posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 32
9950 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Marriage is HARD … a HE-Double-Hockey-Sticks of a LOT HARDER than Dating ever is.

If as you say, you guys cannot date for a long period of time (and I’m talking years here) without breaking up

You will never make it as Man & Wife

(This is supposed to be the time in your relationship that is THE BEST… when you are over-the-moon about each other… if you aren’t now… you certainly won’t be later)

As someone else said, this relationship sounds toxic… or in the very least quite immature… (therefore wondering therefore how old you both are)

Personally, I’d be packing my bags and getting on with my life… and finding a guy who actually “gets me” and treats me oodles better…

Life is short enough… you don’t need this junk going on for the next 5, 10, 15, or 20 years

Get out… Mr Right can’t find you as long as you are tied down to this guy… you honestly DESERVE tons better than you are currently getting


Post # 34
1104 posts
Bumble bee

It’s pretty much all been said – you need to work on the relationship first.  Even if you are both determined and just know that you are the ones for each other, there are other things you need to be working on as a couple before engagement let alone marriage.  For example – you can not let you parents dictate your relationship in order for it to be your relationship, you need to be able to sleep without the other in a healthy manner not from taking medicine to help you sleep because there may be times where you get separated because of business trips or emergencies and not being able to sleep is not healthy in any kind of situation and also, it is all good and nice to joke and be comfortable with each other, but you need to be able to establish that this is a very serious relationship and that this is exactly what you want.

I agree with PPs – it sounds like you two may be a little immature for marriage right now.  NOt neccessarily young but just not mature enough to be able to handle all of the responsibilities and trust that comes with marriage.  I hope it works out regardless for you two, but I do also hope that you have read all of our advice and take it with an open mind and heart.

Post # 35
642 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

Like Nona99 said (and one should always listen intently to what Nona99 has to say) you guys have been through a lot. Let your relationship breathe. Take that money you would have spent on a ring and go on a wonderful vacation together. After all you’ve been through, your relationship’s foundation is cracked and crumbled. You need time to put it together into something solid before you can build a home and marriage on it. 

Work on your relationship for a while. Don’t commit to forever when you haven’t been able to stay together without breaking up for over a year. There’s no rush here. 

Build something beautiful together now that’s worth keeping for forever. Marriage isn’t going to magically make a stressed relationship wonderful. If anything (and planning a wedding has taught me this) it’ll do the exact opposite.

Rings aren’t magic. They don’t fix things. They are catlysts. Whatever is currently in your relationship, good or bad, will explode when you add a ring. Make sure that you’ve got nothing but good before you add one!

Post # 36
132 posts
Blushing bee

Please work on stabilizing and strengthening your relationship first before you even consider getting married. Marriage isn’t easy, it’s a lot of hard work – every happy marriage has difficult times (I speak from experience here, I’ve been married 27 years, the date above is my daughter’s). If you can’t stay together when you are dating how are going to manage when you are married?

Marriage isn’t about stamping your foot to get what you want (which it sounds like you are doing here), it’s about developing and nurturing a mutual relationship between 2 people.

Post # 38
1979 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

View original reply
@Nona99:  +1

Nona is right, as usual.  Try to focus on building a strong foundation for your relationship to build a future off later–right now your relationship is not built to last. 

Post # 39
595 posts
Busy bee

What is going on here…. you say he proposed then you broke up, then he proposed again and you broke up again? Hmm…..

Oh well you know what they say, third times a charm…..Tongue Out


Post # 40
1154 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

MariaW (message      

@Nona99:  +1. You are always so wise.


HeartsandSparkles (message   May 25, 2014  

@Nona99:  +1

Nona is right, as usual.  Try to focus on building a strong foundation for your relationship to build a future off later–right now your relationship is not built to last.

She really always is!

Post # 41
3148 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

agree with PPs. your relationship does not sound stable enough to handle marriage. see if you can stay together without breaking up for a couple of years first. what’s the rush anyway? 


The topic ‘HE BETTER PROPOSE THIS CHRISTMAS (and mean it)’ is closed to new replies.

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