He Called Me By Her Name

posted 2 months ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
2751 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

How long have you been dating and has it ever happened before? I completely get your feelings being hurt, but I honestly was terrified of calling my boyfriend (now husband) by my ex’s name even as long as a year or two into dating. A lot of it comes from habit and not necessarily desire or anything, especially if they were together for a while. If this was a one time deal I’d just let it go. 

Post # 4
Member
619 posts
Busy bee

knotyet :  I’ve never called FI by my ex’s name TO him, but I’ve referred to him with my ex’s name to other people. I’ve been divorced for 16 years and definitely do not miss the ex.

Unless you’re seeing signs of withdrawal or distance in other ways, I wouldn’t read too much into it.

Post # 5
Member
496 posts
Helper bee

Girl, you need to chill. My fiance called my by his ex’s name periodically for about the first year we dated. It made me fuming mad, but eventually I realized it was just force of habit since they’d dated for several years. 

When I finally had a long conversation about how disresepectful it was, and how he needs to be conscious of how a ‘slip of the tongue’ can be incredibly hurtful, it stopped. 

If this is a one time thing, and he really is sorry, give him a pass. He didn’t call you the wrong name in bed.

Post # 6
Member
111 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

When my DH and I were first dating, I accidentally called him by my ex’s name once. I felt horrible and it was a complete accident, but it meant nothing and I had no interest being my with ex nor did I miss him in any way. In fact, it was not a good breakup and I don’t even like my ex. 

Post # 7
Member
8645 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

The fact that it was his birthday makes me think she was on his mind. Maybe she wished him a happy birthday? 

Post # 8
Member
755 posts
Busy bee

MsTrulove22 :  Same thing happened with me.  I called my current FI my ex FI’s name once (and the two names aren’t even close) and I felt horrible!  Fortunately my FI didn’t make a big deal about it and I’ve been careful not to do it again, although there was a time when we were having a bit of a disagreement that I almost did.

I don’t think it’s that big of a deal.  I was in no way thinking of my ex.  The mind is just weird sometimes.

Post # 9
Member
2467 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

I honestly wouldn’t think anything of it. It happens to people all the time. Maybe he was thinking about something he did for a birthday a few years ago and she was around. That doesn’t mean he’s feeling anything or even thinking about her. I wouldn’t make a mountain out of an incident like that. 

Post # 10
Member
18 posts
Newbee

I can definitely understand why that would upset you. I accidentally called my (now) husband by my ex-boyfriend’s name when we started dating and I could tell it really hurt his feelings. I truly meant nothing by it, though. I, in no way, was missing my ex. If he doesn’t seem to be pulling away in other ways, I would try to let it go.

Post # 11
Member
4417 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

It doesn’t mean anything.  I’ve been married for almost seven years now, and just last week I accidently called my husband by my former husband’s name, who I’ve been divorced from for 11 years.  It happens. It doesn’t mean I love my former husband more than my current husband or that I want to go back to my former husband. It just means my brain pulled up the wrong name at the wrong time.

Heck, my mom calls my niece and nephew by my name and my brother’s name all the time. 

Our brains are kind of like computers with lots of files. Sometimes, the computer pulls up the wrong file when doing a search. 

Let it go, and don’t worry about it. Mistakes happen. 

Post # 12
Member
609 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

I called my husband my female cousin’s name, because she’s my bff and I tell her everything. 😐 It was just out of habit, since we grew up togehter. 

Post # 13
Member
2702 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

Ugh, this is the worst. I’ve done this. And I wanted to crawl in a hole somewhere and die. But my SO at the time was super understanding and just laughed it off. Has he seemed to have issues about this ex in the past or is this just a one off thing? If its a one off, I would be sympathetic and just move on.

Post # 14
Member
332 posts
Helper bee

knotyet :  I called my DH by my ex’s name once, within a year of starting to date him. I hadn’t been in contact with my ex or even thinking about him, so the fact that I did this suprised and upset me, but my DH ignored it (I hope he didn’t hear it!) and I never brought it up. I honestly felt like the worst person in the world, and I figured if he had heard it my DH would have told me. It was only a one-time thing, and it didn’t mean anything at all…my mind just inserted my ex’s name by accident. Like I said, I hadn’t been thinking about my ex or in contact with him, and I felt horrible and was afraid that I had hurt DH’s feelings a lot (or could potentially hurt them if I brought it up and he hadn’t heard what I said). But it didn’t mean anything related to my feelings…I mean we’re still together and I love DH with all my heart and we’re married now, so yeah he’s way different and more special to me than my ex. I knew from first meeting him that he would be the most special man to me, and yet I still made that mistake. I can’t explain how it happened…my brain just messed up.

Nowadays I sometimes call one of my male friends by DH’s name. Their names rhyme though, so that’s definitely my mind randomly messing up because I say DH’s name all the time.

Post # 15
Member
3014 posts
Sugar bee

I think this could be totally innocent or it could be a sign of trouble – impossible for us to tell. I would probably be a bit pissed/hurt in your shoes, but unless I had other reasons to suspect that my husband still had feelings for his ex I’d probably let it go.

I will tell you that even now, nearly 3 yrs into my relationship with my husband, I still sometimes will almost refer to a joke or something that I had with my ex. I have less than zero feelings for my ex, but sometimes my head just gets confused. It is totally innocent. Could be the same with your husband. And taking a long time to orgasm?? That could be anything and nothing – maybe he’s feeling weird cause he knows you’re upset? Maybe he’s just enjoying himself and not in a rush to get to the finish line lol? I wouldn’t read into that.

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