(Closed) he called me a robot…

posted 6 years ago in TTC
Post # 3
Member
5148 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

((hugs))

Remember to keep it fun! TTC shouldn’t be a chore. I was worried Darling Husband would feel that way, so I always tried to keep things fun and spicy, and not “we have to have sex today for baby-making”. How about getting a couple new sexy bedroom outfits?

Post # 4
Member
802 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@abbyful:  I second everything Abby said! 

Don’t make him feel like your using him for his baby making, if he only wants to do it 3 times a month..just make it on your fertile days 😉 I think the more “I’m ovulating we have to do it!” gets stressed- the less it becomes about you guys.

What i’m getting from your post though is that he just doesn’t want to do it. Darling Husband and I are opposite of you two, he’s the one always making hints & it really turns me off. Trus t me, if you talk about sex 24/7, it gets annoying. I/your Darling Husband will come around but being pressured into it doesn’t make it enjoyable. What works for me is when he doesnt say a single word about it ALL DAY & then we’ll be watching TV and snuggling & he’ll rub by back, and then slowly ease into it. I just cant get into it when he’s like “lets do it!”. Sorry if thats Too Much Information but your Darling Husband sounds like me, so maybe try something like that?

 

Post # 5
Member
700 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2004

I’m really surprised to read this. I mean, I know that not all men want sex all the time, but he’s being kind of mean to you for wanting to do it. I feel like it’s backwards. Sex has never been a chore for my husband (more for me sometimes) and he would do it every day if I wanted to. Perhaps there are some other underlying issues. I really do hope you guys work it out and find a way to both be happy with the situation 🙂

Post # 6
Member
134 posts
Blushing bee

 He’s just not giving me what i want.

This concerns me. From what you’ve posted, it sounds like YOU are the one who’s hell-bent on getting pregnant NOW.  The two of you already had sex issues; now you’re making it even more of a “chore” for him.  

You’ve set up a power struggle over an already underlying isuse. Say if cleaning chores were the issue you fought over:  imagine what you would feel like if your Darling Husband shook you awake at 2 am and INSISTED you scrub the toilet (ie. example chore)  RIGHT NOW.  You’d be pissed off, defensive, reluctant to do something you dislike doing and uber-resentful being told to perform NOW.

Yes, there are limited times in the month when you’re fertile; I do understand that.  But also understand your DH’s POV that in addition to the regular sex (which is an issue), now you’re demanding babymaking sex on top of that.  My suggestion would be to relax and stop rushing TTC.  Stop communicating to him so much about sex – what he calls “nagging”. Listen to what HIS needs are too, and try to give him what he wants.  That will make him more fulfilled and open towards giving you what you want. If you don’t have a solid relationship with your Darling Husband in the first place; a baby’s only going to make it worse. 

Post # 7
Member
510 posts
Busy bee

@vanilla frosting:  I know how you feel… I feel like I want it more than Darling Husband and it gets frustrating.  When he wants to do it, we pretty much always do, but if I’m in the mood and he’s not… he doesn’t always ‘cooperate’ lol.. which upsets me because I feel like I’m considering his needs, but he isn’t doing the same for me.  It’s probably more common than you realize, but not everyone wants to talk about it, and the common stereotype is the sex-crazed guy.  Try to communicate how you feel gently, since it’s such a sensitive subject.  We’re not yet TTC, but I’m going to check back here for other tips, too:)

Post # 9
Member
5096 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I didn’t completely understand the first sentence of the last paragraph – what did he tell you, exactly?

Him having a lower sex drive than you is not at all abnormal, despite our stupid pop culture that says that all men want it all the time, and that women seem to only have sex as a favor to men. Ugh.

But him saying that you’re like a “robot,” and that there’s something wrong with you initiating sex, is just cruel. There is NOTHING wrong with you.

If I had to guess, he’s embarrassed that his sex drive doesn’t match that of “normal” men.  So instead of dealing with that, he’s displacing it onto you by suggesting that there’s something weird or abnormal about your desire. 

Post # 11
Member
5096 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

@vanilla frosting:  It sounds like he is doing everything in his power to displace the responsibility onto you. That is really not fair.

Post # 14
Member
5096 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

@vanilla frosting:  Honestly, at this point it might be helpful to do a few sessions with a couples’ therapist, since it sounds like you two are stuck. Maybe a neutral third party could really help, bring in some fresh ideas, etc.

Good luck!!!

Post # 15
Member
5670 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

I’m sorry! Some men just don’t understand how it works and they aren’t going to get it. He is probably insecure about his low sex drive and when he is put on the spot is getting defensive. Not that it’s an excuse to act that way. He needs to learn how to deal with his issues and not take them out on you.

In regards to ttc, don’t tell him when you are ovulating, just make the move. By some new lingerie and just make it think it’s because you want him. My Darling Husband has an extremely high sex drive and still got frustrated during the TTC process. His words I beleieve were “when can we have sex just tp enjoy it an have sex”.

 

Post # 16
Member
121 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

Is it possible he has low testosterone? This is a really common issue in men of all ages, but it isn’t something doctors necessarily check for without a push (depending on the doctor). Would your Darling Husband be open to having it checked? It’s just a blood test, and it would be a real shame if something medical and easily diagnosed/treated was causing this emotional issue.

I’d suggest you google and read up more on it, as I really don’t know much beyond what I said here. But I know it has been a root cause in situations similar to yours I’ve learned about, but people are really hesitant to talking openly about it.

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