(Closed) He “almost” cheated.

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 77
1042 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Im so sorry 🙁  and yes i agree with PP that is cheating, 100% cheating… you dont have to have sex to cheat….. That being said, you need to do what you need to do to either move past it with him or with out him.  It is really great that he was honest, but it is so hard to move on.

Take care of yourslef, you will probably need to look at his msg and facebook just to help you relive the anxiety and the WHAT IFs….  dont worry about him not thinking you trust him because honestly you do not trust him right now, how would?!  This is not ok, and it is ok for you to feel lilke this situation is not ok, trust your gut  and he better never hang out with this girl agian, probably shouldnt be hanging out with any girls by himself anyway, should stick to groups!

Good Luck, this will not be easy

Post # 78
62 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

@allyfally:  I am really sorry you are going through this.  My fiance’ talked to a girl he use to date and who he had had sex with before we met, etc.  This really hurt me that he was still talking to her, callme jealous whatever but I just feel it is wrong.  Yes, he has friends that are girls and I am fine as long as he hasn’t dated and/or had sex with them.  I did go through his phone and FB messages when this happened because I knew my mind wouldn’t be at ease until I had.  He understood this.  Honestly, I would advise you to talk to your fiance’ and just ask him if he still has the messages and if you could read them just to set your mind at ease.  Because honestly dear until you do you will always think about it and it will always be in the back of your head.  Best of luck to you. 

Post # 79
7 posts
  • Wedding: May 2014

Everyone said a ton of good things, so I will just add that he did come out and tell you and that believe it or not is huge in itself. A lot, if not most, guy would NEVER tell the truth like that. I know so many people who had to find out through someone else or some other way. So, I do give him props for that, major props. 

Good luck. 

oh yea and if you need to look at his phone and fb for awhile, don’t feel bad about that, your bond of trust was majorly shaken, you won’t need to look at that stuff forever, but for right now, go ahead and look. 

Post # 80
630 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

Trust is essential in any relationship, and if you’re going to commit to each other by getting married, you always have to trust each other. Communication is also essential. pterest definitely been a breakdown of both, and it could really ruin your relationship if you can’t do either with him. You need to talk to Alex about how you feel, and if he starts crying and interrupting you, telling you he’s sorry and stuff, tell him that you want to finish. 

Him apologising is far from the end of this. He hurt you, and now you are having doubts, which is normal. You guys need to have a discussion about how you’ll go about regaining that trust. If you can’t work it out on your own, then I’d maybe suggest booking a couples therapy session. Maybe just one, try it out and see if it helps you. I’m not in any way insinuating that it was your fault he cheated, people often don’t cheat unless there’s a reason. It could be to do with your relationship, or it might just be personal stuff that he has to work through, or stress or something. A therapist could help get to the route of the problem. 

Its also pretty clear tht he has unresolved feeling for this girl. But who honestly doesn’t have someone out there who they have a lot of ‘what if’s about? And people usually have more than one. Can you spend the rest of your life keeping him away from other women? 

Post # 81
523 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

If it were me, a piece of our relationship would have broken off that would take many years for me to not think about being missing. I can’t give advice because I’m not sure of my own actions in this situation. But I’ll say this, for the next few weeks, months, and maybe years, if he does something wrong that incident will burst to the top of my mind. I may not talk about it out loud when he gets me mad/sad, but it will be there in my head fueling the argument and/or sadness a bit. 

Post # 82
1888 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Uh.. you guys, this thread is over 7 months old and they’re engaged.  I think they worked it out.

Post # 83
552 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

This was from 7+ months ago. OP, how are things going now? Do you have an update?

Post # 84
4554 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Really glad this turned out to be old. I was super worried about you.

Post # 85
526 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2014 - Narrawallee reserve/beach & Mollymook golf club

Take it from one half of a couple who has her SO’s facebook and email passwords and access to each others phone, it doesn’t hurt to have these things. If both you and your other half have nothing to hide, then it’s harmless! We have equal access to everything but rarely use it. I think recently my facebook has been sussed out a few times because of a boy we met on holidays, but I discouraged how he was talking to me so no harm done! The only limit I set was for him to not read my conversations with my Maid/Matron of Honor (and let’s face it, I’m hardly going to cheat with her!) 

In saying this, if you do share passwords be sure to pick your battles.  

Post # 86
10972 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

This thread is closed at the request of the OP.

The topic ‘He “almost” cheated.’ is closed to new replies.

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