Post # 1
So I have broken my engagement with my ex-FI this past weekend. Story is here:
It's All Over
We are living together and due to some of his financial woes, he cannot leave until next Sunday. So far, I have been doing great. I have been doing my homework (finals are next week), working out (I do that anyway), talking on the phone A LOT, and making appointments to change my hair and just pamper myself. Overall, the experience isn’t too horrible except…he won’t look me in the eyes.
I speak to him only when I need to because I know he has a lot on his plate and honestly, there’s nothing to say. I’ve been doing my own thing and whenever I speak to him, he either keeps his eyes off of me, or turns his back when he replies. What is going on? I’m having a hard time with this especially in light of all the changes that will be happening the next few months, and he can’t even look me in the eyes when I speak to him?
I walk past him and he clears the way like there are seven people walking by and it just hurts me. He told ME he couldn’t put up with me for the rest of his life. He told ME that I didn’t know how to be a good woman. He told ME all of of this after he proposed and said I was the most important thing in his life….and then turned his back on me. I didn’t do these things to him so I cannot figure out why in the world he is acting like I am not here and/or like I did something to him.
I’ve been crying…..and crying…. I do not understand. How can you be so in love one day, and then avoiding each other the next? I just don’t get it. I’m so hurt….
Post # 3
He’s hurt so he’s trying to hurt you back and get a response from you. Passive-aggressive asshat behaviour. IMO just ignore him back and wait for him to go; there’s no upside to engaging him on his behaviour. It would just give him another opportunity to say mean shit you don’t deserve.
Post # 5
I’m sorry you are going through this. It sounds like you are being so strong in this situation. He is going to be gone Sunday. Can you be out of the house most of the time until then? Don’t communicate with him at all unless it is necessary. Maybe you can leave him a note in the morning or at night if it really is something you need to pass along, but avoid giving him any opportunity to strike out at you. It sounds like obviously he is having some major emotional issues. Do you feel safe with him there? Can you stay with a friend?
Post # 6
^ sorry that is the most helpful thing I have to say about his stupid behaviour
Post # 7
I understand that this is really hard for you, but you know what – who cares why he isn’t able to look at you? Don’t give it another thought and don’t try and analyse what is going through his head. Just keep doing what you’re doing by looking after yourself and try and move on. His crappy behaviour isn’t your problem anymore!
Post # 8
He probably can’t look you in the eyes because of the horrible shame he feels (and should!) after what he did.
Post # 9
@angustia: good on u for taking care of urself & keeping really busy with ur own interests. im sorry hes acting that way, i guess he is so hurt he just cant muster up the energy to be nice to u. hope it all goes well. u may find it hits u the worst after hes moved out for a while & u r in the house alone. can u get a roommate so u wont be too lonely?
Post # 10
@angustia: He, based on your other heart-breaking post, and this, sounds like a jerk, but most of all like an absolute child.
You know when a small child does something wrong, and a parent confronts them about it, how the child will always hang its head in shame and can’t look at the parent because it knows it has done wrong? This sounds like that to me. This guy is an emotionally stunted man-child.
Post # 11
He’s hurt. He cannot look at you in the eyes because if he looks he WILL cry. This isn’t for him either. He moves out of your way because every little thing you do makes him want to cry. He wants to stay strong, but it’s not easy living with someone after you have broken up. You should really sit down and talk to him. But just to warn you, it might be emotional.
Post # 12
@arabbel: + 1000
HE sounds like an utter child who has just realised the grass isn’t greener after all – he had paid for his idiocy by losing you, and now he’s ashamed of himself.
In the end, love, the real reason for his behaviour is not necessarily something you will ever know – but you tell yourself that it’s shame. That he can’t look at you because he’s getting a final look at what he’s losing and it hurts him. You know what men-children can be like. Head, meet sand.
You are WELL rid, and I applaud you for your choice. You need a man who loves you for who you are and nothing less.
Post # 13
You’ve been so strong — you just have to be strong a little longer. You can do it. Maybe try not looking at HIM, then you won’t see him not looking at you? He’s doing what he needs to, to get through the last few days, and you have to do that, too. You can. You are amazing and you have your whole life ahead of you, and it will be awesome. *Hugs*
Post # 14
@angustia: Oh man. Having been there, done that, I can only advise you to cut off ALL contact as soon as you can. The longer he is physically in your life, the more hell it’s going to be for you.
I ended it with my ex after a year and a half of the most dysfunctional bullshit I’ve ever encountered. In retrospect I should NOT have stayed that long, but being a single woman in a foreign country does strange things to your self-esteem and perspective. He pulled all sorts of ridiculous stunts on me…suddenly telling me that he didn’t love me, and then changing his mind a day later, telling me that I was responsible for him having a nervous breakdown (as diagnosed by his parents, not a professional) and all sorts of rubbish that I don’t even want to dredge up again. I tried to break up with him and he would threaten suicide, saying he didn’t have anyone but me to turn to.
ANYWAY, I then met Fiance and all of a sudden I realised that I needed out. After I broke up with him, he basically refused to move out of my apartment. He would mope around the house, and when I spent as much time out of the house as possible, he started sending me endless stream-of-consciousnesss emails and texts about how angry he was, blah blah blah.
He finally moved out after two weeks, and it was the longest two weeks of my life. It didn’t stop there though, because he kept deliberately leaving his stuff and then finding excuses to come around. In the end I had to clear out our storage room in the building, so I just gave him a day to pick everything up and then threw out everything else he left.
My advice to you is, make it a clean break. Make sure all of his stuff is organised to be moved out, otherwise he is going to be a pain in the arse and continue to be a passive-aggressive dick for as long as you allow him to be. Do NOT let him guilt-trip you into letting him stay, or reconsider the relationship.
Post # 15
@angustia: What an asshole!! I agree with PP don’t talk to him if you can possibly do that. He just wants to make you feel worse than you already do. Try to spend as much time as you can away from him until he is gone. Keep yourself busy, so busy that you don’t have time to deal with him. Even if you have to do nothing by yourself, just avoid him.
Again….what an asshole!! I am so sorry that your heart is breaking. Keep pushing forward, you will be okay. It will just take some time. HUGS!
Post # 16
Dude, he is doing you a favor by leaving.
As soon as he said he wanted a woman who’d shut her mouth and do as he says, I’d be like “peace out” no matter how much I loved him.
Just remember that you’re not the one losing out here.
Ignore him as best as you can. His shit will be out of your life soon.