(Closed) He Called the engagement off again Part II

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
4885 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

My question is:  why do you want to be with someone like this?


Also, you’ll still have the friends.  They hopefully won’t go anywhere.  Free yourself from this person ASAP!

Post # 4
1433 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012 - Historic Lougheed House

Yes, why do you want to be with someone like this?  He sounds very manipulative, and like he needs to be on a serious dose of anti-anxiety or tranquillizer pills. 

Post # 6
1238 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

you poor thing, it sounds like a very difficult situation, but can you really see a future with a man who yells at you, curses at you for no reason.  He may have anxiety but that is abuse.  If he keeps calling it off I dont think he will change, it seems that it his automatic response to any challange or comment.  Please dont set yourself up for a lifetime of misery. 

Post # 7
635 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

You’re in an emotionally abusive relationship. If I were you, I’d break up with him for good and never be in contact again. No phone calls, no emails, no texts. Then you need to get into counseling to determine why you’ve accepted this type of abuse up to now, and to learn strategies for protecting yourself in the future.

Post # 8
2247 posts
Buzzing bee

You’re gonna have to find the strength to end this.  Either that, or you will continue to be strung along and emotionally abused.

Post # 9
1252 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Regardless of whatever disorder he has been diagnosed with, it is not healthy for YOU to continue to be berated, called names, and put through these ups and downs.  His disorder does not give him a free pass to treat you like crap.  You need to do what is best for you, and right now is your opportunity to break free from this crazy cycle for once and for all.

I honestly don’t know why any of us (I’ve been in your shoes myself) continue to go back for more in these situations.  These jerks somehow make us believe that the drama and fighting is love and passion – it is not.  Even if he does text or call tomorrow or next week to apologize it is going to happen again and again. Stop the madness, cut off contact with him completely.  If you have a single girlfriend that is not a shared friend call her up now, attach yourself to her and get out and have fun without the jerk.  Start making new friends on your own.  You can do it!

Post # 10
248 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

You will never feel secure with this man.  I don’t care what mental problems he has, you are not on this earth to be his ‘whipping boy’ when he’s not happy.  He cannot take his problems out on you.  And if you let him, which is what you are doing every time you take him back, you are setting yourself up for a lifetime of misery.

He doesn’t love you.  No one who did would keep treating you like this.

Post # 11
4430 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Hmmm…i’m no health expert but this sounds like more than anxiety disorder to me….more like bi-polar.  Anywho I don’t know why you’d want to continue being with someone like this.  I think it’s apparent that if you are getting treated this way on and off, it will continue through marriage.  

A ceremony and reception will not change the way someone acts…think about it.



Post # 12
1623 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

If this is how he is now, this is how he will be in the years to come. Can you imagine the same back and forth over kids? Or kids witnessing this kind of behavior from their father? He blames you for things that aren’t your fault, breaks your heart, apologizes, but never changes. Honestly, you’ve given him lots of chances. I honestly think you’re better off taking time to yourself (for yourself, not him) and thinking long and hard about whether this man and this relationship will be giving you what you want and deserve in life.

Post # 13
248 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’m bipolar and I don’t treat my Fiance like this…no way near anything like this, even when I’m having massive panic attacks, can’t even leave my flat and think everyone hates me. 

Like reebee said, having a disorder does not give someone a free pass to act like a jerk.  If he really cared for jroot,  he’d get help for himself and stop acting this way.

Post # 14
330 posts
Helper bee

Have to agree with PP that it’s time to move on. Regardless of the cause (whether mental illness or just who he is), this guy is not equipped to be the steady, loving partner that you deserve. You want to marry someone you can depend on, not someone loves you one day and hates you the next. And if you want kids, you need a dependable partner to raise kids with. Right now, that’s not him.

Maybe someday when he’s healthier he will be the kind of guy who would make a good husband or father, but it will probably take years as these kinds of issues do not resolve quickly.

Post # 15
11505 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

View original reply
@BellaDee:  I’m not either, but that’s exactly what I am thinking, that her S.O. suffers from much more than just anxiety.

OP, I am so sorry you are going through this.  However, there is NO way that you can have a safe, emotionally healthy, stable relationship with this man under these conditions.  You truly need to make a clean break from him, no matter how difficult it is to do this. Even if he should once again change his mind, it would be very unwise for you to attempt to move forward into a marriage relationship with him given his unstable, volatile, emotionally abusive history.  You potentially would be asking for a lifetime of pain and grief. 

Post # 16
7680 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Not to be snarky or make you feel bad.  My dad was right when he told me at one point in a relationship, “It’s not supposed to be that hard”.  We didn’t end up getting married. I’ve been happily married to another man for 30 years.  For your sake, I hope that you do move on.  He is not about to change.  Ask yourself, do you want to continue to live like this-It sounds like if you decide to marry him every time he “gets anxious” he will want a divorce.  That would not be good for you or any children you may plan to have.  Fill your life up with new hobbies and interests.

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