Post # 1
So my Boyfriend or Best Friend and I have been together 3 years. Lived together for 2. We have talked about marriage a few times. We’ve been ring shopping twice. First time I found a beautiful ring that was about 3-4 months salary for him. Even though he acted like that was okay I knew it would literally take him forever to save and purchase the ring. So on our next ring shopping adventure I tried to look at rings that were around 1 months salary for him or less.
Not Really. My Boyfriend or Best Friend is not a great manager of money nor is he a “saver”. Even when we looked the second time and I found another gorgeous ring for much much less I still felt like it will take forever for him to purchase the ring. And it is. Our last “engagement” conversation I asked him what was the issue and he simply said “finances”. I know he has a lot going on financially but I kind of resent him now because our first talks of marriage were at the beginning of the year. Now nine months in still no ring or money saved for a ring.
Honestly I’ve looked for rings again (alone) and haven’t found anything that I liked or could live with. The ring that we chose to me is reasonable and affordable in my opinon. It’s different for me because I make more money than he does (he says me helping or buying the ring is out of the question). So I couldn’t see myself wearing a “cheap” ring or something less than my standard. That may sound a little selfish but I don’t ask for much. I pay majority of the bills and solely I have very good spending and saving habits. I make a good living so I don’t see why my ring can’t match that. I’m not really looking for a “high price” ring, my main concerns are the value and the beauty seen from my eye (I’m very picky).
I’m at the point where I’m tired of waiting for his proposal. I KNOW he wants to marry me, he’s said it many times during our 3 year relationship. OMG there are so many reasons why this engagement needed to happen yesterday (too many to explain). For some an engagement ring is not necessary. But for me it is. In my opinion that’s a man’s proposal for his commitment and fidelity therefore when you wear the ring there is nothing else that needs to be said. People KNOW what it means vs. you trying to explain to everyone that you are engaged, why you don’t have a ring, etc. Is there anyone that was/is in this same situation? What did you do? Please help!
Post # 3
This might not be a very “wedding bee” thing to say, but get the cheaper plain band first, and the nice ring later? If he can’t afford a ring, how will you guys afford a wedding? That worries me for you. However at some point, with money being an issue, I’d just be like “LET’S GO TO THE COURTHOUSE!”.
Post # 4
I’m less worried about the ring than the fact that your guy can’t save anything. How will you save for a house? for the kids’ education? Money is something that kills marriages. You sound like you’re pretty responsible about money – you want something and you can afford it. This is something you should really work out before you get engaged.
Post # 5
I agree with PopRox. The first thing that came to mind was… how will you two afford a wedding? Even the most DIY wedding costs near or over $10,000. I know that my fiance didn’t want to propose until we were ready to actually jump into planning a wedding. He wasn’t interested in a long engagement (although we ended up having one anyway due to a major relocation across country!). However, I wouldn’t want to rush it because if he can’t afford a ring, there is no way he will be able to help pay for a wedding… and trying to create the wedding of your dreams with no money is a really hard thing to do! We have had to sacrifice many things to make our finances come together for our wedding.
We actually asked our families if they had any diamonds that they had sitting around that they were willing to let us put into my e-ring. I actually ended up with a diamond nicer than what we could ever afford. Maybe that is another option if you think it’s the right time to get engaged/plan a wedding. Ask around – you’d be surprised by what your family has lying around! 🙂
Post # 6
What about paying for a portion of the ring you want? the cost of the e-ring is big decision, more so when your fiance is the one who needs to be the one to spend the money on it. If your heart is set on a pricey ring, I think it’s fair to pay for a portion of the ring.
Post # 7
@kenzieb07: Nope, we’re doing a 100-person wedding for a little over $2k, so not every wedding is near 10k. ;P
That being said, OP, the fact that your boyfriend can’t save money is worrisome. I think you should help pay for the ring if you want one he can’t necessarily afford (no shame in doing that), but you two need to figure out how you’re going to save for a house, kids, etc. before you even think about getting married.
Post # 8
I agree with the other bees that you need to have a serious discussion with your boyfriend about finances (what you have, what you make, your future goals both short term and for retirement, family budget, etc).
Post # 9
I’m also worried about the money issue. That seems like something to talk about before heading into marriage. If he isn’t able to be responsible for his savings now, I would worry about how that would affect you once you two tie the knot. As far as the ring, have you shared your concerns with him? Could you say something along the lines of, “I love you and I’m willing to be patient. I need you to know it hurts when I see that you bought X (unnecessary object) when we’ve discussed that finances is what’s keeping us from being engaged.” A payment plan is always an option, but perhaps not the best one if he isn’t good at managing bills.
Post # 10
Is there a possiblilty that your guy is secretly saving money for your ring? It happened to a friend of mine. She was worried about her guy’s money situtation and it turned out he was secretly saving.
If you don’t think he is saving at all then you may have to listen to Rachelss.
Post # 11
@Statutory Grape: Ahhh can I go back a year and a half and have you plan our wedding!!!??? 🙂
Post # 12
i dont think the ring has to be expensive to be meaningful if you are both ready to get engaged a plan a wedding its kinda sad that you’re putting that on hold just to get a nicer ring.. n like other posters have said the wedding itself costs a lot more than a ring.. so unless your family is going to pay for the entire thing, he has to learn to save pretty soon
Post # 13
@kenzieb07: Sure? Haha! You just really have to know your limits and set your priorities early…and hunt for bargains. 😉 Venue was 250, dress is 180. Rings will likely be less than 300 since we just want simple bands, and we’re having an iPod instead of a band or DJ. Add to that a friendor for a photographer (300) and the bulk of our budget is food. It’s totally possible!
Post # 14
I agree with the PP’s… a serious talk about finances is in order. I know a lot of guys who are horrible with money, but they can be changed!! My bf was never a saver either, but he’s getting so much better now. It helps to sit down and work out a thorough budget, allocate spending money, saving money, bill money etc… whatever it takes. He needs to get used to putting money away for savings, whether its for a ring, house, children, etc. If you both sit down and agree on a set amount he should be putting away, then you’ll know exactly how long it will take him to save for your dream ring, and I do believe you deserve that ring. It sounds like you’re being more than reasonable.
Anyway, I’m a firm believer in the savings accounts where the bank automatically withdraws a set amount from each paycheque, to one where you don’t have easy access to, it really helps.
Post # 15
I agree about the money issues. You should talk about that. Maybe in your marriage you will just take care of all the finaces. It could be a simple issue to solve but you DO need to talk about it.
As for the ring, I think the ring is very important. It is showing that this man wants to commit to you. He is showing you this my sacrificing and saving so that he can have a ring to show you. It shows his commitment. He is doing something to show you how much he wants to marry you. It doenst sound like this guy wants to marry you that badly. Your man should be DIEING to marry you. You should ask him why he wants to marry you. If you pay most the bills maybe he just agrees to the marriage idea so not to rock the boat.
Post # 16
I read a post from one be and she made a lot more money than her bf. Her bf saved for a long time to get her a 1 carat diamond even though she could afford a bigger one on her own. But her bf was very happy that he had worked so hard to get her this ring.
One of my friends married her high school sweetheart. In high school he got an after school job and saved for a year to buy her this little diamond ring. She loved it of course and when they got engaged she got an upgrade.