, it'll happen sometime : (14 votes)
    54 %
  • Post # 17
    Member
    869 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    So you come to this site ask advice and we only get the information you give us and you are not happy with the outcome of the answers.  You didn’t want empathy you wanted to us to guess when your man will propose to you based on the hint you gave us? 

    And because we are happily married it’s unfathamable to understand where in our day we can find time to shine the light in the situation you posted on here. Well for me it’s as soon as I woke up and reached for my phone and opens up the browser. Lol my day will go on fine thanks. But I will admit I will throw a lil prayer to help your man propose so you no longer have to ask advice from strangers on the internet 

    Post # 18
    Member
    1135 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2018 - Fremont, CA

    “if all of you are so happily married, why do you have so much time to spend being so rude to strangers on the internet?”

    We are great at multitasking.

    . . .

    Ok, now, seriously: it is ok for you to dislike the answers you got here. You were looking for buddies to root for you and go “omg, omg, I hope it happens, everything points in that direction!”.

    The thing is, we have seen some sh*t here, girl. We have seen amazing vacations being ruined because unrealistic and undiscussed  expectations were not met – big fight ensues. We have seen resentment growing. We have seen cool girls lose their cool and straight up burst at their unsuspecting partners because those cool girls were expecting a proposal based on no facts, just little flimsy (and often imaginary) signs.

    We are no mind readers and can’t tell if or when your boyfriend will propose. Therefore, our solution was rational: ask him. Ok, you don’t want to do that. We insist that we have no crystal ball and can’t really help you. We suggest once more the mature way of communicating with your partner about your life goals and desires. You get mad at us. Sigh…

    . . .

    I do hope he proposes on your trip. It sounds like it would be a great moment to do so. My advice is: please make sure to enjoy the vacation without letting your expectations ruin your experience in the off-chance a proposal doesn’t happen. If that is the case, enjoy the vacation and, when you get home, have a timeline conversation with him (that is, if you get tired of waiting blindly. If you are still ok with not knowing if/when, and don’t want to talk to him about it, that’s fine too).

    Post # 19
    Hostess
    8525 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: Dorset, UK

    “if all of you are so happily married, why do you have so much time to spend being so rude to strangers on the internet?”

    I managed to unchain myself from the kitchen sink and made my husband his sandwich in record-breaking time, so managed to spare a few minutes here. 

     

    All joking aside OP, you can’t get upset because people DON’T KNOW when you will get engaged and have suggested that you actually talk to your boyfriend about it. You could have learnt from others but instead have decided that we are all clearly wrong, despite many of us having successful conversations that have led to getting engaged. 

     

    Best of luck to you – I hope he proposes soon. 

    Post # 20
    Member
    703 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2018 - UK

    To be honest, most of the time I spend being rude to strangers on the internet is when I’m supposed to be working, not when I’m home with my husband!

    Post # 21
    Hostess
    8525 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: Dorset, UK

    kittycatcat :  this actually made me lol 

    Post # 22
    Member
    12114 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper

    I don’t see anything mean or condescending here, just the voices of experience, and meant to help. 

    “But since you all seem so curious, the reason I dont think having strong conversations about things like that are the most important thing is because my parents have each gone through multiple marraiges. Ive seen them have those conversations with whatever SO they are with and then have said conversations turn into a battleground and before you know it they fizzle.” 

    This is not evidence that being open and honest within a healthy relationship will lead to a break up. It’s evidence that your parents did not pick great or compatible partners or it could never have “fizzled” on that basis. Their experiences ought to serve as even more of a warning to you and an incentive to get it right, even if that means waiting a bit.  If you choose the right person, there is no doubt, any reason to have to walk on eggshells, to manipulate, strategize, and second guess. 

    beebeejax :  

    Post # 24
    Member
    852 posts
    Busy bee

    I am only engaged, so FH dictates what I do just half the time until the wedding.

    OP, I’ll agree with you that this community can be brutal. I’ve had my fair share of upsetting answers from the bees. But, didn’t you come here for honesty? As a pp said, if you want someone to obsess and gossip with you about getting engaged at 21, call a friend. Otherwise, take a good hard look at what you’re being told on here because I guarantee you there’s a great deal of valuable advice you should heed.

    Post # 25
    Member
    244 posts
    Helper bee

    These sort of follow-ups from OPs always confuse me. You got constructive feedback (albeit likely not what you were expecting) from the bees. You asked an internet forum to weigh in on your relationship given small pieces of information. 

    You’re disappointed because none of us told you to go get your nails done because a proposal was definitively on its way?

    If you’re able to construct a mature conversation with your SO about marriage but choose not to because you’re young and you’re fine waiting (which is obviously valid) then you can very easily take any “way-off” advice on here with a grain of salt. Bees gave some great, general advice on things. You didn’t upset anyone on here. No one feels so deeply invested/enraged by your post as you might misguidedly think.

    To answer your question/thinly veiled shot: I used to work in the wedding industry and have nothing else to do with all this random wedding knowledge. But I see I have failed and disappointed you, so it’s clearly time to log off and make my SO a sandwich. 

    Post # 26
    Member
    477 posts
    Helper bee

    Who was name calling? 

    And since you said your parents have gone through multiple marriages, wouldn’t it make even more sense to have an adult conversation about something like this? 

     

    Post # 27
    Member
    3741 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

    beebeejax :  Have you and your boyfriend had conversations about when you foresee this next step in your relationship, and have both stated that sometime in the next 1-2 years is a comfortable spot for you both? Or has he ALWAYS said “It’s a surprise” and you’re guessing/hoping for sometime in the next 1-2 years? Because I think that makes all the difference here.

    You guys obviously talk about serious things and make future plans if you’ve agreed to start a family before you’re 25. I don’t think all marriage conversations NEED to be serious, but sometimes they are and sometimes they need to be. But serious doesn’t have to mean depressing, stressful or disappointing. Not all conversations about the future can be light and airy and fun, but I’m sure with having purchased houses and taking care of your day-to-day responsibilities, you know that. 

    Sorry this thread didn’t go the way you wanted it to go. It came across as “I have no say in my future and bf holds all the cards”, which is why you got the response you did. But that doesn’t mean that’s actually the case!

    Post # 28
    Member
    333 posts
    Helper bee

    How did your discussion about your house go? Did you just find a place and buy/rent withiut much thought – or enter into the process with a clear timeline?  How about your pets?  Did you talk first about getting a pet and when?  Did you go out together and choose the pet, or have them just appear in your life?   How do you want to discuss when you are ready to try to conceive?

    Please, from a Bee who has been there: lay the foundation now to articulate your needs and expectations.

    You’ll know you’ve found the right partner if they can listen, and answer you with honesty and compassion.

     

     

    Post # 29
    Member
    200 posts
    Helper bee

    kittycatcat :  and now I am dead ….but also dead at work…. hahahaha You cracked me up good. I startled my deskmate hahaha

    Post # 30
    Member
    200 posts
    Helper bee

    OP….I know understand your desire to take things slowly in the convo thing. I have always been the “cool girl” and that is destroying me in my 30s. I am in therapy…working on my ability to speak my true feelings instead of being cool or a people pleaser. 

    I still think you are oh so young and have lots of time to figure things out but if you are having feelings that you would like to be married in a particular timeline or really want to get serious about kids, then you need to talk. 

    Like, would you be OK with kids before marriage? (I honestly DO NOT reommend it…I did and blargh) …but I also think you need to be 100% comfortable with yourself and your relationship before anything, so maybe a slightly less cool girl convo?

    I finally told my guy that I will not live with someone before I am engaged and a wedding date is set and that conversation went great. Now we both know where we are at. My next step is to figure out how much time I am willing to wait before I move forward with my life but just having him know about engaged before living together, relieved a lot of pressure on me. 

    In other news, I voted get your nails done because WHY NOT?! Be prepared just in case but be ready for it not to happen as well <3 

    Best of luck, bee! 

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