- 10 years ago
- Wedding: June 2012
I know it’s my first post here but I have been following the boards wheresince we started to plan our wedding and now I don’t know where else to go to ask for advice. Sorry for the very long post but I am desperate!
My fiance and I were childhood friends and knew each other for many years. We started dating in 2009 and this last September he proposed to me. We had so much in common and clicked on so many levels. We were also each other’s best friends. I couldn’t be happier, I was in love and he was the one that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with and both families were super excited, especially that our parents are close family friends for more than 30 years and he was like a son to my parents.
Couple of months ago, he left my city (where he moved to be with me) for his hometown which is across the country and is French-speaking on a work contract. Everything was fine, we were visiting each other back and forth and planning our wedding (We were almost done with planning and even the guests were invited). We had some discussions about where to live or where to have children but we were still undecisive, as he has better job opportunities in his hometown and I have better ones in my city because I don’t speak French but I was considering to move there to see what happens (taking French classes, looking for a job,..). We had some arguments about planning or other stuff but nothing serious.
He was supposed to come to my city this weekend for Valentine’s day and taking our engagement photos. We planned to go away for a night and had booked our hotel. We got to an argument the night before and he told me over text that he is not coming because he is upset. (He had texted me 3-4 hours prior to the argument to say how much he loves me and how excited he is to see me). At first, I though he is drunk or something because he was out with his friends all night.
He texted me the following morning around the time he usually calls to talk before I go to work, confirming that he is not coming. So, I asked if I should cancel the engagement session and he said ” do so”. I was really upset so I called and asked what to tell our parents and how he wants his stuff (I know I know maybe I jumped to a conclusion) and then he broke up with me over text saying that it is better to be hurt now than after a failed marriage and I am responsible for it. He kept texting to a point that I had to stop reading his texts as they were making me too upset to work. They were all saying the same thing that other guys have spoiled me in my previous relationships, I have problems with his core characteristics, etc etc.
I couldn’t believe it! So, I called him on Saturday morning (all my friends said it is a fight and he is only upset, you two are in love. Things don’t end this way). He yelled and yelled and I cried and cried. He said the same stuff, when I refused to agree he started giving examples like one night when he was out with his buddies drinking I had texted him to come home because we were going out for dinner with my friends and that had made his buddies (co-workers) give him attitude from that point on and then also he had to deal with me being upset at him for coming home late (this happened early summer), or that one of my friends has told him once that we should not move to his city after the wedding because they have a say and they would miss me (which was a joke) and at a different occasion a family friend had mentioned that his city is not that nice and he cannot accept the responsibility of me leaving my life and moving there for him because everyone is going to say stuff about it and I might not end up not being happy because his lives in a French-speakng city and I don’t speak French.
I told him that I think marriage is about taking responsibility towards each other and we should discuss things in person and breaking up after 2 years and half over the phone and text is not the appropriate way to do it. He said then he doesn’t want the responsibility, I can say that he doesn’t have the backbone, is sorry that he proposed, he is willing to take the blame publically and privately if I want and he doesn’t have time now and will come to my city at the end of the month to get his stuff and we can talk about it then if I want. I haven’t heard back from him ever since.
I am devasted, hurt, humiliated, angry, heartbroken and feel betrayed. I don’t know what to do, especially that I didn’t see it coming:( and this is the second time that a guy walks out on me when we are engaged. The only difference is that he (old one) was a douche who cheated on me and there were so many signs that it was not the right relationship and this time I was very careful not to make the same mistake twice. Even the timing is the same as last one (i.e. near valentine’s day) and it is the 2nd wedding that I am cancelling.
I am very confused. What should I do? How should I cope? Please help.