Post # 31
beebeejax : “I wish we couldve had constructive criticizing conversations, instead of bashing and name calling.”
Quote me where there was name-calling. If you’re going to make accusations, you best have the proof to back it up.
“But since you all seem so curious, the reason I dont think having strong conversations about things like that are the most important thing is because my parents have each gone through multiple marraiges. Ive seen them have those conversations with whatever SO they are with and then have said conversations turn into a battleground and before you know it they fizzle.”
Ummm those conversations didn’t go well because they were with the wrong person. If you discussing the future with your SO turns into a massive fight every time you bring it up, then you’re not with the right person. Which is even more reason why you should be initiating these conversations so you can weed someone out even faster if they’re not on the same page as you to avoid making the mistakes your parents made.
“Look, I am truly sorry if I upset anyone with a simple post asking a simple question looking for guideance.”
Lol don’t flatter yourself. No one really cares that much. It’s an internet forum.
“I do have one question though, if all of you are so happily married, why do you have so much time to spend being so rude to strangers on the internet?”
I’ll ask you a question in return: If you are so happy in your relationship, why are you on a wedding website asking strangers for relationship advice on an internet forum regarding your mutual future that you refuse to discuss with your partner who you are afraid to talk to?
Your immaturity is showing again.
Post # 32
Oh dear OP, what a silly girl you are being. You started off halfway reasonable and ended up pouting and more or less calling everyone mean and horrid and rude and unsupportive . And all because pps suggested it might be better if you were a bit less idealistic and starry eyed and a bit more in control of your shared life.
And the idea that any of us would be upset by it, well…..
Post # 33
To be honest, there’s nothing in your post that makes me thing he plans to propose on this trip -or on the following months.
I would be worried about your potential-MIL wanting to pay for those things as it could mean that she is pushing him to propose -which could either ’cause him to resent marriage or make him delay a proposal even more.
Go into this trip thinking this is just another vacation. If he happens to propose then that is good for you -I guess. If he doesn’t, at least you would have still enjoyed it.
Post # 34
Yeah, he might propose on the cruise. The fact that his parents think he will is a decent indication. You’ve given no backstory that suggests he is going to drag his feet on proposing/getting married.
That said, the fact that you equate “serious conversations” with hostile ones, as another bee said, suggests you are not ready for marriage. You can talk about your desired timeline calmly and pleasantly, you know. A conversation about your future where you lay out what your dreams and expectations are, hear his, and see where you need to meet in the middle, is a good thing!
After you’re married there will be many more serious conversations needed as you go through life together, so it’s a good idea to get in the practice now. If you have trouble communicating about things that worry you, I suggest premarital counseling. My husband and I went to a few sessions and found it really useful to identify some of the patterns and baggage we were each bringing in.
If you really didn’t care either way but just wanted to be prepared for a ring, I don’t think you would have posted here. You would have just gotten a gel manicure and packed cute outfits. You said you’re confident that you’ll be engaged in the next 1-2 years and you’re on the same page about your 5-10 year plan, but would you be posting here if you weren’t hoping he’d move quicker?
You’re probably not looking for advice at this point, but I think you should go on the cruise and have a good time, with low expectations of a proposal but ready should one take place. See how you feel about it if the cruise ends with no proposal. If you’re disappointed, ask your SO to set a more concrete timeline together. Neither of you should want you to grow resentful. It’s your life too – it’s not fair for him to hold all the power and just say “it’s a surprise” when you ask.