Post # 1
Just this past Sunday, he called off the engagement. He said he realized that he loves me but isn’t in love with me and isn’t ready for marriage. I am completely devasted. He moved out in less than three hours and I haven’t spoke to him since. I don’t know if he plans on giving me a proper goodbye or anything.
I’m so lost… Any advice bees? Please. I haven’t eaten or slept in two days….
Post # 3
I’m so sorry! Please try to eat something and get some rest! I know it’s hard, but you’ve got to take care of yourself!
Post # 4
I am so sorry. My thoughts are with you!
Post # 5
I am so sorry. Take care of yourself and realize that this is a time that you get to be selfish and grieve. Ask friends to come over, eat with you, and listen. Talking it out helps. So does running, listing to Kelly Clarkson, and taking 2 months off of life where you don’t do anything socially that you are not up for. Feel free to use these boards to vent. We can only imagine how rough this is for you.
Post # 6
I am so sorry for your pain, I can imagine you’re in shock right now, and an immense amount of pain. You do need to take care of yourself, though, as best you can. Is there someone you can talk to or be with right now? Being alone may not be the best thing until you can make some sense of things.
Did he say anything beyond what you posted? Have things been different between the two of you lately or did this hit you out of the blue? In other words, have you had any signs this might be coming, such as arguing more often lately, etc. ?
I know this is hard to hear, but try to realize that it’s better that this happened now than after the wedding, which would have been much worse. You will get through this. Just be very gentle on yourself right now and rest as much as you can. ((HUGS))
Post # 7
This is horrible. I am soo sorry and hope you feel better. Were you blindsided or did you “feel” this was coming?
Post # 8
After going back and reading his texts and conversations I now see that he wasn’t distant but when we were together, it seemed as everything was normal.
We went suit shopping two Sundays ago and then that week he was acting weird and I kept asking him if everything was ok and he said yeah. Then this past Sunday, I just couldn’t get the sense out that something was wrong so I went to him and he told me that after we went to look at suits he realized that the wedding was really happening and that he wasn’t ready to get married. Then he continued and said that he realized that he loved me but wasn’t in love with me.
I sat there shocked and I didn’t really know what to say or do. I just sat there for a few minutes and then gave him the ring back and he said no to keep it and sell it or whatever. I said, no and I gave it to him. Then I walked out of the room to try to figure out what was going on and then I called my brother crying and I heard him in the bathroom rummaging and I figured he was just getting his esstenials. We kept on running into each other in the hallway and I was crying and I saw he was crying and then I realized I needed to run a quick errand and I wasn’t even gone twenty minutes. When I came back there were two trucks in the drive way and his brother and two friends were there helping him move. I was shocked, completely and utterly shocked. I sat in one of the bedrooms crying, alone and called my brother again and hoped he would be by soon.
The ex then came in my room and said it would take two trips and that he would be gone. While they were making the first trip my brother and friend showed up and we were talking and they came back to pick up the rest of the stuff.. Less than three hours later he was gone and he didn’t say goodbye or anything. I just heard the door and I asked if they were gone. My brother went to go check and he came back and said yeah.
He left without saying goodbye. I don’t know if he didn’t want to see me cry or wanted to give me space… I don’t know. Everyone says he wants to talk to me so that there aren’t these lingering unresolved issues but I just have to wait and see if he’s going to reach out.
Last night I couldn’t sleep and so I broke up and texted him and said, “this sucks, this honestly truly sucks. I know I shouldn’t be texting you but I couldn’t sleep. I’m sorry for everything and I just wanted to let you know that I don’t hate you” then he responded with, ” Don’t be sorry. Its not your fault. Get some sleep and we’ll talk later.”
So I don’t know… I guess we’ll talk.. I’m just so… hurt, lost, confused.. All of the above.
Post # 9
I am sorry.
He is right, it is not your fault. I know this is of little comfort, but it is better you found this out now than later. You do not want to be married to someone who does not have his whole heart in it. This does not mean ANY thing is wrong with you, but not everybody is right for everybody, some relationships run their course, or who knows what else.
Sometimes it takes things getting “real” for someone to realize what they are really feeling. Sounds like this was the case for him. Maybe he did want to want to marry you, but he realized you both need much more than that to be happy together.
Take care of yourself. It is okay to grieve, but just be aware you may never have firm “answers” as there just might not be any.
Better days lay ahead, I promise, and one day you will feel grateful that this happened. Hard to imagine now, I know.
Post # 10
I understand that this has got to be incredibly hard… unimaginable. It will take time to see this, but if he’s really not in love with you, he did you a favor. Why be in a loveless marriage when you can be with a man that worships the ground you walk on. You deserve that and every bit more. I am so sorry that this happened. There will be a day.. some day in the future that you will be thankful for it. In the mean time, please take care of yourself. Hugs!!
Post # 11
Oh I just want to reach out and give you a big ol hug!!! Your update made me a little teary eyed. I do not wish your experience and pain on my worst enemy. Try to surrond yourself with positive and loving people and do things that you like to do and things that make you happy. I am so sorry for what you are going through.
Post # 12
awww.. i am so sorry this is happening to you. The pp is right though. At least you are finding this out now rather than after 5 years of marriage and 2 kids…
Post # 13
Thank you everyone for your kind words. I’m just a terrible mess right now but I know I didn’t deserve this. I know I was the best to him and if that’s not good enough then that’s fine. It’s just hard but time will heal all things, right?
Post # 14
@vannabehr: I am so sorry for what you’re going through. It just sounds terrible. Keep your head up. I will keep you in my prayers.
Post # 15
I am so sorry. Just remember, things will get better. Maybe he is just having a major freakout right now and will realize what he is losing??? No one knows of course, but I know I have been freaking out lately about the whole marriage idea. It has nothing to do with fi. It’s just me being freaked. I will keep you in my thoughts and if you ever need to talk you can pm me or whatever. Really sorry you are going through this.
Post # 16
Im so so so sorry.
Do you have parents or a really close friend nearby you can go stay with for a few days? Being alone in the place you shared is no help at all!