(Closed) He Asked Me to Start Planning Our Wedding + Sketchy Potential MOH?

posted 9 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: Would you plan your wedding without a proposal, if your SO asked you to?

    Yes.

    No.

    You're late. I already have!!!

    It depends.

  • Post # 32
    Member
    699 posts
    Busy bee

    I actually have a similar situation.  Nerd pretty much told me that I could go ahead and plan out our wedding.  We’ve been talking about the possibility of marriage for over a year now, and we seem to be getting closer to the proposal.  While it does not take all that long to really plan a wedding, I am a planner, it’s what I do, I plan things out and he knows that.  I was asking his opinions but I also need to figure out exactly what kind of wedding and because I get so intense into planning, letting me do it over a two year span works in everyone’s favour. So yes, he said it, and I am starting to work on it.  I’m not planning on booking anything until he does propose, but I am definitely going to be focusing more on picking a theme and figuring out what exactly I want now that I know it’s coming and I can without feeling guilty.

    Post # 33
    Member
    875 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    @GirlWithTheGlassSlippers:  In terms of planning the wedding before the official proposal, yes I recommend you do that, especially if you have a specific venue or date in mind. We booked the church before we were engaged, as we wanted a July 2014 wedding (and the time slots were already booking up..in November 2012!), but both my sister and our friend booked their hall and their church before their proposal. 

    In terms of your best friend, I think you’re being a little too harsh.  Remember being in a bridal party (especially MOH) cost money, and if she’s already in a financial situation, this probably added more stress to her.  It wasn’t the best reaction, but that’s not to say she’ll always react like this.  Maybe once you do get officially engaged, she’ll react differently, as it will feel more exciting and real to her, similar to how it will feel more exciting and real for you. Yes your best friend should be happy for you, but you can’t fault her for not reacting the same way you react when you hear that people are engaged.

    Post # 34
    Member
    8 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    Yes start planning! That’s where all the fun begins! I would tell him to hurry up though… I love wearing my ring as symbol of his promise – corny but true ๐Ÿ™‚

    Post # 36
    Member
    70 posts
    Worker bee

    I would. Not to the extent of actually putting money down on anything, but what can it hurt to start looking at dresses and thinking about colours and themes? A ring is just a symbol and isn’t the most important thing here.

    Post # 38
    Member
    855 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I think it depends. If you arent getting married immediately though, I would wait for the proposal. 

    Post # 39
    Member
    247 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2014 - Stanley House Inn

    Glass Slippers –

    for your first question: BF (he has not proposed, and therefore is not FI) and I have set our date. He took me to look at rings and it was on from there. He said this year, by gods I will make that happen. We even booked our venue. I do not have a ring, he still gets his ideal proposal, and we can still get married this year. We are just not announcing to anyone until I can show off the bling. Obviously, I’m anonymous enough on here that I can say something. We do have people we’ve told, because they are vital parts of us getting married. The rest will find out when the bling comes in. I get the best of both worlds – time to plan, and a surprise proposal that he can plan and do any time in the next few months.

    I am of the belief that you should at the very least discuss getting married before you get engaged and/or start planning. Even if it is just daydreaming together.

    Second – Seems like you worked this out. Jealousy goes a long way in friendships, even when we try not to let it creep in. I’m very glad you and your potential MoH can re-strengthen those bonds!  

    Post # 40
    Member
    10 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    My fiance and I were scouting out potential wedding sites and plans nearly a year before we got engaged. We knew we wanted to get married summer of ’13, but he was waiting on a few fiancial things before he acutally got me a ring which wasn’t until november of last year.  We secretly planned things.  No one else knew. It was nice to have already worked out a lot of our common ideas and gotten a good game plan down as far as our tastes go and budget and guest list and size all before we had other people’s opinions. 

    As far as your Maid/Matron of Honor goes… my Maid/Matron of Honor has been going through so much lately.  We used to be inseperable, but the last couple years not so much.  She had gotten really bitter.  But, as I have decided to keep pushing her to open up, and keep loving her, we have come so far.  She has been the best Maid/Matron of Honor ever!  I couldn’t be more happy.  I hope it works out for you!

    Post # 41
    Member
    64 posts
    Worker bee

    @GirlWithTheGlassSlippers:  Yes! I’m starting to plan, without the ring. Never too early to start planning, and SO will appreciate it’s less work for him haha. He told me his timeline, so I feel entitled to plan. It’s ok, order some bridal magazines ๐Ÿ™‚ I did t, but I live by myself, so nobody has to know Cool

    Post # 42
    Member
    288 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    @GirlWithTheGlassSlippers:  I can COMPLETELY relate with you on the Maid/Matron of Honor situation. One of my best friends from the time I was 3 that I lived with all through college and so on is one of the first people I couldn’t wait to share my happiness with when he proposed. She was there when my mom was sick and when I got the biggest heartsuckerpunch of my life by a long term live in boyfriend years back. I just knew in my heart of hearts she would be so happy for me.

    Except this didn’t happen at ALL. I texted her a photo of us smiling with my ring finger showing after he proposed and explaind that she was one of the first people I wanted to tell and all she replied was, “Wow…”

    I have called her every day since we got engaged and she has nevero nce acknowledged it or said congratulations. Her and her boyfriend are on very shaky ground right now so I gave her two weeks of ignoring it but, at this point, it’s just ridiculous that she can’t even acknowledge it. I’m the only friend checking in with her daily and supporting her out of our entire group and it just seems to weird to me that she’s pretending it’s not happening.

    My advice to you is this– as far as she goes, just love her and let her come around. This is the route I’m taking. Someday I think she will probably apologize but until then, just forgive her for her inability to be over the moon with you. It’s not easy but there are times when our own saddness has clouded our ability to be happy for those around us. I guess we have to give them a get out of jail free card?

    Good luck!

    Post # 43
    Member
    143 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    the one thing I do actually regret is not having that window (tho I was warned it was coming) where I put my thoughts together — without having that “dream” I had TOOOOO many people thinking they could guide me (& at 36 I don’t really need guidance) but because I didn’t have my wants defined it was frustrating and overwhelming. 

     

    I thought I had a grasp on his timeline and how things would go and other than our cool weather wedding nothing has really gone the way I had it timelined in my head — but we’re good – now. Then again I look at my user name and know I felt too much pressure from people trying to plan a wedding in 10 days (for 9 months down the road). 

    Enjoy the time. The glow. Don’t lose that opportunity. It’s happy. 

    Post # 44
    Member
    2592 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    @GirlWithTheGlassSlippers:  I totally understand what you mean about the Maid/Matron of Honor thing. I have a friend who has the same attitude towards my almost engagement. She and her man had been together for 4 years before he proposed, within months of being with Matt I received a promise ring and now that we have been together for a 1 year and he’s getting ready to propose she isn’t so happy for me as I thought she would be. This is your day do not let anyone ruin it. NO ONE.

    Post # 45
    Member
    200 posts
    Helper bee

    We are planning before the ring for a few reasons:

    1. Our church has a 2 year waitlist and once we are engaged we do not want a 2 year engagement. So he told me the about time he will be ready financially and we booked 9 months after that.

    2. We want to plan what we want… meaning once you are engaged you will have people telling you what they would do… figure out now when just the two of you know to figure what you all want before the others chime in. Basically get on the same page.

    3. My mom said she would pay so we are putting together a soft budget to be able to let her know based on what we want – trying to figure out what % of money goes to each item and what is most important to us in regards to how it is spent…

    I feel by doing this now when we are not pressured by friends and family with a bunch of questions and actually having to follow through on all of the appts, parties, ect makes it a lot less stressful.

    Post # 46
    Member
    360 posts
    Helper bee

    I wouldn’t start planning a wedding without a proposal. That sounds a lot like what happened with me though. I had stayed the night at his house and in the morning he was blatantly looking at e-rings and asking what I liked. I was shocked..we had talked about getting engaged and knew I was going to marry him, but it was surprisingly all the same. He looked at me and told me I could start planning our wedding, but made it obvious that we werent engaged yet. Turns out he wanted to ask for my parents’ blessing first. I told him I didn’t feel comfortable planning without being engaged because so many things could change. And they have! So we waited and I got my ring within a month ๐Ÿ™‚

    So I’d wait to be on the safe side and it’ll happen!

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