(Closed) He Called the engagement off again Part II

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 77
Member
100 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Addition: In regards to my comment about finding someone else who loves you in the future…this is true, but more importantly, leaving someone toxic allows you to love yourself again, which is the most important thing. Once you rebuild yourself, everything else will fall into place 🙂 Good luck, my heart goes out to you because I know how bad this sucks right now!

Post # 78
Member
2910 posts
Sugar bee

Take deep breaths! Find something to do — take a walk, go window shopping, clean the house, meet a friend for coffee. Distract yourself.

I was once in a relationship with someone who was emotionally unwell, and being with him was bad for me. I left and went back to him many times before finally cutting ties. It was so, so hard. Going back to him was this huge relief, because I loved him even though I knew that being together was bad for both of us. I can assure you that in the long run I know I did the right thing by breaking it off, and I wish I’d just done it once and stuck to it.

Post # 79
Member
13 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2013

One word PROZAC!  Read thebook why men marry bitches by Sheri argove ….my fi was the same way he never called it off or broke up with me but would give me the silent treatment and ignore me whenever I bought up setting a date….like dude you asked me twice so when I ask about a date you hit me with idk???? I gave him two months with no pressure or anything and still idk? Like wth? What did you ask me for. We set a date but it was like pulling teeth…ugh

Post # 81
Member
424 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

He’s trying to manipulate into doing something.  That wasn’t an accident.  He’s trying to play with your emotions and make you feel shitty.

Don’t let him.

Delete.  Ignore.  Move on.

 

You’ve got a lot of strength. It’s about time he realized it.

Post # 82
Member
4430 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

View original reply
@jroot19:  He did that on purpose so you would feel like garbage…that’s a manipulative move….definitely showing that there is no hope..in my eyes.

Post # 83
Member
5983 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1999

View original reply
@jroot19:  Speaking from experience, I would definitely take some time to yourself.  Reflect on what you want in a relationship and how you deserve to be treated.  Possibly see a counselor on your own.  Although it’s nice to get validation from the Bees, hearing it from a professional is extra nice.  A counselor may also be able to give you some pointers as to how to deal with someone that is emotionally hurtful and manipulative.  Or, if you’re ready to walk away, you can walk away with a plan in mind.  Best wishes, dear!

Post # 84
Member
1252 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

View original reply
@jroot19:  I’m sorry but I had to giggle a little when I saw what he did with the text message.  I lived with an emotionally unstable guy years ago (he ended up being a bi-polar/ADHD/drug addict ) and after I dumped him he would from time to time “accidentally” send me an email that was supposedly intended for his mother or his new “girlfriend”.  I was so over his crazy-ass that I would just forward his stupid emails along to my friends for a good laugh.  A few months later he did admit to me that they were absolutely fake and he had been trying to make me jealous.  So I think he’s playing games with you.  Don’t fall for it!

Post # 85
Member
650 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Oh god, get his number blocked so he cant text you. Call the phone company to request it.

After I had my ex’s phone number blocked so he couldnt text or call me, my life vastly improved and I was able to get over him. Block him online, phone, whatever…and you will see that things slowly start to get better because YOU CANT HEAR FROM HIM. I swear to you, it makes things 100% better…because then you really can focus on moving on and feeling better!

Post # 86
Member
25 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I was in a relationship like this several years ago. I put up with it for a long time, because he made me feel like it was my fault. Over time, I couldn’t take it anymore. It helped that it was a long distance relationship but it was still rough. I finally broke up with him and ironically, he didn’t understand at all why I was ending it. He gave me a really hard time about it and wanted me to come visit him (I broke up with him 3 days before I had a booked flight to spend V-Day with him). Although I felt sick about it for a week or two, I was so relieved after it passed and I never looked back after that. I would recommend you get out, because I think the anxiety is more of an excuse. Even if you make it through the wedding, I think you will suffer after that…I know I did, for a long time.

Post # 87
Member
3229 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Get that man to a therapist and a doctor.  He needs medications and some cognitive behavior therapy.  Also, I hope you get some too to help you decide if this is a situation you want to continue in just in case he is NOT willing to get the help he needs or decides to not continue it.  

Post # 88
Member
28 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2012

My heart truly goes out to you. I can relate. Like the other posters have mentioned, this is emotional abuse and he seems bipolar. You didn’t say this, but you’re probably thinking you’re strong enough to handle it and can hang in there. Don’t do that to yourself. Going through things like what you’ve described will take a toll on you and you will lose your spirit and strength. You asked why he continues to do this. You allow him to. It’s like going to an event and having in/out privileges. He’s going to continue to walk in/out your life unless you stop taking him back so easily (not that I think you should take him back at all). You already know what the right thing to do is, but I know things are easier said than done. Take care.

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