(Closed) He called her “the wife.” Offensive?

posted 9 years ago in Names
Post # 121
Member
2104 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Totally depends on tone!

Post # 122
Member
1212 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I think your friend has some sort of transference going on…and it was really rude of her to say anything! 

I think it’s sweet. I imagine he doesn’t walk around the house saying, “Wife! Get me a glass of water!” 

Post # 123
Member
2825 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Are you talking about my BIL?!?  This sounds all too familiar (her name is Jen as well.. .lol)

This drives my mother (and us) insane that he always says “my wife”… to US! We’re her family, we know her name…  But he has a very strong personality so it comes off as he’s taking posession of her and not in a “yay we’re married” kind of way…  That said my mother went off on him one year around my sister’s birthday, he had been particularly douchy that day and on top of that kept saying “my wife” and my mom lost it…  saying “I know her name you know, I NAMED HER!!! And I like her name so USE IT!”.

He got really quiet and didn’t say much to us the rest of the night, he’s been better ever since, but now he’ll say “your sister” or “your daughter” instead.  Sometimes I wonder if he actually DOES know her name… lol

That said, to answer your question… I think it depends on the guy saying it and the environment he says it, my Brother-In-Law used to be kind of an ass so it irritated us and it didn’t seem like a sweet thing calling her “my wife”, but if he was a really sweet and genuine guy who was just genuinely happy he was married to an awesome woman it wouldn’t bother me as much.

I find myself saying “my fiance” a lot to people who may not know his name or to a group of people, but when I talk about him a lot I’ll stop and correct myself saying “his name is such and such by the way” then I refer to him by name, just so I’m not that person. haha

Post # 124
Member
2104 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

He calls me the wife, my wife, the wifey. I call him the husband, my husband, husbandface, and my hubbly… and we’re still just engaged!  I love the romantic explanation.  Your friend is being goofy about this.  He’s not calling her, “the bitch.” “The wife” is not an insult and should not be seen as one.  If your friend has a problem with “the wife,” she’s probably very very very far from marriage at the moment.

Post # 125
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: November 2014

View original reply
@Neva  Yea it is and I think the girl that called him out is way out of line and a bit rude…

Ipersonally love when hubby call me his wife or says he has to talk to the wife I would be more offended if he called me by my name all the time…

Also, my name for him is babe or baby or hubby and hes totally fine with it.

Post # 126
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I find some single people may find it offensive or not understand because there not married and find it hard to understand…

But its still no ones business and not offensive to me and personally neve have been because I refer to my husband as babe, baby or hubby almost 100% of the time around others and by ourselves…

 

Post # 127
Member
1316 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I am soooo looking forward to when Fiance and I are married, and he refers to me as “my wife”. The explanation for it was totally sweet. I’m not a huge fan of the phrase, “I’ll have to check with the wife” because I think it can often come off as the wife being controlling of her husband’s every move, but it wouldn’t bother me at all if he said, “I’ll have to check with my wife.” And I guess the tone says a lot too. Fiance currently uses “my fiancee” a lot instead of my actual name.

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