Post # 1
My husband and I were out with a group friends the other night. One of my friends pointed out that a guy in the group always referred to his wife as “my wife,” never by her name. Over the course of the evening, he’d say things like “My wife and I went to Sam’s Club” or “I don’t know, my wife took care of all that” or “That’s a good idea, I’ll have to ask the wife what she thinks about that.”
Well, my friend apparently got annoyed by his refusal to call his wife by her name. When he referred to her as “the wife” instead of “my wife” it put her over the top. So she said to him, “Why do you always refer to Jen as your wife? She has a name, you know!” And he replied, “Yes, I know her name. But I like to refer to her as my wife because I am the only person in the whole world who has ever been able to call her that or will ever be able to call her that. Anyone can call her Jen. I consider it is a privilege that I can call her my wife. To me, it’s a term of endearment.”
While my friend said, “Well if she’s ok with it, I guess it works for you guys,” I could tell she still didn’t like it. And while she has a point — if they both like it that way, who are any of us to tell them it’s wrong? I wondered what the ladies of the hive might think? Does it rub you the wrong way? I know my friend felt that by his referring to Jen only as “my wife” it comes across as somehow depersonalizing her or perhaps that he views her as an extension of himself. But I could tell by his explanation, the tone of voice he uses when he talks to or about her, and just the way he looks at her that he truly is very in love with her and loves the fact that she is now his wife.
I have to admit, I’ve been married more than a year and still love it when my husband refers to me as his wife. And I know that Jen likes him referring to her that way. But I can see my friend’s point of view too. How do you all feel?
Post # 3
Darling Husband calls me “the wife”. I doesn’t honestly bother me. I think the guys reasoning is legit, too.
Post # 4
I like hearing Darling Husband say “my wife.” If anyone snapped at him for saying it, I’d probably jump in and tell the person to STFU and mind their own business.
Post # 5
I’m not even married yet, and my fiance uses the term, “the wife” alot.
Like, “Ohhh well, I’ll have to run it by the wife, and get back to you.”
It doesn’t bother me at all, I know it is his way of being sweet actually. I know it sounds ridic, but it’s true.
Post # 7
@Neva: Your friend has a stick up her ass. Tell her to let it go. No one cares what she thinks. Maybe she’s jealous? I can’t see me being upset by something like that unless he was calling her “The bitch” or “The old hag” or “The ball and chain” I can’t wait to call Mr. Tattoo my husband and you best believe I’m using it every chance I get!
Post # 8
- Wedding: September 2011 - Clark Gardens
This wouldn’t bother me at all, especially considering his reason behind it. If he had responded to her by saying “I call her my wife because she is my property and I own her” then we have a different situation on our hands. Either way, I think the girl needs to mind her own business. It is between the husband and wife only.
Post # 9
I think your friend is overreacting, and its really none of her business. I also think its odd she would even care so much to mention it to him.
Post # 10
My SO calls me “the wife” and we arent even engaged yet , I think it is cute. .. He mostly says it when people call to make plans with him or something – he will say “Let me check with the wife and I will get back to you”
Sometimes when he says it I look down at my hand as a friendly reminder to him… 😉
Post # 11
My dad has always called my mom his “old lady” even though she is 10 months younger than him!! I’m used to it by now, but I guess some people can take it the wrong way. I also find it really weird when he calls her by her name, because he always calls her “hon” when they are together.
Hubs calls me “the wife” all the time, and it doesn’t bother me at all. We have friends where the husband does the same thing, and when they talk about us, its usually “the wife” and “your wife”. Neither of us mind.
I think if it works for the both of them, then its totally fine. And the friend who called him out should have been fine with his answer. Its not her relationship, and whether it bothers her or not shouldn’t matter
Post # 12
I don’t think it is weird at all that he calls her that. I think it’s swee and his reasoning is super cute. I think he put your friend in her place, to be frank.
Post # 13
@Neva: I definitely stand with the guy on this one too. Under different circumstances or explanation from him – I might not. ie The old lady or ball and chain— not so endearing.
Your friend that got upset seems like she may not be married? or may have some past equality or abusive issues that her feelings stem from which make perfect sense. But as it is not her being called that and “the wife” is ok with it – live and let live.
Post # 14
@tranquility: She’s single. Though she is a very nice girl and means well, she tends to be very opinionated and has no problem letting everyone know her opinion on anything and everything, whether they asked for it or not (which incidentally, is part of why my husband thinks she is single). I’m actually impressed she let it drop.
I have to tell you guys that I almost got a little emotional when he explained why he called her his wife. It was so sweet.
Post # 15
Sometimes when Darling Husband is making plans he’ll say “I have to check with Headquarters” because he knows how much it irks me.
Post # 16
Your friend needs to get over herself. There is nothing wrong with what he is doing and his reasoning is sweet.