- 2 weeks ago
Hello, fellow bees. I’ve been a longtime lurker here. I have read several posts about waiting. Some of them seemed similar to my situation and I could relate to the advice, but……I dunno what to do….
Anyway, so we’ve been dating for nearly 3.5 years, living together for 2.5 years. I’m 39, married before but divorced since 2007. Hes 36, never been married. I’m his longest relationship. His last relationship was in 2014 and only lasted 5 months. He has a steady job at a hospital tho and has been there 12 years. Good salary. Hes a responsible guy.
Our relationship is good. Very similar humor. Similar values. Hes kind, compassionate and helpful with my health problems (I have POTS and chronic fatigue and depression).
We have lots of pets together. We own a house together (yes, I know, lots of you are very against this if not already engaged. But our lease was up and the cost of a mortgage was cheaper than renting another apartment or house. Plus we wanted a fenced in yard for our dogs)
So..I’ve brought up the subject of marriage at around the 2 year mark. He wasnt ready then. He said he never really thought about it much during his life . But that he could see ths value in it and I explained that it is important to me. I made it clear that I didbt want to be a “forever girlfriend “. He assured me that I would not.
Before buying the house, (mid summer 2019) he assured me that an engagement would be on the horizon “soon’… anyway, I let it go…. then in November I was getting antsy and we discussed a timeline. He agreed we would be engaged before July.
Well, here it is june 28. I asked him last month if things were still moving forward. He said “well, with the world going to shit with the pandemic, it kinda sidelined my proposal plans “. I told him that the important thing is the symbol of the commitment to move forward and that I didnt need an elaborate proposal. He assured me that he knew what I wanted and to “not worry”..
2 weeks later, nothing still. I asked if he even had a ring. He started stuttering and saying that the pandemic messed up his ring plans. Cuz apparently no jewelry stores were open and he didn’t know how to get a properly sized ring from online..(wtf ? He knows the specific Styles I like, my size, etc..heck I even showed him an inexpensive one at Walmart that i liked!)..so, that discussion made me think he really isnt planning anything.
Last night I was just feeling very sad and antsy. I know that life is uncertain in these days, but people still are getting engaged and married. I told him we dont need anything fancy or anything. I just want a symbol that he is committed to moving forward. The wedding can wait but I’d love to be engaged and starting to plan for a wedding.
The engagement timeline he agreed to ends in 2 days. I honestly dont see it happening. Hes given so many excuses (he doesn’t have enough saved up and refuses to use a credit card, the pandemic makes getting a ring difficult, yadda yadda).
I feel like he isnt serious about getting engaged. Hes had since NOVEMBER to get a ring and propose. Walmart is open. I showed him one ring there I really liked. He could easily afford it.
Sigh. I dunno. I feel like he maybe just enjoys living together and playing house. I dont know what to do if he doesn’t propose by July 1. Neither of us can comfortably afford the house by ourselves. I domt want to walk away if he doesnt propose. But I dont want to do an ultimatum and always feel like he only proposed under pressure.
I really don’t know what to do. I bought the house with him with the understanding that we’d be engaged soon. Now it looks like it wont happen.
Any advice? I feel lost and like I’m in a hopeless situation.
Thank you in advance.