(Closed) He broke the engagement unilaterally and left

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
739 posts
Busy bee

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amomentofpeace :  I’m confused how there can be such confusion between ‘adorable traits’ and him being scared for his safety?  Do you know why he said this?

Post # 3
Member
493 posts
Helper bee

This sudden and erratic change  in behavior may be the signs of mental illness or some change in brain function. Get him in to a doctor ASAP.

Post # 4
Member
2593 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - Valleybrook Country Club

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amomentofpeace :  Has there ever been an altercation between you two that would lead him to be fearful?  It seems like after living together for 4 years and planning a wedding together, there shouldn’t be a breakup that you’re blind-sided by. I am so sorry bee! This is a really crappy situation, but it is better that he left before you married instead of after.

Post # 5
Member
6959 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

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amomentofpeace :  He says he’s scared of you…does he have reason to be? Have you hurt him before? Threatened him? Honestly this is how you leave an abusive relationship. 

Post # 6
Member
1127 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

You got really vague when you said “adorable traits.” What exactly are you talking about? 

Post # 7
Member
2676 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

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amomentofpeace :  I want to be able to empathize with you and I was really feeling sorry for you, until I got to the 3rd paragraph. Can you provide a bit of an explanation as to why/how he “feared for his safety” and what you mean by “adorable traits”? Absent any context or detail, it sounds like there was violence or threats of violence in your relationship. 

Post # 8
Member
5780 posts
Bee Keeper

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llevinso :  This is what I was thinking. He packed up and left and said he’s scared of OP, he’s not interested in working or talking things out, he’s already notified his side of the guests that the wedding is off- this is how you leave an abusive relationship. 

OP it doesn’t sound like his attitude changed overnight, it sounds like he’s been struggling with this and planning this but only let you know as he was on his way out the door. And if he’s truly afraid of you and presumed you’d be furious, I can’t blame him for protecting himself, this is exactly what we’d advise a female Bee to do if she was afraid of her partner. 

I know you’re hurting but you need to take a step back and reflect on why he was afraid of you. If there is any truth to his words and you’ve been physically or verbally abusive, irrational, volatile etc, you should seek professional counselling and anger management therapy. 

Even if it hurts, you have to accept that he is your ex now and does not want contact. Don’t escalate the situation by trying to contact him to discuss things, gain closure etc. He has made it clear he doesn’t want this. If nothing else, try to learn from it so you don’t make the same mistakes in future relationships. 

Post # 9
Member
861 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

You just posted in another thread this was a week ago. This must’ve been truly traumatizing for you if you don’t even remember when it happened. 

Post # 10
Member
362 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

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nifer317 :  OP also posted this same story word for word in another resurrected thread from 7 years ago. Other than these 2 (conflicting) comments and this post, OP has no other activity! Smells very trolly to me! 

Post # 11
Member
861 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

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dannij8918 :  would be a strange thing to troll with.. but also very strange to bring a very old thread back to life. it also makes her look very abusive and crazy. I’m so baffled. I hope we get an update with more info! 

Post # 12
Member
362 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

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nifer317 :  the amount of trolling on here over the last few weeks is unreal! If OP is not a troll I’d love to know why her Fiance is ‘scared for his safety’?! 

Post # 13
Member
2010 posts
Buzzing bee

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merrymargaret : Either that or he’s a DV victim and got out the way most victims feel safest. Considering he said he was scared for his safety and she was very vague about her “adorable traits”, I’m going with the latter.

Post # 14
Member
1355 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2027

I am curious about the scared for safety part too. If it is not you, is there someone in your family or group of friends he might fear?

Are the “adorable traits” what he fears now, or is it just another thing he added to the list?

I agree with the mental illness. I dated a man who was a huge narcissist and had bipolar disorder and he would meet new women, and “leave” (we did not live together) JUST LIKE THIS. We “dated” for almost 2 years, however, the behavior started several months in, so I knew what he was like right off bat (and those were my I can do anything days) and would have never agreed to marry him. This right here, you almost make it sound like it happened over night. 

Post # 15
Member
861 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

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amomentofpeace :  any update or responses to the questions here? 

The topic ‘He broke the engagement unilaterally and left’ is closed to new replies.

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