Post # 1
I should be really happy right now but I’m not. Most of you know I didn’t have the best childhood, and while my parents do live across the country, it is still difficult being around them. This past weekend my boyfriend met my dad for the first time, and he let him know his intentions. Luckily I already knew this was happening because my dad completely blew it and made a comment to me afterwards to let me know he asked.
I feel completely humiliated because apparently during this discussion, while my dad welcomed my boyfriend to the family, he also told him how he felt I was growing up. He basically said I was “out of control”, there were “many guys”, and alluded that he “saved me” by moving me across the country. This couldn’t be further from the truth. I grew up largely ignored, and the product of constant emotional abuse whether witnessing it in my dysfunctional parents’ marriage or while it was being directed towards me. I am particularly offended by the insinuation that I was promiscuous, which is absolutely untrue. My boyfriend swore me to secrecy, afraid that if I confronted my dad he would breach the confidence in which it was said. I obliged.
He understands that my parents clearly have skewed ideas, and while my brother remains somewhat in touch with them my older sister has distanced herself. I have my boyfriend on my side, but I am so deeply hurt and confused about this conversation and why anyone would say such a thing about me that it’s ruined my pre-engagement excitement and planning. I no longer want anything to do with them, and don’t know how to deal with this. I was in a good place before they visited.
I guess this was more of a vent than anything else. I’m sorry it was so long, but I needed to get this out.
Post # 3
Wow I’m so sorry. It sounds like your parents are just being abusive to you again. I would try and keep yourself seperated from them as much as you can, not accepting money from them or talking with them about the wedding planning much. You are better than them!
Post # 4
Is being promiscuous such a terrible thing? Do you think your boyfriend wouldn’t want to marry you now because of who you’d been with in the past? Would you not want to marry your boyfriend now if you found out he slept with a lot of girls in the past?
I know you’re hurt because your dad talked badly about you not because he said that in particular but the fact that what he choose to show case as your ‘bad’ behaivor is seeing guys… just showcases how deluded and ridiculous your dad is. You knew you didn’t have a good relationship with him and now is only more evidence for why.
I strongly advice you take this into consideration as you start planning and do not count on your parents for any particular kind of behaivor! Do not epect them to act like the parents you wish they were – you will be disapointed and hurt. They will not change because you are getting married.
Post # 5
I’m so sorry that something that should be very exciting has been overshadowed by that. I’m glad to hear that you moved away and it sounds as though you are starting a wonderful life with your soon to be fiance.
Post # 6
This sounds terrible! It does sound like your dad is still trying to have some kind of control over your life and is abusing you again. It’s definitely very painful, but it’s relieving to know that your boyfriend obviously doesn’t believe a word that your dad told him. At this point, maybe it’s better that you also distance yourself from them, though gradually. To be sure that you keep your boyriend’s trust and confidence that you won’t tell your dad what he told you, just start to pull away from them and stop contacting them as much.
On a side note…so exciting that your BF is moving forward with things! Congrats and hope the engagement comes soon :o)
Post # 7
Wow i am so sorry! That is terrible what your father did… but I am glad you have a great guy by your side and your future is bright!!
Post # 8
Thanks everyone. It definitely overshadowed everything. My boyfriend even told me he was proposing in December… which I doubt, because why would you tell me that? He told me to start planning as I saw fit, and we discussed the ring again just to be sure we were happy with the style.
Anyways, I’m just disappointed. I had though since I have been out of my parents’ home for almost 10 years that things have changed. I am terrified of what will happen when they meet his family. I don’t even know how to deal with that.
I don’t think being promiscuous is really that bad these days, but what hurt was the fact I never was one to “get around”. I had two boyfriends in highschool, and 3 after that (including my current boyfriend). I don’t think 3 boyfriends in 10 years is a lot.
**sigh** Oh well. 🙁