(Closed) HE BETTER PROPOSE THIS CHRISTMAS (and mean it)

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
436 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@Akbridezilla:  From an outsider looking, er reading, in, your relationship sounds toxic. And if he proposed once but you ‘declined,’ sorry sister, that’s your own fault. It also sounds like you’ve broken up a lot. I’d definitely do some self-reflecting and make sure this is the best decision for both of you. If you decide it is, just give him time–men like to think they’re deciding to do it all on their own, and the more naggy we as women are about it, the further in the distance that dream proposal is!

Post # 4
Member
4150 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

May I ask why you’re so adamant about a proposal when you’ve broken up twice in the last year?  I would probably want to wait a while to make sure the relationship is solid and can last the test of time (or at least a year or so) without the two of you breaking up again before you worry about getting married.  

Post # 5
Member
148 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

How old are you? If you break up this often, are you sure that getting married is really a good idea?

Post # 6
Member
410 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@MissLacy:  +1

Neither of you sound mature enough to be getting married right now, anyway, In My Humble Opinion

Post # 7
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Maybe figure out how to stay together or just accept the proposal when he offers it to you? Or wait until you can move into your own place? Or function like adults? I mean, I got a headache just reading this.

Post # 8
Member
2966 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@KatyElle:  Couldn’t have said it better. 

Post # 9
Member
561 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Akbridezilla:  Take this the way it’s meant.  The reason he probably isnt proposing is because he’s already proposed, multiple times.  He’s already done it.  There’s a lot of breaking up going on – how does he know you wont break up again?

Post # 11
Member
3785 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@stargazer102706:  agreed.  Your relationship sounds no where close to marriage.

Edit: From your latest post it sounds like a young relationship and that there may be a lot of infatuation.  I would wait and give it some time to let your relationship really develop . There are a lot of reasons to get married and not just because you can’t sleep apart without being restless. Best of luck!

Post # 12
Member
9118 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

@Akbridezilla:  It doesn’t sound like you’re ready to get married, either. I know everybody’s situation is different, but debt is not the best way to start off a marriage. What are you going to do after you get married? Continue to live with your parents? Is that ideal? It seems money is an issue. Don’t pressure something where there are important factors at work — Money is a huge deal, and if he can’t afford to get himself out of debt, or find a place to live, you want him to go further into debt by buying you a ring by Christmas? Sure, it doesn’t need to be an expensive one, but the point I am making is that it will be another expense he cannot conquer.

You sound very young, and if you’re not a young one, you need to work on that. You break up a lot — This won’t change just because you’re married, if this is the norm for you. Marriage isn’t going to just solve all your problems that you so clearly have.

I think you need to take a good ten steps back and look at this relationship critically. I am not going to put all the blame on him, because it isn’t all on him. You are in this relationship too, and it takes two to tango.

You need to think big picture. It may be “the thing” to get engaged, but doing it just because other people are doing it, or you have the But I want it NOW attitude isn’t the reason to get married.

Post # 13
Member
14657 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

 You want him to propose after breaking up twice after a proposal, and him “joke” proposing all the time??   Sounds like you guys need to figure out how to get serious about the relationship and the meaning of proposing before “really” proposing and actaully getting married.

Post # 14
Member
14657 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

@Akbridezilla:  we can’t imagine living without each other. In fact I don’t know if its normal or not he and I can’t sleep when we are not together

Can imagine living with out each othe rdoesnt necessary mean you should be together either.  Its not black or white.  And not being able to sleep when not together doesnt sound like a meant to be romantic notion.  It sounds like an unhealthy dependency imo.

Post # 15
Member
561 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Akbridezilla:  Then you need to give him a bit more time to settle in to a serious relationship that isn’t on/off and just enjoy being together just as a couple. 

Post # 16
Member
5956 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

Instead on focusing on a proposal, why not focus on maintaining a healthy relationship with no breakups for a year?  It sounds like you two have been through a lot together, but your first impulse when things get rough is to split, and get back together once the dust settles…maybe he’s waiting to see how you two can cope through things together before he commits, it’s not a bad idea.

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