Post # 61
You just answered your own questions, honey. Your self esteem is low because you were treated badly by the people who were supposed to love you the most. There was no one around to model what a healthy relationship looks like. Your parents set you up for a future of terrible relationships.
We gravitate toward what is familiar. For you, being treated badly is painful, but it’s also what feels “normal” to you on a deep, subconscious level. Sometimes we keep repeating our relationship patterns over and over, symbolically trying to fix our relationship with our family of origin.
Because so much of this goes on below your level of consciousness, a good therapist is important in your abuse recovery.
Post # 62
hellokittyxo : if your father was like that , it explains a lot why you are attracted to such type of men and why you choose to stay in spite of abuse.
You need to do first step – cut him off completely and not have any conversations anymore. Then you need to see a therapist. It’s a long journey to heal, but if you choose to love yourself first you will win. You can do it, trust me 🙂
I am telling you from my own experience, because my grandfather was abusive and in my first relationship I had based on childhood traumas, I was not making right choices and found an asshole to date with. Nevertheless I found strength to heal, though it took several years.
Post # 63
Get some counseling, work on loving yourself, and take a year off from dating. When you go to pick the next one, date a few casually at the same time. That way, if one of them is mean to you, you’ll be able to see that someone is still willing to treat you like a human being. Your usual type isn’t working for you because some of the personality traits you’re attracted to develop right alongside and sometimes as a result of their more abusive traits. It’s not your fault, it happens to a lot of women, but the next people you pick to date should not remind you of your exes at all. They should be polar opposites. You can be happy and loved, but it’ll never happen with this guy.
Post # 64
wow my jaw dropped reading the exchanges between you two.
I totally agree with many of the previous posters. Break up with him immediately and don’t respond when he tries to contact you again because he will– doesn’t mean he loves you but he will expect you to take him back with open arms because he’s used to that behavior from you.
The only relationship that should take priority is the one you have with yourself. I learned this the hard way too. You can’t have a successful romantic relationship if you don’t know your own self worth or have respect for yourself. That’s also when you will know what are healthy boundaries are, and be able to see red flags in potential partners sooner before deciding to pursue a relationship with them.